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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do your kids share a room?

179 replies

trixey · 10/02/2022 13:52

I'm a priority case in housing with my council. I've been on it about 5 months now and I'm eligible for a 4 bedroomed house. I have ds1 who is autistic, really could do with his own room. Dd2 is 10 so by law that gives her her own bedroom and ds3 who is age 3.

I don't seem to be getting anywhere with the 4 beds, there isn't any and when the odd one comes up, I'm no where near the top for bidding.

I understand there's such a shortage in housing, my council have been fab at getting me on as a priority case.

There's 2 separate brand new 3 bed houses that have come up that I am in the first position to bid for. Meaning I'd probably get either of them. Absolutely great locations, slightly out of the city I live on so would be a great fresh start for me and the kids.

But it's just room sharing. Dd is 10 and loves her little brother, says she would happily share with him. But we all know that won't last as she reaches the teenage years. I think I'd get a year of them both loving it and then the desperate need for their own space.

DS1 is autistic he could do with his own room.

I don't know what to do, I'm just wondering how you work it for your children sharing rooms? I thought maybe I could give the 2 kids who share the biggest bedroom and maybe look at a room divider. Maybe the 2 boys for this.

Or shall I hang on a bit longer?

Thanks

OP posts:
RussianSpy101 · 11/02/2022 23:13

@Chichimcgee I hope you get your home soon x

Chichimcgee · 11/02/2022 23:14

@RussianSpy101 thank you so much. I’m 38 weeks pregnant and ds has severe autism, definitely not easy being here!

RussianSpy101 · 11/02/2022 23:16

@Chichimcgee bloody hell!! Do you know roughly how long you’ll be waiting. Sending you all the luck in the world and I hope you have real life support! X

Chichimcgee · 11/02/2022 23:33

there’s someone who has been here a year and it usually takes a ridiculous amount of time to find somewhere.
A couple of months for application to be approved.
You can only bid on 2 houses a week. It’s rare to get a 3 bed and I’ve never seen a 4 bed so really feel for op. If nothing is available you can’t bid on a smaller property so have to wait another week.
Then it’s 2 weeks+ to say if you’re being offered the house.
Then it depends on if the house is ready to move in or not, it can be months if the council need to work on it. The average for this refuge is 6 months to 2 years.

DS is really struggling here so I’ve been contacting the council and social housing direct, filling out and emailing forms asap, asked the case workers here to contact them as well and I’ve managed to get a viewing soon so in total I’m hoping we’ll have only been here a couple of months fingers crossed Smile

Furbulousnous · 11/02/2022 23:40

The world of council housing seems miles
Away from the real world - you want 4 bedroom rooms for an adult and 3 kids?? I know families where teen boys and their teen sisters share rooms. Not ideal but reality. Or families where the kids are 2 or 3 kids in one room.
Your DD can share with the little one
For a long time.big age gap. Or have the little one with you.

BitcherOfBlakiven · 11/02/2022 23:44

@Furbulousnous

The world of council housing seems miles Away from the real world - you want 4 bedroom rooms for an adult and 3 kids?? I know families where teen boys and their teen sisters share rooms. Not ideal but reality. Or families where the kids are 2 or 3 kids in one room. Your DD can share with the little one For a long time.big age gap. Or have the little one with you.
Hmm it’s not WANT, it’s what they’ve assessed her as needing based on her circumstances.

Having to go and rely on the council to house you is horrible enough as it is without bollocks comments like this.

BitcherOfBlakiven · 11/02/2022 23:45

Also, they don’t let you bid on studios, 1 beds or 2 beds if they determine you need 3/4 bedrooms ffs.

RussianSpy101 · 11/02/2022 23:49

@Furbulousnous presumably these are properties your friends own so they made those choices when they had more children than bedrooms?

The OP has been told this is what she should have. She’s hardly to going to say “no just chuck me in a bedsit love”, is she?! 🙄 her family have been through enough.

Furbulousnous · 11/02/2022 23:52

‘ hmm it’s not WANT, it’s what they’ve assessed her as needing based on her circumstances.’

Okay. But I, likeMany people I suspect, would be very happy taking the free 3 bed house and making it work.
I did grow up in a 2 up, 2 down though, shared with sibs, and parents paid the rent to the council so maybe more used to getting on with what you have rather than what you might want.
In these circs OP
Should maybe settle for 3 bedrooms for the 4 of them and get on with the fresh start.

Chichimcgee · 11/02/2022 23:53

@Furbulousnous
Your DD can share with the little one
For a long time.big age gap. Or have the little one with you.

The choice is continue living with parents which isn’t suitable.
Or try and persuade the council for a 3 bed (which having been assessed as needing a 4 bed would be unlikely)
Or holding out for a 4 bed.

It’s not like OP has a few grand lying about to private rent and it’s not her choice about bedrooms! In an ideal world a child wouldn’t share, everyone should be entitled to their own personal space. It’s not the councils fault people choose to have more kids than bedrooms.

RussianSpy101 · 11/02/2022 23:53

@Furbulousnous

‘ hmm it’s not WANT, it’s what they’ve assessed her as needing based on her circumstances.’

Okay. But I, likeMany people I suspect, would be very happy taking the free 3 bed house and making it work.
I did grow up in a 2 up, 2 down though, shared with sibs, and parents paid the rent to the council so maybe more used to getting on with what you have rather than what you might want.
In these circs OP
Should maybe settle for 3 bedrooms for the 4 of them and get on with the fresh start.

