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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DF won't approve engagement...

454 replies

beesknees18 · 11/02/2022 20:01

Hi all

Bit of a back story - DF and I have been friends for 15 years. Two years ago her DP proposed to her after 1.5 years together - due to get married this October.

My DP and I have been together 8 years and have 2DC together, and have recently started discussing our engagement (no proposal yet, but things have been put on hold due to babies/careers/money).

I approached DF and said how DP has started asking me for ring ideas, and we were going to view some rings, just so DP got an idea of things that I didn't like and did like.

DF said she didn't want to hear about it until after she was married.

DP approached her recently and explained that he found a ring he thinks I'd love and wanted her opinion - DF refused to look at it and told him he needs to wait until she's married before even considering one. He then asked her what about December, as that's our anniversary month, and she told him she'd prefer it if there was a "cool down" period after her wedding.

DP has reluctantly told me what's happened, but I'm glad he has as it's made me question whether she is crossing a line or I am. I haven't seen the ring (he's spoken to my sister who is, in her words, "saying yes for me😂).

AIBU for feeling like DF is being a bit dramatic thinking only she can be engaged at the moment? DP wanted to propose this month but won't now because of her reaction, even though it would be 8 months until she got married and a good 2 years before we did!

I would understand if I was engaged and actually planning my wedding a week after hers but it's purely the proposal DP had approached her over!

Or should I tell DP to wait to propose until January 2023 so that I'm definitely not treading on anyones toes!

Thanks all! Sorry if it's confusing!

OP posts:
eekbumbler · 11/02/2022 20:25

Same @MrsAvocet I thought he'd asked your dearest father for your hand, and he had said no!

Sack your friend, she needs to get over herself.

Scianel · 11/02/2022 20:26

I assumed your title referred to your father, which would have been bad enough unless you were sixteen or something, but a friend?!
Tell her to do one, seriously.

1FootInTheRave · 11/02/2022 20:26

Df is a self absorbed twat.

FudgeSundae · 11/02/2022 20:31

She’s nuts but so are you, why are you both “approaching” her?? What’s it got to do with her?

Starlightstarbright1 · 11/02/2022 20:33

Not Df or even friend really.

I suspect this will end up in the Dm. Its so batshit.

Why did Dp even ask her ?

TakeMe2Insanity · 11/02/2022 20:33

Your friend is bonkers.

LadyMaid · 11/02/2022 20:33

@Bonbon21

Didnt think you were allowed to get married when still in primary school.....
Best comment ever :)
Twofurrycats · 11/02/2022 20:35

I think you have 2 choices: get engaged immediately and married just before her.
Or
Get engaged at her wedding reception. She'll be married then after all....
Seriously though do what you want. This is OTT bridezilla.

AngelinaFibres · 11/02/2022 20:36

She has no say in any part of your life. Time to get rid.

starfishmummy · 11/02/2022 20:38

Heb I read the thread title I thought DF = Dear Father!!

Why are you involving her so much in your plans?

LadyMaid · 11/02/2022 20:38

I agree with your friend.
No-one should be discussing your engagement with her or be showing her any rings.

Until its time for your friends wedding vows... Grin

koalalala · 11/02/2022 20:38

DF is bonkers.

I'm not sure she's a DF.

MrsPerfect12 · 11/02/2022 20:39

She isn't your friend! What a weirdo.

TonksInPurple · 11/02/2022 20:40

@CrinklyCraggy

He should get down on one knee at the wedding Grin

Gosh, this isn't going to get better in the run up to the wedding. You and DP should live your lives. What happens with her is incidental and sounds like it may be a lucky escape.

Just what I was coming to say!!
pompomseverywhere · 11/02/2022 20:41

She's a nut job. Get engaged and ditch her.

Original poster
beesknees18 · 11/02/2022 20:41

Oh my goodness, did not think I'd get all these responses thank you all so much for reassuring me that I'm not the unreasonable one!

Just to clarify, definitely not talking about my dad - he's as keen as anyone to walk me down the isle as he's in early 70s.

I've started to restrict contact with her over it as I don't want her dampening my mood over it - I've waited over 8 years for this so want to be a little excited of it, but every time I approach her over it she either ignores it completely and changes subject or tells me to wait until she's married.

I understand every woman dreams of having her "one big day", but I don't think it should be central to one wedding at a time.

I'll show DP all your responses so far and tell him to do it before October. God knows the fire that will rain down on us!

OP posts:
mummykel16 · 11/02/2022 20:41

@beesknees18

Hi all

Bit of a back story - DF and I have been friends for 15 years. Two years ago her DP proposed to her after 1.5 years together - due to get married this October.

My DP and I have been together 8 years and have 2DC together, and have recently started discussing our engagement (no proposal yet, but things have been put on hold due to babies/careers/money).

I approached DF and said how DP has started asking me for ring ideas, and we were going to view some rings, just so DP got an idea of things that I didn't like and did like.

DF said she didn't want to hear about it until after she was married.

DP approached her recently and explained that he found a ring he thinks I'd love and wanted her opinion - DF refused to look at it and told him he needs to wait until she's married before even considering one. He then asked her what about December, as that's our anniversary month, and she told him she'd prefer it if there was a "cool down" period after her wedding.

DP has reluctantly told me what's happened, but I'm glad he has as it's made me question whether she is crossing a line or I am. I haven't seen the ring (he's spoken to my sister who is, in her words, "saying yes for me😂).

AIBU for feeling like DF is being a bit dramatic thinking only she can be engaged at the moment? DP wanted to propose this month but won't now because of her reaction, even though it would be 8 months until she got married and a good 2 years before we did!

I would understand if I was engaged and actually planning my wedding a week after hers but it's purely the proposal DP had approached her over!

Or should I tell DP to wait to propose until January 2023 so that I'm definitely not treading on anyones toes!

Thanks all! Sorry if it's confusing!

That's not a friend
00100001 · 11/02/2022 20:42

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Well obviously you need to get engaged in October op..
... and the wedding Grin
FOJN · 11/02/2022 20:42

Why the hell is your friend being given any say in when you get engaged? Length of relationships, children, backstory etc are irrelevant. A proposal at her wedding would be rude but otherwise get engaged when you want to. She'll have to deal with it. Has she always been so self absorbed?

godmum56 · 11/02/2022 20:42

hilarious

mummykel16 · 11/02/2022 20:44

@PostThenGhost

DF is nuts.

I’d be telling DP to propose when he likes and I’d be petty and book the wedding for September!
Batshit of her to dictate when your DP can propose. She’s not a great friend.

And this
00100001 · 11/02/2022 20:44

At the wedding*

Original poster
beesknees18 · 11/02/2022 20:44

@starfishmummy

Heb I read the thread title I thought DF = Dear Father!!

Why are you involving her so much in your plans?

Just responding to this comment as I've seen a lot of the same question...

Before DF got engaged she sent me the exact ring she wanted and made sure I sent it to her now fiancé. She was involved in the entire thing, down to the date she got engaged. She is very bridezilla and I was always so excited to be involved - even now as a bridesmaid.

So I have, I suppose stupidly, expected her to be just as exited and involved as I was/am...

I'm starting to question if I'm the idiot in this all?!!

OP posts:
Shuffletime · 11/02/2022 20:46

Book a registry wedding the day of, then turn to hers to announce. Plus as a bonus - the wedding reception will all be paid for!

CaptainMyCaptain · 11/02/2022 20:46

Your friend is ridiculous. You don't need her permission.