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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do your kids share a room?

179 replies

trixey · 10/02/2022 13:52

I'm a priority case in housing with my council. I've been on it about 5 months now and I'm eligible for a 4 bedroomed house. I have ds1 who is autistic, really could do with his own room. Dd2 is 10 so by law that gives her her own bedroom and ds3 who is age 3.

I don't seem to be getting anywhere with the 4 beds, there isn't any and when the odd one comes up, I'm no where near the top for bidding.

I understand there's such a shortage in housing, my council have been fab at getting me on as a priority case.

There's 2 separate brand new 3 bed houses that have come up that I am in the first position to bid for. Meaning I'd probably get either of them. Absolutely great locations, slightly out of the city I live on so would be a great fresh start for me and the kids.

But it's just room sharing. Dd is 10 and loves her little brother, says she would happily share with him. But we all know that won't last as she reaches the teenage years. I think I'd get a year of them both loving it and then the desperate need for their own space.

DS1 is autistic he could do with his own room.

I don't know what to do, I'm just wondering how you work it for your children sharing rooms? I thought maybe I could give the 2 kids who share the biggest bedroom and maybe look at a room divider. Maybe the 2 boys for this.

Or shall I hang on a bit longer?

Thanks

OP posts:

itwasntaparty · 10/02/2022 13:54

Over 10 they need their own room by law? That's fucking ridiculous. Dts are in a shared room in bunks, at 11. They like their room and we all like our house.

Plenty of kids share rooms.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 10/02/2022 13:56

I would share with my dd for now. The biggest room so you have plenty of space but I hardly use my bedroom during the day when dd would want to be in it.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 10/02/2022 13:56

@itwasntaparty

Over 10 they need their own room by law? That's fucking ridiculous. Dts are in a shared room in bunks, at 11. They like their room and we all like our house.

Plenty of kids share rooms.

They can share with a same sex sibling bit obviously her dd only has two brothers.

Original poster

trixey · 10/02/2022 13:57

@itwasntaparty

Over 10 they need their own room by law? That's fucking ridiculous. Dts are in a shared room in bunks, at 11. They like their room and we all like our house.

Plenty of kids share rooms.

In the world of the council then yes as dd is a girl she would need her own room. If my 3 year old was a girl then I'd only be eligible for a 3 bed house as they see it as same sex siblings can always share. But opposite sex siblings can only share until one of them reaches the age of 10

OP posts:

Shutupandcry · 10/02/2022 13:58

I would put DD and DS together in the short term with a view to putting the two DS together when the little one is older and less likely to annoy the older one. Alternatively you have a small single in your bedroom for youngest? I think you’d be better off going for a lovely 3 bed then waiting indefinitely for a 4. Although a 4 would be better for your eldest two you’re unlikely to be a priority as the boys could share (in theory) so you’d never make the top of the list.
Sharing is no bad thing if you can carve out some individual space for each child. My first boyfriend shared a bedroom with his brother and his sister (2 up 2 down) and survived!

WoodenLegs · 10/02/2022 13:58

Most kids share in privately owned/ rented houses. If I were you I'd bid for one of the lovely three beds and make it work somehow (room divide the most obvious idea).

Merryoldgoat · 10/02/2022 13:58

@itwasntaparty

OP just means that I’m council housing it’s deemed unsuitable for children over 10 to share a room if they’re different sexes.

Coulddowithanap · 10/02/2022 13:59

There is no law that means siblings can't share a bedroom.

RedCandyApple · 10/02/2022 13:59

It’s not a law it’s a guideline and even when one reaches 10 you don’t automatically get given a new house, you still have to wait on the list like everyone else where I am in London plenty of people have children over 10 mixed sex sharing rooms as there isn’t enough housing available.

I have 4 kids in a 3 bed house 2 with asd, one has her own room, 2 share, and one is my my room as can’t share with her sister with asd. We are not entitled to anything bigger.

Merryoldgoat · 10/02/2022 13:59

I’d get the three bed and try to divide rooms or similar.

RedCandyApple · 10/02/2022 14:00

In my room*

RedCandyApple · 10/02/2022 14:01

Also in council housing a 3 bed with a dining room is classed as a 4 bed so just bid on them, they will come up much more often then you can use the dining room as a bedroom.

theqentity · 10/02/2022 14:02

A lot of prickly responders on here bristling at the idea that the OP is holding out to what she's entitled to. Have a word with yourselves, MN.

