Do your kids share a room?

[trixey]

I'm a priority case in housing with my council. I've been on it about 5 months now and I'm eligible for a 4 bedroomed house. I have ds1 who is autistic, really could do with his own room. Dd2 is 10 so by law that gives her her own bedroom and ds3 who is age 3.

I don't seem to be getting anywhere with the 4 beds, there isn't any and when the odd one comes up, I'm no where near the top for bidding.

I understand there's such a shortage in housing, my council have been fab at getting me on as a priority case.

There's 2 separate brand new 3 bed houses that have come up that I am in the first position to bid for. Meaning I'd probably get either of them. Absolutely great locations, slightly out of the city I live on so would be a great fresh start for me and the kids.

But it's just room sharing. Dd is 10 and loves her little brother, says she would happily share with him. But we all know that won't last as she reaches the teenage years. I think I'd get a year of them both loving it and then the desperate need for their own space.

DS1 is autistic he could do with his own room.

I don't know what to do, I'm just wondering how you work it for your children sharing rooms? I thought maybe I could give the 2 kids who share the biggest bedroom and maybe look at a room divider. Maybe the 2 boys for this.

Or shall I hang on a bit longer?

Thanks

Take the 3 bed, let your DD and youngest son share for now, in a year or so you can review it and see whether a divider in the biggest room for 2 of the kids or if your eldest DS is OK to share with the younger son by then

My girls are 14 and 16 and they share and will do until one moves out.

@PinkSyCo

DS1 is autistic he could do with his own room.

What does this even mean? I had three kids sharing one bedroom, and they could have all ‘done with their own room’ but unfortunately I didn’t have the money to provide that for them. I guess what I’m saying is unless you explain more then only YOU know how necessary it is for your autistic DC to have his own bedroom.

Do you have any autistic children @PinkSyCo ?

If no, wind it in.

The thing is you could be waiting years for 4 beds.

Anyone who knows anything about autism knows how necessary it is for a child to have some sort of space where they feel safe. Not to add to the lack of sleep, noise, meltdowns. This isn't just that my autistic DS needs his own room. It's about how my 3 year old would be affected too.

At the end of the day, if I offend anyone then I apologise. This is a big thing for me and my dcs. I feel I've already let them down enough by letting their abusive father be on their lives daily for so long. I don't want to make the wrong choice for them going forward.

Maybe they could share, for now. Hopefully by the time she’s a teenager you’ll have your own place. Who knows what’s round the corner? You might start a great job, start a business, or meet a fab new partner and afford to rent your own perfect place

Are you positive about the room sharing? We've just been offered a 3 bed after 2 years and my eldest is 15. At the moment she and her 13 year old sister can share.
However when eldest hits 16 the council say she needs her own room. Their suggestion is that my DD who will be 14 by then shares with her brother who will be 3.
Obviously that isn't going to happen.
At the moment my girls do and always have shared. Generally it works really well. They have their fights and arguments but are mostly in to the same things
In your situation I'd hang on unless one of the rooms is big enough to divide and still have decent space.
It's hard going though, I appreciate that.

Why can’t your 3 year old stay in with you? My 4 year old is in my bed room

@Rosebel

Are you positive about the room sharing? We've just been offered a 3 bed after 2 years and my eldest is 15. At the moment she and her 13 year old sister can share. However when eldest hits 16 the council say she needs her own room. Their suggestion is that my DD who will be 14 by then shares with her brother who will be 3. Obviously that isn't going to happen. At the moment my girls do and always have shared. Generally it works really well. They have their fights and arguments but are mostly in to the same things In your situation I'd hang on unless one of the rooms is big enough to divide and still have decent space. It's hard going though, I appreciate that.

In my case yes and eldest DS needs his own room so that's one bedroom. Dd is 10 and in council land, can't share with 3 year old DS so that gives me a 4 bed.

If youngest DS was a girl then it would be a 3 bed entitlement.

I don't know how they work it out for other situations but my eligibility is a 4 bed but that's purely as I have an sen child.

4 kids (3ds 1dd toddler), ds2 has asd ds3 has adhd, both have sensory difficulties and anxiety. In a small 3 bed so no choice about sharing. We do very staggered bedtimes which helps.

Could you have the boys share and get a dark den in the room for DS1? This would give him his own low sensory space.

Do you have any autistic children @PinkSyCo ?

If no, wind it in.

Honestly? I’m not sure. You know why I’m not sure? Because not all autistic children are the same. Therefore I think my post was valid, so how about you wind it in.

I would take the three bed.

Eldest in smallest bedroom

Then either 10 and 3 year old share biggest, or you and 3 year old share biggest. There’s lot of ideas on Pinterest regarding shared room ideas.

@itwasntaparty

Over 10 they need their own room by law? That's fucking ridiculous. Dts are in a shared room in bunks, at 11. They like their room and we all like our house.

Plenty of kids share rooms.

