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Original poster

My name is not on the mortgage and I pay him £700 per month

395 replies

Star54 · 09/02/2022 17:56

I have been with my partner for 30 plus years, we have grown up children and I work full time in a high pressured role. I have always worked and paid towards the house and the bills. We never married although we got engaged. He is now retired and has been for circa 10 years, I give him £700 per month and pay a significant part of the food bill, I also pay when we go out for meals etc. I have left him before twice but returned in part because he refused to give me any money from the house to start anew. My name is not on the house deeds and there is no mortgage, if I raise it the issue always causes a row and he says that he is saving the family as I could walk off and take money from him. I am at the end of my tether and now fel I should leave. Am I being unreasonable given that he had a property in his own right when we first met (I was 21 and am now in my 50s). I am strong him my job but not assertive in my relationship as I have felt bad for leaving him before.

OP posts:
BluebellsGreenbells · 10/02/2022 19:57

You need a solicitor and to get your name on the deeds asap. You also need to draw up wills which will be mutually beneficial if either of you should die. Don’t hang about, if he dies tomorrow you are not in a good place.

How is she supposed to do that when the owner of the home doesn’t want her to?

RaininSummer · 10/02/2022 19:57

Rent a room is 7,500 per year before tax.

M0RVEN · 10/02/2022 19:59

Actually it’s £7,5O0 per year.

And why would he have to declare the part of that money that is her share of the bills? I’m sure that’s more than £900.

This is not a tax matter.

PlntLady · 10/02/2022 20:00

You are engaged in a common law marriage. If you can show you contribute significantly and dont have a rent book for the contributions then you should legally be entitled to a financial state in the property. I know someone who had to pay out twice from 2 relationships for properties they owned when those relationships fell apart. Get yourself a solicitor.

oakleaffy · 10/02/2022 20:01

@Star54
What a grade A @rsehole.
He is clearly protecting his property, hence why he won’t marry you.

Why on Earth are you giving him money?
I’d get legal advice ASAP
Are the kids adults?

oakleaffy · 10/02/2022 20:02

Is there even such a thing as a “ Common law marriage “ in UK?
I’d heard there wasn’t .

Beemagirl · 10/02/2022 20:06

You need go to Citizens Advice who will put you in touch with a local solicitor on their approved list. S/he will tell you about lodging a claim for a "beneficial interest". Do this sooner rather than later.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences

DonaPatrizia · 10/02/2022 20:07

What does he say the £700 payment is covering? Is it expenses like council tax, bills etc?
Are you paying him rent?

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 10/02/2022 20:08

@Star54

No the house is one we moved to when the children were 4 and 6, I am going to seek legal advice as I’m feeling empowered by all the comments and suggestions …many thanks all
Good luck OP. Let us know how you get on.
Fluffmum · 10/02/2022 20:12

The sad thing is if he dies, you’ll get nothing. It will go straight to the kids

ToykotoLosAngeles · 10/02/2022 20:12

@oakleaffy

Is there even such a thing as a “ Common law marriage “ in UK? I’d heard there wasn’t .
No, there is not. At best it's a moral idea.
Petlover9 · 10/02/2022 20:15

@tothemoonandbackbuses

I presume you paid by bank transfer? I would go and see a solicitor. Without telling him.
^^This is urgent - you need this advice from a specialist in the field, see if somewhere like Women's Aid could find one for you. I hope you have bank records of the money paid to this arrogant so and so
TheVolturi · 10/02/2022 20:18

My blood is boiling reading this op. The fucking low life knob. See a solicitor. Best of luck.

Soontobe60 · 10/02/2022 20:19

Take him to Vegas, get him drunk and marry him.
Then leave the pillock.

thisdayistoolong · 10/02/2022 20:23

@Soontobe60

Take him to Vegas, get him drunk and marry him. Then leave the pillock.
This!!!
Vloggamammy · 10/02/2022 20:38

You definitely need legal advice. I hope you have been keeping receipts of all the money you have contributed over the years? Also the child rearing is a contribution to the family. Can you ring citizens advice for information?

XingMing · 10/02/2022 20:40

I'd be contacting the best solicitor I could find. And thinking of how best to poison the grabbing bastard.

Londoncallingme · 10/02/2022 20:51

@rightsideoftheroad

What's the £700 for?
^This!?
Gonnagetgoing · 10/02/2022 21:06

It kind of depends - DM and stepdad live in their house where she paid mortgage and he paid her rent, however their house in is their names legally and when it’s sold he’ll have to sell up and house profits are divided between me, DB and stepdad in thirds. However stepdad also has a holiday home in France in both their names and he has a good civil service pension and they both have significant savings.

DM was married twice before she met stepdad and didn’t want a third marriage, the only thing which might change is inheritance tax etc as making their wills jointly but separately is costly and complex.

In this case OP is foolish and should’ve got married or should get legal advice.

But if you draw up legal agreements marriage isn’t the be and end all.

Devora13 · 10/02/2022 21:10

There are snippets of good advise here, and a load of Dave-down-the-pub guesses.
Depending on the country you are living in and obviously related laws, you may well have rights in the situation, married or not.
Get legal advice confidentially or avoid this person hiding assets.
I owned my own house when I met my husband, but would never have expected him to make a contribution to the mortgage, or pay rent once it was paid off.
Primarily because making a financial or material contribution (e.g. major improvements) would have given him a legal interest in the property.
Thirty years on he has more than proved his worth (and loyalty) so I have no concerns.
But it seems totally mercenary to me to expect a de facto life partner pay rent towards their home (if this is what the £700 is supposed to represent). Is this a family home shared with a woman who has been a mother to.yiur children and wife for decades, or is it a landlord/tenant/licensee arrangement?
I don't think the information the OP has provided leaves any doubt, if it is correct.
DON'T touch any joint finances without competent legal advice.
DON'T move out until your legal situation is clarified (unless there is danger).
DO start putting together any evidence of your financial contribution (bank statements with regular transfers etc).

Blankscreen · 10/02/2022 21:10

The op has effectively rented for 30 years.

mirandasma · 10/02/2022 21:12

Sounds like you would have something called a "constructive trust" and would be eligible for up to half the value of the house. Please get proper legal specialist advice immediately!

Devora13 · 10/02/2022 21:23

Oh, and all the comments about 'UK law'.
Doesn't exist. The UK is a number of countries, for example, we have the law of England and Wales, quite different to Scottish law etc.

DrSbaitso · 10/02/2022 21:25

@Blankscreen

The op has effectively rented for 30 years.
Has she had a contract to protect her tenancy interests?
Devora13 · 10/02/2022 21:34

'mirandasma

Sounds like you would have something called a "constructive trust" and would be eligible for up to half the value of the house. Please get proper legal specialist advice immediately!'

Good point, I'm rusty on trusts.
Grant v Edwards [1986] Ch. 638
Happy to be updated if this has been superceded.