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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DF won't approve engagement...

454 replies

beesknees18 · 11/02/2022 20:01

Hi all

Bit of a back story - DF and I have been friends for 15 years. Two years ago her DP proposed to her after 1.5 years together - due to get married this October.

My DP and I have been together 8 years and have 2DC together, and have recently started discussing our engagement (no proposal yet, but things have been put on hold due to babies/careers/money).

I approached DF and said how DP has started asking me for ring ideas, and we were going to view some rings, just so DP got an idea of things that I didn't like and did like.

DF said she didn't want to hear about it until after she was married.

DP approached her recently and explained that he found a ring he thinks I'd love and wanted her opinion - DF refused to look at it and told him he needs to wait until she's married before even considering one. He then asked her what about December, as that's our anniversary month, and she told him she'd prefer it if there was a "cool down" period after her wedding.

DP has reluctantly told me what's happened, but I'm glad he has as it's made me question whether she is crossing a line or I am. I haven't seen the ring (he's spoken to my sister who is, in her words, "saying yes for me😂).

AIBU for feeling like DF is being a bit dramatic thinking only she can be engaged at the moment? DP wanted to propose this month but won't now because of her reaction, even though it would be 8 months until she got married and a good 2 years before we did!

I would understand if I was engaged and actually planning my wedding a week after hers but it's purely the proposal DP had approached her over!

Or should I tell DP to wait to propose until January 2023 so that I'm definitely not treading on anyones toes!

Thanks all! Sorry if it's confusing!

OP posts:
StickyToffeePuddingAndIceCream · 11/02/2022 21:00

Yes but you can't get engaged next year as she'll be pregnant and you'll be planning the elabourate baby shower with personalised favours, then she'll need time for the pfb to be star of the show so 2024 is definitely out, oh and then her second will be on the way so that rules out 2025 too. Looks like you can't get engaged or married EVER sorry. I think maybe you just live your life and leave your batshit friend to it. If your boyfriend of many years wants to propose well that's up to him to decide when (maybe avoid their actual wedding, but any other time fine). I can't believe he entertained holding off so she could be front and centre for the entire YEAR, bizarre.

Original poster
beesknees18 · 11/02/2022 21:00

I am very tempted now to just elope and rock up to her wedding with a big grin on my face Grin

OP posts:
FOJN · 11/02/2022 21:00

always said to DP how she would be the person to go to if he wasn't sure on a ring, as she's known me for so long and I've been showing her rings since we were in our early 20s!

Email some images of rings you like to your DP. Your friends behaviour would have me wondering if she would give a good faith recommendation.

KateMcCallister · 11/02/2022 21:01

@TatianaBis

Yep. This is true. Book the wedding for the month before hers.

Please do this.

Nah book it for the same day 🤣

She's utterly batshit

Neolara · 11/02/2022 21:01

Why on earth would either of you pay the slightest notice to her demands about the timing of your engagement? She is clearly being ridiculous. But so are you if you do what she says.

Tulips21 · 11/02/2022 21:02

I hope you love being engaged and getting married in september.

I am that petty and would do this and also, not really have much more to do with your batshit'DF'

Welshgal85 · 11/02/2022 21:02

You are definitely not being unreasonable, she is! She sounds like a horrible friend. Who does she think she is trying to dictate how you and your DP live your lives?

I’d be fuming to be honest, telling her that friends are supposed to support eachother and celebrate each other’s good news! I’m not sure I could continue being friends with someone as selfish as her tbh…

ClemDanFango · 11/02/2022 21:03

Please get engaged on her wedding day during the reception before their first dance Grin

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 11/02/2022 21:04

I just know for a fact that if I got engaged prior to the wedding that would be it - and I would have the finger pointed at

The ‘finger pointed’ at…?

For getting engaged?

In Normal Person world, getting engaged is a good thing. Something people - especially friends and family - celebrate and are happy about.

So what if she finger points?!

Finger point back at her.

She’s the weird one, and if you pander to her then you deserve everything you get.

Congratulations, by they way! Flowers

DietrichandDiMaggio · 11/02/2022 21:05

AIBU for feeling like DF is being a bit dramatic thinking only she can be engaged at the moment?

A bit dramatic?
She's not being 'a bit dramatic' - she's being a fucking nutter!

Lindy2 · 11/02/2022 21:05

It's nothing to do with your friend. (Or anyone else apart from the 2 of you to be honest).

Just crack on with your plans. Announce your engagement and set your wedding date.

There's really no need for all the dithering and worrying about other people's opinions.

ABitOfAShitShow · 11/02/2022 21:06

She doesn’t sound like much of a friend. She also sounds like an idiot.

viques · 11/02/2022 21:07

Word of advice. No matter how much she begs don’t agree to be a bridesmaid /maid of honour! She will draw you into more madness. By all means go to the hen do, and be a guest at the wedding, but enjoy those knowing you haven’t been driven to distraction by her demands and petty irrationality. [And use it as a learning experience as to how to plan your own wedding in a civilised way]

Toddlerteaplease · 11/02/2022 21:07

I think your DP should do an OTT proposal at her wedding reception. Grin

Kennykenkencat · 11/02/2022 21:07

DP approached her recently and explained that he found a ring he thinks I'd love and wanted her opinion - DF refused to look at it and told him he needs to wait until she's married before even considering one. He then asked her what about December, as that's our anniversary month, and she told him she'd prefer it if there was a "cool down" period after her wedding

🤣🤣🤣

Does she know that loads of people are getting married/engaged/proposed to everyday.

Utterly batshit.

Gonnagetgoing · 11/02/2022 21:08

Are you stealing her thunder or something in her eyes? Crack on and ignore her.

Gonnagetgoing · 11/02/2022 21:09

@Toddlerteaplease

I think your DP should do an OTT proposal at her wedding reception. Grin
@Toddlerteaplease oh yes! Perfect!
blossomtree323 · 11/02/2022 21:09

YANBU OP.

A friend of mine ended a friendship over a similar issue to this prior to her wedding. Her friend tried to reach afterwards but the ship had sailed as the friend had shown she didn't 'celebrate' her as it were.
Get engaged and married when you want to. It really is no one else's business.

CreamFirstThenJamOnTop · 11/02/2022 21:10

Oh my goodness, she is crazy!

You and your DP should get engaged whenever you want and marry whenever you want.

caranations · 11/02/2022 21:10

She is very bridezilla You can say that again, strewth - talk about self-absorbed.

Go ring shopping with your DP and leave her out of the equation altogether.

Redglitter · 11/02/2022 21:10

Definitely wait til after she's married. Several hours married, get the band/dj to play your song while your partner gets down on one knee in the middle of the dance floor 😊

blacksax · 11/02/2022 21:10

@Toddlerteaplease

I think your DP should do an OTT proposal at her wedding reception. Grin
Genius!
Elderflower14 · 11/02/2022 21:11

Am I only one who read the thread title and thought it was the OP's father refusing to approve the engagement??? 🙄

billy1966 · 11/02/2022 21:12

@LosingTheWill2022

WTF? She's nuts.
This.

Back away from this batshit woman.

marpelier · 11/02/2022 21:13

Sorry, but you all sound about 12yo.
Friend is insane, that's a given.
But, why are you pretending that you don't know that your DP is buying you an engagement ring, sending him to friends and sisters to look at rings instead of just going shopping together like grown ups. Are you going to feign shock and surprise at this proposal ? You could hide the children under the stairs for the day and pretend they don't exist too. Make it more realistic. Confused