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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do your kids share a room?

179 replies

trixey · 10/02/2022 13:52

I'm a priority case in housing with my council. I've been on it about 5 months now and I'm eligible for a 4 bedroomed house. I have ds1 who is autistic, really could do with his own room. Dd2 is 10 so by law that gives her her own bedroom and ds3 who is age 3.

I don't seem to be getting anywhere with the 4 beds, there isn't any and when the odd one comes up, I'm no where near the top for bidding.

I understand there's such a shortage in housing, my council have been fab at getting me on as a priority case.

There's 2 separate brand new 3 bed houses that have come up that I am in the first position to bid for. Meaning I'd probably get either of them. Absolutely great locations, slightly out of the city I live on so would be a great fresh start for me and the kids.

But it's just room sharing. Dd is 10 and loves her little brother, says she would happily share with him. But we all know that won't last as she reaches the teenage years. I think I'd get a year of them both loving it and then the desperate need for their own space.

DS1 is autistic he could do with his own room.

I don't know what to do, I'm just wondering how you work it for your children sharing rooms? I thought maybe I could give the 2 kids who share the biggest bedroom and maybe look at a room divider. Maybe the 2 boys for this.

Or shall I hang on a bit longer?

Thanks

OP posts:
Postitmug · 10/02/2022 21:33

Just want to add a suggestion that while 3 yr old sleeps with you, you still divide the boys' room so that the 3 yr old has designated toy and clothes storage and bed (unslept in initially), and the older boy doesn't get used to thinking of the whole room as his alone.

Best of luck OP. I hope you and your children find a new home soon.

Hankunamatata · 10/02/2022 22:01

If the master bedroom is big you could always divide it with the likes of a kallax unit and have the 3 yr old in with you until he is 5 then you could look at room sharing with brother as he would be older

Hankunamatata · 10/02/2022 22:04

My asd son shares with his brother as he hates being alone. He has however made bottom bunk into a den by having blankets hang over from top bunk. His brother have learned to leave him be if he is in his bed with blankets shut like curtains as he is having me time

dogaibu · 10/02/2022 22:06

If you get a 3 bed with a dining room or dining area you could use that as a 4th bedroom?

kitkatsky · 10/02/2022 22:09

Can't you share with one of the younger two?

scarpa · 10/02/2022 22:28

Christ, there's some chippy bastards on this thread. It's not a race to the bottom - OP has been judged to be eligible for a 4 bed and if she can get one then... Good?!

I'm glad social housing exists where people can get the space they need instead of being forced into private rentals that don't suit their families, and everyone whinging that they shared a room with 9 of their siblings and why can't OP just sounds a bit like "Nobody should ever have better than the bare minimum".

Hope you find somewhere suitable, OP! I grew up in a 2-bed HA house, and luckily my sister and I were v close in age and mostly happy to share, but a fair few people on our street put temporary stud wall type things up in the big bedroom to make it into 2, so it's definitely doable if you can find a 3 bed that could be adapted 😊

marpelier · 11/02/2022 09:08

Best wishes with it all, but my just turned 10yo still sleeps in my room. Doesn't bother me. I'd be taking the little one in with you and grabbing the 3 bedder. Worry about everything else later.

TheViewFromTheCheapSeats · 11/02/2022 09:42

Personally I would have a nice sofa bed for myself downstairs and give kids rooms, with your daughter in the largest with my furniture/ clothing.
We did this when we had three kids in a two bed flat, it worked well, I know friends who’s done it also.

AryaStarkWolf · 11/02/2022 10:50

@ArianaDumbledore

I would take the 3 bed, you have biggest room and share with the youngest for the time-being.
Really? when there's 3 bedrooms in the house? That seems crazy. The 10 year old and 3 year old will be absolutely fine sharing
AryaStarkWolf · 11/02/2022 10:53

@ArianaDumbledore sorry I quoted the wrong person! my post was relating to the post suggesting she should sleep on a sofa bed downstairs and give all the children their own rooms

CoilWatershed · 11/02/2022 15:59

@PinkSyCo

We have just moved to a three bedroom house from a two bedroom flat, my daughter is now 11 and my son is ASD. We waited 2 years to be moved. Tbh they liked sharing a room and even now they tend to hang out together. I would put the boys in together and let your daughter have her own room

Yet more proof that not all autistic children are the same. I will await my apology from those that think they are shall I?