Children of opposite sex, for council housing allocation purposes, need single sex rooms from age 10.

Private rent or your own home, do what you like.

If l was you l would take the 3 bedroom. Put your DD in biggest bedroom plus a wardrobe for your clothes and have a sofa bed In the living room. I did this for years when l had a 2 bedroom flat and 2 teenage children of opposite sex.
Or you can let your DD and youngest share for now and then keep that as a back up plan

@PinkSyCo

Do you have any autistic children @PinkSyCo ?

If no, wind it in.

Honestly? I’m not sure. You know why I’m not sure? Because not all autistic children are the same. Therefore I think my post was valid, so how about you wind it in.

You're not sure if you have autistic children? Because not all autistic children are the same? You're talking to an autistic woman married to an autistic man with two autistic children. Trust me, we are all sure. You'd be sure.

You're not sure if you have autistic children? Because not all autistic children are the same? You're talking to an autistic woman married to an autistic man with two autistic children. Trust me, we are all sure. You'd be sure.

So you are telling me that there are not people not being diagnosed in adulthood?

@PinkSyCo

You're not sure if you have autistic children? Because not all autistic children are the same? You're talking to an autistic woman married to an autistic man with two autistic children. Trust me, we are all sure. You'd be sure.

So you are telling me that there are not people not being diagnosed in adulthood?

You're being obtuse. You just don't understand why an autistic child is entitled to their own space. They are, and for good reason.

Also depends on the room but if u get a cabin bed for DS1 then you can put him on the top, and create a closed, quiet sensory space inside.
I also tried combinations and swapped kids over if didn't work. I got furniture second hand so if I needed to change things it wasn't a major expense. Their rooms aren't their retreats, but not much I can do! (One room also double as work from home offices )
Good luck!

Take the 3 bed and set up the eldest in the smallest room and other two in the larger room with a room divider for now.

If things get tricky when they are older and you haven't got your 4 bed by then, you might be able to put the boys together and give your DD her own room, or you give them their own rooms and use a sofa bed until one of them moves out.

Lots of families have to play around with the space to no ill effects on children

You will figure something out, loads of kids share whether you buy or rent. It'll turn on your son's needs though, and what is best for your family might be different to what works for others.

Maybe put 3yo and DD in together for now but set a long term expectation that the boys will be sharing in future. Then you have time for them to get used to the idea and figure out strategies. As they get older you can do a lot with noise cancelling headphones. Also you could let one or both of them use your room as a "break out" area when needed. My (very noise-sensitive and autistic) child has permission to use my bedroom when he needs to be alone. It's not his room at all, it's mine, but we read there every night so it feels homely and safe to him. I don't have a problem with him being in "my" space and he's too old to booby trap it with lego. Of course you can use room dividers, private dens under high beds etc but sometimes with autism the usual stuff just doesn't work. I would even consider making a den out of a cupboard if that would help! It might sound like child abuse but some kids are enormously comforted by having somewhere small and dark to go, with a proper door to close.

With the age gap it's likely that the boys will get their own rooms at some point. I think that makes it all the more important that you find a way for DD to get her own room, not now but in the next few years.

Realistically you are not going to get a 4 bed OP, I’d argue never. Take the 3 bed.

sorry for the long post

Hiya op I'm sorry you and kiddos have dealt with such a traumatic time. Delighted you're out and soon you'll be able to settle and really heal in your new place.
In your position I'd hold out, I have an asd child and he shares with his brother, but they both love sharing because there's barely an age gap and they've always done it. If they'd not there would be no way I would have them share.
My eldest has a downstairs bedroom because he prefers that, soon enough he'll be having nights out and friends crashing over so he feels he's got his space sorted downstairs. Is there 2 separate rooms downstairs you could do that?
If not would your child be entitled to a funded extension? Your children deserve privacy and safety, that might be an option?
I hope you get something sorted soon, but if you're not likely to get a funded additional room then hold out for the 4 bedroomed, it's better to wait than the upheaval of moving when it becomes to much for your DS 💐

@Rosebel

Are you positive about the room sharing? We've just been offered a 3 bed after 2 years and my eldest is 15. At the moment she and her 13 year old sister can share. However when eldest hits 16 the council say she needs her own room. Their suggestion is that my DD who will be 14 by then shares with her brother who will be 3. Obviously that isn't going to happen. At the moment my girls do and always have shared. Generally it works really well. They have their fights and arguments but are mostly in to the same things In your situation I'd hang on unless one of the rooms is big enough to divide and still have decent space. It's hard going though, I appreciate that.

There's no legal thing about room sharing social housing would be screwed if they LEGALLY had to provide enough bedrooms for everyone.

Up to 10 the advice is mixed sex only need one room per two kids.
From 10 they ADVISE single sex room, two kids per room.
From 16 they ADVISE single room but in reality, if you have more than two kids you just stick to keeping it single sex.

I shared with my sister until she moved out at 18. If she'd stayed longer, we'd have shared longer. It's fine