Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DF won't approve engagement...

454 replies

beesknees18 · 11/02/2022 20:01

Hi all

Bit of a back story - DF and I have been friends for 15 years. Two years ago her DP proposed to her after 1.5 years together - due to get married this October.

My DP and I have been together 8 years and have 2DC together, and have recently started discussing our engagement (no proposal yet, but things have been put on hold due to babies/careers/money).

I approached DF and said how DP has started asking me for ring ideas, and we were going to view some rings, just so DP got an idea of things that I didn't like and did like.

DF said she didn't want to hear about it until after she was married.

DP approached her recently and explained that he found a ring he thinks I'd love and wanted her opinion - DF refused to look at it and told him he needs to wait until she's married before even considering one. He then asked her what about December, as that's our anniversary month, and she told him she'd prefer it if there was a "cool down" period after her wedding.

DP has reluctantly told me what's happened, but I'm glad he has as it's made me question whether she is crossing a line or I am. I haven't seen the ring (he's spoken to my sister who is, in her words, "saying yes for me😂).

AIBU for feeling like DF is being a bit dramatic thinking only she can be engaged at the moment? DP wanted to propose this month but won't now because of her reaction, even though it would be 8 months until she got married and a good 2 years before we did!

I would understand if I was engaged and actually planning my wedding a week after hers but it's purely the proposal DP had approached her over!

Or should I tell DP to wait to propose until January 2023 so that I'm definitely not treading on anyones toes!

Thanks all! Sorry if it's confusing!

OP posts:
Snow1n · 11/02/2022 20:09

Id be pulling back from df for this, its completely bonkers!! Get engaged and enjoy it, and be drama free!!

LittleOwl153 · 11/02/2022 20:10

Sounds like DP needs to approach your sister for advice more... and leave the batshit friend out of it.
And an Ocotber proposal or even a February proposal as planned and a September wedding as other suggest. Realistically do you want her jealousy involved in your own wedding prep...

Sailor2009 · 11/02/2022 20:10

If she's this batshit now then you should brace yourself for a long 8 months to the wedding. She's being utterly ridiculous, anyone would think he was planning on proposing at her wedding reception.

Velvian · 11/02/2022 20:11

You've got children together you don't need your friend's permission Grin. You absolutely must get married before your friend, that is the only suitable response to her behaviour.

Just get married whenever you want to.

roarfeckingroarr · 11/02/2022 20:11

Craziest thing I've heard in a while

Allthesefolks · 11/02/2022 20:11

Your friend is a knob.

Cuddlemuffin · 11/02/2022 20:11

If my friend wanted to get married the day before or after me I wouldn't mind at all! Your 'friend' is being so unreasonable, why are you tolerating this absolutely BS? You are treating her like royalty whilst she treats you like s*t on her shoe. Get engaged and married whenever you want to, it's up to no one but you and if she chooses to have a tantrum about it, well that just shows how bloody immature she is.

babyjellyfish · 11/02/2022 20:11

This is batshit. Your friend doesn't have a monopoly on getting married.

Hadalifeonce · 11/02/2022 20:12

If you and you DP have agreed to get married, you are already engaged. He just needs to get you a ring to 'seal the deal' ignore you 'friend' wear the ring with pride and if she comments negatively just say 'are you serious?'

tearinghairout · 11/02/2022 20:14

@Hadalifeonce

If you and you DP have agreed to get married, you are already engaged. He just needs to get you a ring to 'seal the deal' ignore you 'friend' wear the ring with pride and if she comments negatively just say 'are you serious?'
Yep. This is true. Book the wedding for the month before hers.
Isntisironic1 · 11/02/2022 20:14

Sorry OP but that isn’t a friend

MrsAvocet · 11/02/2022 20:16

When I saw the title I assumed the F stood for father and that you and your DP had asked for his blessong and not got it. I was going to say that that is a bit old fashioned but I could understand why you'd be upset.
But friend?? It's absolutely none of her business. Do your own thing. If she doesn't like it, that's her problem, not yours.

SunshineCake1 · 11/02/2022 20:16

Do you want to marry a man so wet as to cancel or postpone his proposal plans because of some bridezilla ?

LittleBearPad · 11/02/2022 20:16

She’s batty

Go get the ring

Book the wedding for September.

GougeAway · 11/02/2022 20:17

I thought DF was your dad and he was against the engagement 🤣

Your friend is being ridiculous. You have agreed to get married so you are already engaged really. Just carry on with your ring buying and wedding plans to suit you yourselves.

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 11/02/2022 20:17

Get someone to "let slip" that your D P is going to propose to you at her reception, just before her first dance so everyone will be looking GrinHalo

Usernameisgone · 11/02/2022 20:18

Why does she even get a say? I couldnt imagine letting anyone rule my life that way! You could run off and have a wedding before it even got close to time for hers!

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 11/02/2022 20:20

When we got engaged my bff did say she was worried he wasn't enough for me.
Then we carried on as we were but the friendship faded fast after the wedding. As in a few weeks..
Be prepared for things to never be right between you op.

Laststop · 11/02/2022 20:21

@beesknees18 use the back of a spoon to butter bread

2DogsOnMySofa · 11/02/2022 20:23

Your friend is batshit. Tell your dp to propose when he wants to and to ignore her crazy

thenewduchessoflapland · 11/02/2022 20:23

So to get this right;no one attending her wedding is allowed to get engaged before or in the few weeks after her wedding?

She's off her rocker;what a bridezilla.

2pinkginsplease · 11/02/2022 20:23

He should get the ring and propose asap so that you can get married before her.. she is a total bridezilla.

Though saying that dh proposed to me and we got married a few months later before a friend who had been planning her wedding for 2 years. We didn’t think anything of it as our weddings were total opposites, hers big and extravagant and ours with just family, she fell out with me because we were stealing her thunder! Ridiculous!

Circumstances meant we either got married that month(2 months before hers) or we had to wait until 7 months later which we didn’t want to do.

SleepingFrog · 11/02/2022 20:24

Oh goodness what a self involved person she is! Our best friends got engaged two months before our wedding and we were thrilled for them, which is a normal response!

Explain to your partner you'd like them to propose when they want to; ignore your friend and her comments. Then, you can decide if you want to be petty and rub it in her face when he does propose 🤣🤣

TatianaBis · 11/02/2022 20:24

Why are you even engaging Wink with her nonsense?

TatianaBis · 11/02/2022 20:25

Yep. This is true. Book the wedding for the month before hers.

Please do this.