No one said that. Stop trying to explain autism when you clearly know fucknall about it.
PinkSyCo · 11/02/2022 16:01

No one said that. Stop trying to explain autism when you clearly know fucknall about it.

They basically did.

gingerhills · 11/02/2022 16:06

I'd look at dividing the master bedroom into two for the two boys, then you have the next biggest room and DD has the third bedroom. If you can divide it so they each get a window, that would be great, but if not, as long as there's good air circulation and they mainly sleep in it, and can play and chill downstairs, then it should be fine.

user1478172746 · 11/02/2022 16:17

I would share with little one for now. He is only three, almost baby.

CoilWatershed · 11/02/2022 16:18

@PinkSyCo

No one said that. Stop trying to explain autism when you clearly know fucknall about it.

They basically did.

Where?
Newone2 · 11/02/2022 16:39

@trixey are you in a heigh banding? Usually if you have fleed DV the banding should be heigh.

Also how long have you been bidding . How far up the list do you seen to be? 3 beds are much more common than 4 and you could make it work. But a 4 bed would be better for you

LittleOwl153 · 11/02/2022 16:41

If you are top of the list for a 3 bed, but struggling on the 4's yet your entitlement is a 4... I'd check ypur entitlement has been listed properly.
As others say it seems unlikely you'd be allowed to bid below your entitlement as that puts you at 'overcrowded' before you move in. Have a chat with your housing officer...

Chichimcgee · 11/02/2022 21:52

Just to let people know that you don’t get to see photos, there’s no browsing like on right move, it’s literally ‘3 bedroom house’ so op won’t have a clue if it has a dining room or anything to make into a 4th bedroom and won’t know until it comes to view it in which case if she turns it down she can lose her right to bid.

RussianSpy101 · 11/02/2022 21:56

Ignore @PinkSyCo who clearly knows F all about ASD.

I would try and divide the room with a Kallax or similar for DD and DS2.

RussianSpy101 · 11/02/2022 22:05

@trixey I have sent you a message.

Detest · 11/02/2022 22:13

I have 5 DC, 1 autistic. 4 bed council houses are very rare. We ended up with a 3 bed with dining room. It's far from ideal, we hate it, but at least we're housed.

Lemonlady22 · 11/02/2022 22:14

Funny how it's not 'the law' if you have a mortgage or own your home. 'Im entitled' is a big cope out for people who think the world owes them. Im 'entitled' to my opinion.

Comedycook · 11/02/2022 22:17

@Lemonlady22

Funny how it's not 'the law' if you have a mortgage or own your home. 'Im entitled' is a big cope out for people who think the world owes them. Im 'entitled' to my opinion.
Oh dear. This is a single mother with three kids, one of whom has special needs and has escaped an abusive marriage. Did you really need to write that post?

As it stands, there are loads of people in over crowded social housing despite the rules on siblings sharing, so don't let it bother you.

RussianSpy101 · 11/02/2022 22:54

@Lemonlady22 you have a bizarre sense of humour. Which bit was funny? The bit about her fleeing an abusive husband? The bit about currently sharing a bed with her children at her parents just to ensure their safety? The bit about her having a disabled child?

All of the above?

Chichimcgee · 11/02/2022 23:13

@Lemonlady22
Take your issues up with the council who have a duty to house people who are in desperate need in adequate housing.
Then thank your lucky stars you’ve never been in this situation.

I’m currently at a refuge, I’m not allowed to apply for two beds, don’t care if my kids share but it’s not my choice so how does that make me entitled?

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