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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DF won't approve engagement...

454 replies

beesknees18 · 11/02/2022 20:01

Hi all

Bit of a back story - DF and I have been friends for 15 years. Two years ago her DP proposed to her after 1.5 years together - due to get married this October.

My DP and I have been together 8 years and have 2DC together, and have recently started discussing our engagement (no proposal yet, but things have been put on hold due to babies/careers/money).

I approached DF and said how DP has started asking me for ring ideas, and we were going to view some rings, just so DP got an idea of things that I didn't like and did like.

DF said she didn't want to hear about it until after she was married.

DP approached her recently and explained that he found a ring he thinks I'd love and wanted her opinion - DF refused to look at it and told him he needs to wait until she's married before even considering one. He then asked her what about December, as that's our anniversary month, and she told him she'd prefer it if there was a "cool down" period after her wedding.

DP has reluctantly told me what's happened, but I'm glad he has as it's made me question whether she is crossing a line or I am. I haven't seen the ring (he's spoken to my sister who is, in her words, "saying yes for me😂).

AIBU for feeling like DF is being a bit dramatic thinking only she can be engaged at the moment? DP wanted to propose this month but won't now because of her reaction, even though it would be 8 months until she got married and a good 2 years before we did!

I would understand if I was engaged and actually planning my wedding a week after hers but it's purely the proposal DP had approached her over!

Or should I tell DP to wait to propose until January 2023 so that I'm definitely not treading on anyones toes!

Thanks all! Sorry if it's confusing!

OP posts:
EnjoyingTheSilence · 13/02/2022 19:11

Ditch the bitch! Congratulations

Original poster
beesknees18 · 13/02/2022 19:11

@SpidersAreShitheads
100% agree! The fact he made it is so so special me - I didn't even realise he'd been gifted the ring when his grandmother passed so I think a lot of thought went into it.

I'm just a little heartbroken that our friendship has basically ended, especially on such sour terms. We were honestly like sisters for a long long time but some peoples true colours do come out with age

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/02/2022 19:12

Your (hopefully ex) friend is a wanker.

Your ring is lovely.

You and your partner should use this as a lesson to cut off people who rely on your dislike of confrontation so they can be a bit shit to you.

All the bestThanks

greyeyes · 13/02/2022 19:15

Right... I totally agree with everyone and congrats.. and the ring is beautiful

But

I can also see why your friend is acting like that.. she got engaged and a wedding planned for this year.

In all fairness in her eyes she probably thinks "well they've had 10 plus years to do this.. why have they suddenly decided to get engaged and married this year now I have" which is true.. not to take anything away but this is probably the train of your now ex friends thought.

GrandmasCat · 13/02/2022 19:17

Ok, whatever you do, don’t be the bigger person. You don’t bring that cow to your wedding, ok?

I had a friend who was great if I was down but who turned into a proper bitch if she thought, in her Queen bee’s mind, that someone was getting more attention to her.

We had babies within a year of each other, her baby was the first one of the friend group so everybody made a fuss (and those who didn’t… she really resented). Anyhow, DS comes a year later and being the “new” baby a lot of the group’s fuss moved into his direction…. So to cut the story short, I invited her to DS’s christening, she came, threw a gift at me, said something horrible and left. I spent the rest of the celebration smiling to the guests but seething inside.

She has shown you who she is, keep away from her, she will go out of her way to ruin it for you in the same way she tried to make you feel bad about your engagement and ring.

Let her know you won’t be going to her wedding asap. So she has enough time to kick off and calm down before yours!

SoonbeSpringtime · 13/02/2022 19:17

@beesknees18 Congratulations and your ring is lovely with a special link to history as well. Too late now but as I was reading the thread I was going to post to say I wouldn't tell her at all, just turn up for coffee wearing my ring and be extremely low key if she noticed and said anything. If she asked about the proposal I'd have said it was an impromptu, lovely, private and intimate moment.

I'm wondering if all's well in Bridezillaland? Usually if people are on a cloud of happiness themselves they spread it, not turn sour and start pissing on other people's chips. Surely she can't always have been like this or you wouldn't have stayed long time friends and your DP wouldn't have approached her for an opinion? It may well be that she's not living the dream and you've borne the brunt of that.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 13/02/2022 19:18

@beesknees18

Thank you all for your responses. I know how ridiculous it sounds but I do hold her very close to my heart and have always said to DP how she would be the person to go to if he wasn't sure on a ring, as she's known me for so long and I've been showing her rings since we were in our early 20s!

I understand her excitement for it all, and I don't want to take that away from her, but she's making it so difficult at the moment. I just know for a fact that if I got engaged prior to the wedding that would be it - and I would have the finger pointed at, but, like you all say - is that a true friend??

DP has just got home and I've told him I've got some light reading for him 😂

I'll start painting my nails!

Point right back at the silly mare - preferably with the third finger of your left hand which is displaying a very nice engagement ring 💍
roastingmichael · 13/02/2022 19:21

Oh my god, what a bitch. I really try hard to be the bigger person and not be petty but I'd be booking my wedding on her date now. Or maybe the day before.

Fuck her.

ListeningButNotHearing · 13/02/2022 19:29

What a horrible and self-centered girl.
Please don't give her a second thought - you know her true colours now.
And your ring IS very very special. She sounds green with envy trying to put it down like that. Disgraceful!!

FlamingoQueen · 13/02/2022 19:43

I love your ring and how special that it has history. Ignore your friend and do what you want and just enjoy the planning and the day.

ButtonMoonLoon · 13/02/2022 19:46

Your ring is truly unique- the only one in the world exactly like it, and the fact he designed it makes it even more special.
I hope her message hasn’t put a downer on your lovely news

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 13/02/2022 19:47

What a nasty witch. Your Fiancè sounds lovely, so thoughtful. Hers basically got her the ring she told him to. I feel sorry for him, and wonder how long their marriage will last if that's how she behaves.
Unlike yours, which will last forever! The ring is stunning by the way 💍

Original poster
beesknees18 · 13/02/2022 19:49

@greyeyes I completely see where you're coming from and I honestly did think that for a long time, but my argument is we didn't get engaged right after her - she's been engaged over 2 years now and every step of the way I've supported her and celebrated with her and never ever shown any jealously (not that there is any). And she's known for a long time how much it means to me that my dad can walk me down the isle, he's in his 70s and not in great health and I think DP and I have suddenly realised this, which is why we've spoken about it a lot in recent months.

I 100% agree that it can come across like I'm stealing her thunder in the year she's getting married, but also - would I have felt she was stealing my thunder if she announced a pregnancy a few months before I gave birth?? Absolutely not, because I'm not self absorbed and I don't see everything from a one sided view xx

OP posts:
greyeyes · 13/02/2022 19:51

[quote beesknees18]@greyeyes I completely see where you're coming from and I honestly did think that for a long time, but my argument is we didn't get engaged right after her - she's been engaged over 2 years now and every step of the way I've supported her and celebrated with her and never ever shown any jealously (not that there is any). And she's known for a long time how much it means to me that my dad can walk me down the isle, he's in his 70s and not in great health and I think DP and I have suddenly realised this, which is why we've spoken about it a lot in recent months.

I 100% agree that it can come across like I'm stealing her thunder in the year she's getting married, but also - would I have felt she was stealing my thunder if she announced a pregnancy a few months before I gave birth?? Absolutely not, because I'm not self absorbed and I don't see everything from a one sided view xx[/quote]
Ahh sorry, I must of forgot about the fact she's been engaged two years! Sorry I was under the impression she got engaged few weeks ago in my reply!

Ahhh bloody book the day before haha x

notthatonethisone · 13/02/2022 19:51

Congratulations!

I LOVE your ring and your DDs reaction of immediately going out to get shoes!

I'm so excited for you all.

I'd ditch any friend who couldn't muster up more enthusiasm for you than a random stranger on the Internet...!

Honeyroar · 13/02/2022 19:54

Don’t give the nasty girl another thought. Just throw yourselves into organising your own special day and enjoy every moment.

But make sure it’s before hers. And make sure you text her “can you believe I’m a married woman before you are!!!”

LottyD32 · 13/02/2022 20:07

Is anyone else hoping Bridezilla is a MNer? Grin

AlbusSeverusMalfoy · 13/02/2022 20:22

He should propose at her wedding and really piss her off. (I'm joking of course)

Iloveacurry · 13/02/2022 20:39

She totally is an awful friend.

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/02/2022 20:48

@LottyD32

Is anyone else hoping Bridezilla is a MNer? Grin
Hell yeah!
PyongyangKipperbang · 13/02/2022 20:49

I love that the girls first reaction to "mummy and daddy are getting married" is "WE NEED SHOES!!!!!" :o

fleurpots · 13/02/2022 21:05

Congratulations on your engagement and what a beautiful ring! It is so special that it's made from your grandma's. That is just priceless.

Unfortunately your friend is self centred and nasty, and is never going to change. What an arsehole she is to make that comment about it not being yours.

She won't change, your far better off without her!

fleurpots · 13/02/2022 21:07

Oops - his grandmother's! Either way, that's so special.

Onlyforcake · 13/02/2022 21:50

Congratulations! It's really not thunder stealing at this point ever, presumably the public holiday that was declared for the world's foremost engagement her engagement has long passed, it's still quite a while until the international event of her wedding too. Wink
It's a shame she hasn't got any joy to share, just expecting everyone to dance to her tune, obviously she invented the notion of marriage.

ABitOfAShitShow · 13/02/2022 22:49

Ah, OP, I’m so sorry she couldn’t be happy for you. BUT she’s really shown who she is and you’re better off without that shit in your life. Smile

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