Right… exactly what she is contemplating then…..

It’s not free either. She will pay rent. Just like your parents did in their council house……

Furbulousnous · 11/02/2022 23:54

@Furbulousnous presumably these are properties your friends own so they made those choices when they had more children than bedrooms?
‘
No. Mostly rented. Some off council, some privately.

RussianSpy101 · 11/02/2022 23:55

@Furbulousnous so they chose houses with less bedrooms than children then? What relevance does that have to the OP?

Furbulousnous · 11/02/2022 23:57

‘ It’s not free either. She will pay rent’

I am genuinely impressed by someone paying all their rent and bills as a single parent, with 3 kids and 1 with special needs. The smaller 3 bed will be cheaper, so another reason to go for what’s available now and have 2 kids share.

Furbulousnous · 12/02/2022 00:00

‘ so they chose houses with less bedrooms than children then? What relevance does that have to the OP?’

Op is Asking if kids can share. Yes, they can and do all the time. ‘Choosing’ a house with less bedrooms than kids is often a financial
Choice - otherwise wouldn’t we all be living in 4/5/6 bed housing???
I

dipdye · 12/02/2022 00:02

Take the three bed, things will work out.

Good luck op

Chichimcgee · 12/02/2022 00:05

*’Choosing’ a house with less bedrooms than kids is often a financial choice’

Surely people should decide if they financially should have more kids?

I don’t think you understand how the council work.
If you’re assessed as needing a 4 bedroom house. You CANNOT bid on a 3 bedroom house. OP is going to have to persuade the council that a 3 bed will be suitable. Theres no harm in asking people about kids sharing when she’s going to be basically going against what the council has assessed she needs and trying to come up with a plan on how it will work. There will also be a time when she will be classed as overcrowded when the kids are older and will then be looking for 4 bedroom.

Furbulousnous · 12/02/2022 00:22

‘ Chichimcgee

*’Choosing’ a house with less bedrooms than kids is often a financial choice’

Surely people should decide if they financially should have more kids? ’

Ahahahhahahhhahaahahahhahhaahh.
Oh, wait, you’re serious? Council housing is stuffed with people who decided to only ha e children they could ‘financially’ afford I would
Imagine.
In fact, isn’t the world only populated with children whose parents decided they A) really wanted them and B) could financially afford them?
Wise up.

Furbulousnous · 12/02/2022 00:22

‘Take the three bed, things will work out.
’

With bells on.

PinkSyCo · 12/02/2022 04:06

I don’t know an awful lot about ASD it’s true. I don’t think it’s right or helpful to lump all autistic people together as the same, rather than recognise that they are individuals with different wants and needs though.

BitcherOfBlakiven · 12/02/2022 06:27

@Furbulousnous

‘ It’s not free either. She will pay rent’

I am genuinely impressed by someone paying all their rent and bills as a single parent, with 3 kids and 1 with special needs. The smaller 3 bed will be cheaper, so another reason to go for what’s available now and have 2 kids share.

Fucking hell could you be any more patronising?! You do realise a lot of single mothers work? Or are you one of those that think we all sit on benefits for 20 years?
RussianSpy101 · 12/02/2022 06:59

@Furbulousnous you’re very easily impressed, aren’t you.

A financial choice. Interesting. Do you have a lot of friends that make huge life decisions without considering their finances?

Original poster
trixey · 12/02/2022 08:05

Morning, I haven't checked this thread but wow...didn't expect it to turn into such a debate.

Firstly using the word 'entitled' is actually pretty much on my letter of confirmation.

Bedroom Entitlement: 4 Bedroomed property

So while it may look like I'm saying 'oh well I'm entitled ti a 4 bed, I'm simply using the terms that the council and other housing associations give me.

Secondly, I've decided against either of these 3 bedroomed properties for this week. Myself and 3dcs are just getting over the most awful sickness bug I've ever had. My mum and my sister both looked after us and it's just a huge reminder of how I need to be closer to family.

These houses are both a 40 min drive. Not far really but incase of emergency, it's too far to expect my mum or sister just to race to us. I have no one else.I'd still like to move out of the city in which I live but there are some closer areas that would be fab if anything came up. As already mentioned, I have to make it as right as I can for us.

This thread has been massively helpful bar the debates on autism and everything else - thank you!

OP posts:
Furbulousnous · 12/02/2022 09:25

I think you’re mad to turn down a 3 bed for an adult and 3 kids with waiting lists the way they are and the dearth of big properties available, but your decision. I don’t think I know anyone renting privately or who are paying a mortgage who have a 4 bed house for their families. The kids just share.

Original poster
trixey · 12/02/2022 09:35

@Furbulousnous

I think you’re mad to turn down a 3 bed for an adult and 3 kids with waiting lists the way they are and the dearth of big properties available, but your decision. I don’t think I know anyone renting privately or who are paying a mortgage who have a 4 bed house for their families. The kids just share.
No I'm not mad. There's usually about 10ish 3 beds that come up each week where I am. This week there was 32 properties in total. 11 3beds.

It would be mad to move 40 mins away with an sen child with no support around me. DS gets asthma and not often but sometimes needs blue lighted to hospital. I need to think clearly. This has been a good reminder of why I need to be closer to my family.

OP posts: