Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DF won't approve engagement...

454 replies

beesknees18 · 11/02/2022 20:01

Hi all

Bit of a back story - DF and I have been friends for 15 years. Two years ago her DP proposed to her after 1.5 years together - due to get married this October.

My DP and I have been together 8 years and have 2DC together, and have recently started discussing our engagement (no proposal yet, but things have been put on hold due to babies/careers/money).

I approached DF and said how DP has started asking me for ring ideas, and we were going to view some rings, just so DP got an idea of things that I didn't like and did like.

DF said she didn't want to hear about it until after she was married.

DP approached her recently and explained that he found a ring he thinks I'd love and wanted her opinion - DF refused to look at it and told him he needs to wait until she's married before even considering one. He then asked her what about December, as that's our anniversary month, and she told him she'd prefer it if there was a "cool down" period after her wedding.

DP has reluctantly told me what's happened, but I'm glad he has as it's made me question whether she is crossing a line or I am. I haven't seen the ring (he's spoken to my sister who is, in her words, "saying yes for me😂).

AIBU for feeling like DF is being a bit dramatic thinking only she can be engaged at the moment? DP wanted to propose this month but won't now because of her reaction, even though it would be 8 months until she got married and a good 2 years before we did!

I would understand if I was engaged and actually planning my wedding a week after hers but it's purely the proposal DP had approached her over!

Or should I tell DP to wait to propose until January 2023 so that I'm definitely not treading on anyones toes!

Thanks all! Sorry if it's confusing!

OP posts:
Luzina · 11/02/2022 20:02

Your friend is being ridiculous

stuntbubbles · 11/02/2022 20:04

Oh, she’s escalated to full crazy quickly, hasn’t she? The wedding’s not till October, she needs to hold back some of the batshit, she’ll have nowhere left to go by March.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 11/02/2022 20:04

DF is being insane. She can't even look at a ring? What a self obsessed twat. She expects you to be excited about her wedding now after this behaviour? I wouldn't.

Bonbon21 · 11/02/2022 20:04

Didnt think you were allowed to get married when still in primary school.....

LosingTheWill2022 · 11/02/2022 20:04

WTF?
She's nuts.

GAW19 · 11/02/2022 20:05

Oh damn... your 'friend' is fucking bonkers Grin

PostThenGhost · 11/02/2022 20:05

DF is nuts.

I’d be telling DP to propose when he likes and I’d be petty and book the wedding for September!
Batshit of her to dictate when your DP can propose. She’s not a great friend.

CaveMum · 11/02/2022 20:05

Your “friend” is an idiot quite frankly and no friend to you. Why put up with this level of drama in your life? Of course she’s being unreasonable to even suggest that you put your life on hold. Her wedding is the centre of HER universe, not everyone else’s .

Tell her to get over herself and consider ditching her.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 11/02/2022 20:05

Well obviously you need to get engaged in October op..

Movingonup22 · 11/02/2022 20:05

I would tell DP to totally ignore her and I would
tell DF she needs to seriously pull her head in

ThirdElephant · 11/02/2022 20:06

Woah. Go ahead and get engaged, OP. Your friend sounds like she has a screw loose.

fourandnomore · 11/02/2022 20:06

Why your ‘D’F would care when you get engaged is beyond me, it’s a shame he asked her for an opinion at all as without that you could have just gone ahead and told her your lovely news, congratulations and your dp can ask you to marry him at any time. No way you should have to wait to get engaged until after someone else is married, she should be thrilled for you. I hope everyone else is and I’m sure they will be.

Darbs76 · 11/02/2022 20:06

Wow I seen another post similar to this the other day and cannot believe people act like this. As if only she can be engaged and she wants a ‘cool down period’ after her wedding. This has to be a joke? That would be the end of my friendship

Iloveacurry · 11/02/2022 20:06

So she’s the only one who can be engaged?!

She’s having a laugh.

Crack on I’d say. Definitely don’t wait until January 2023.

Totalwasteofpaper · 11/02/2022 20:06

DF said she didn't want to hear about it until after she was married

She is nuts and NOT a dear friend.

Movingonup22 · 11/02/2022 20:07

(Well I would want to tell her but I would almost certainly chicken out. But that is one hundred percent what you should do).

I thought it was going to be your father which would also be outrageous but at least make a bit more sense!!

cuno · 11/02/2022 20:07

She's being a bridezilla!

Seafog · 11/02/2022 20:07

She's loco

Haus1234 · 11/02/2022 20:08

Um if you think there’s any chance you are BU you need to have a serious think about your boundaries.

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 11/02/2022 20:08

@PostThenGhost

DF is nuts.

I’d be telling DP to propose when he likes and I’d be petty and book the wedding for September!
Batshit of her to dictate when your DP can propose. She’s not a great friend.

That would definitely piddle on her chips.🤣

If you do, stand well back...

exexpat · 11/02/2022 20:08

Seriously? Ignore her. She is being ridiculous.

I thought from your thread title you were talking about your father, and wondered why anyone was still waiting for their parents' permission in the 21st century. Needing permission from your 'friend' is even crazier.

It's lucky you already have DC or no doubt you would not be 'allowed' to be pregnant at the same time as her.

FoamBurst · 11/02/2022 20:08

Your friend is a dickhead.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 11/02/2022 20:09

I could understand slightly if your dp wanted to ask at her actual wedding or her engagement party but this is crazy
Just do what you/your do want and maybe gently start distancing a bit.
God help you if you get pregnant at the same time!

CrinklyCraggy · 11/02/2022 20:09

He should get down on one knee at the wedding Grin

Gosh, this isn't going to get better in the run up to the wedding. You and DP should live your lives. What happens with her is incidental and sounds like it may be a lucky escape.

Iloveacurry · 11/02/2022 20:09

Please get engaged this month and book the wedding for this September!