Original poster

trixey · 10/02/2022 14:04

@RedCandyApple

Also in council housing a 3 bed with a dining room is classed as a 4 bed so just bid on them, they will come up much more often then you can use the dining room as a bedroom.

Yes I keep looking but the website doesn't actually tell you anything about the house really other than how many actual bedrooms and a garden etc. But that's really good to know they do exist. Thank you.

OP posts:

Camomila · 10/02/2022 14:04

I would go for one of the three beds, and would put the two boys in the biggest room together. Give yourself the middle room, and DD the smallest room to herself.

You could divide the boys room with some big kallax?

yummyscummymummy01 · 10/02/2022 14:04

Tricky. Any way of checking how many four beds become available? Have you bid for any 4 beds? If so how far up the list were you?
In London I'd advice people to seriously consider a 3 bedroom given the lack of stock, elsewhere that might not be the case.

PinkSyCo · 10/02/2022 14:05

DS1 is autistic he could do with his own room.

What does this even mean? I had three kids sharing one bedroom, and they could have all ‘done with their own room’ but unfortunately I didn’t have the money to provide that for them. I guess what I’m saying is unless you explain more then only YOU know how necessary it is for your autistic DC to have his own bedroom.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 10/02/2022 14:05

Sofa bed in the living room is also an option. Not great, but my mum and step dad slept on one for years as we had 3 bedrooms (3rd was tiny) and 4 kids (3 girls 1 boy).

WoodenLegs · 10/02/2022 14:06

@theqentity

A lot of prickly responders on here bristling at the idea that the OP is holding out to what she's entitled to. Have a word with yourselves, MN.

I think it's more that people are suggesting that what you are entitled to and what you're likely to get soon are different things and that holding out isn't the best thing for OP

PotatoGoblins · 10/02/2022 14:06

Mine share by choice.
We live in a modest size 3 bedroom house. The plan initially was to have DD1 (6) and DS (5) sharing the middle sized room like they did at our old house, have DD2 (2) in the box room and then when DD2 finally started sleeping through the night, put her and DD1 in together and DS would have his own room.
But as it goes, all 3 of them insist on sleeping together in the middle sized room. DS has the top bunk, both DDs snuggle up together in the bottom bunk and they are all sleeping better than they ever have before. So I’m going with it!!
The small bedroom is now nothing more than a giant wardrobe - it has all the DCs clothes in it considering no one sleeps in there anymore!

strawberry2017 · 10/02/2022 14:07

If you bid and get the 3 bed are you effectively stuck there? Will it make it harder for you to get the 4 bed?
If so I would wait. If 4 is what you need then don't do anything that's going to make it harder for you to get. X

MrsPluto · 10/02/2022 14:07

I have 3 children one of whom is autistic and needs their own room due to sleep (or lack of!) and disruption etc. My other two are boy age 10 and girl age 5 and they share - we've divided the room with a kallax and they both have their side decorated how they like, it works fairly well

RedCandyApple · 10/02/2022 14:07

They won’t tell you, but they will be listed as parlour houses though a lot of 3 beds will have a dining room.

Original poster

trixey · 10/02/2022 14:07

@theqentity

A lot of prickly responders on here bristling at the idea that the OP is holding out to what she's entitled to. Have a word with yourselves, MN.

Thanks for that, it's fine. Its always one of those subjects. I escaped my marriage last year, abusive, staying with my mum ever since. Me and 2 dcs sharing a double bed and eldest DS on a mattress.

Police, womens aid and social services have been great with my case and are telling me to hold out for a 4 bed but I'm longing to just get settled into my own home. Drs have been a great support in why eldest DS must have his own room.

It's just tricky. Dcs have been through so much and I don't want to make the wrong choice for them. DS would find it especially hard to share too.

But I'm happy I'm at least top of the list for any kind of housing, it's just not knowing wether to wait or go for it!

OP posts:

RedCandyApple · 10/02/2022 14:09

“A parlour room counts as a bedroom for allocation purposes.” You will get one much quicker this way.

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