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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My name is not on the mortgage and I pay him £700 per month

395 replies

Star54 · 09/02/2022 17:56

I have been with my partner for 30 plus years, we have grown up children and I work full time in a high pressured role. I have always worked and paid towards the house and the bills. We never married although we got engaged. He is now retired and has been for circa 10 years, I give him £700 per month and pay a significant part of the food bill, I also pay when we go out for meals etc. I have left him before twice but returned in part because he refused to give me any money from the house to start anew. My name is not on the house deeds and there is no mortgage, if I raise it the issue always causes a row and he says that he is saving the family as I could walk off and take money from him. I am at the end of my tether and now fel I should leave. Am I being unreasonable given that he had a property in his own right when we first met (I was 21 and am now in my 50s). I am strong him my job but not assertive in my relationship as I have felt bad for leaving him before.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoing · 11/02/2022 10:03

@2205A

Some of these comments are so unhelpful! As you’ve been there so many years and contributed towards that house and the upkeep etc you have theoretically been paying into it. After an amount of time you do have some entitlement to the costs.

A friend of mine is going through a similar thing - and has been advised that she has entitlement.

As others have said, get legal advice and get out when the time is right - if that’s what you want Smile

@2205A - I agree with you. I used to work for a lawyers and we occasionally got these sorts of queries - can't recall exactly what happened as it was a while ago.

Legally, on paper, yes it doesn't look good.

But the adult children will kick up a fuss re their father and OP will have bank statements showing a monthly payment going out every month as rent.

My stepdad I think had similar - parents not married - but he's been paying rent into the house and contributing re upkeep and physical repairs - so a lawyer told me yes, my DM could get the house if they separated but he could have some form of entitlement - the house was in her name for many years and set to go to children (me and DB) but we both thought that was unfair.

That's what I said above to the lawyer - it's pointless saying unkind and thoughtless comments as then OP might think it's not worthwhile/she won't get anything so wouldn't seek legal advice.

So OP if you come back - please, please go to a good - preferably local or nearby (to save travelling miles to see them) high street solicitor - check google reviews. Some lawyers do both family and conveyancing/property law and some do it separately. You should get a free 30 minute phone or in person consultation. take care. Smile

AlDanvers · 11/02/2022 10:07

@M0RVEN that's all assumptions. Op has given next to no detail at all.

So again, it's all based on assumptions. 'Pretty sure' when there's 2 brief posts, doesn't mean anything. Loads of people post things and leave really important information out. Like the poster that left out that her and her partner weren't together when he slept with someone else.

I can't understand why someone would accept this, without good reasoning either. She left sever times and only came back because he wouldnt give her money from the house. She could a did leave. She chose not to.

But I don't think anyone can be pretty sure of anything. I remember my cousin moaning she paid board every month and there was never her favourite food in. She paid £10 a week, twice.

All I am saying is that no one can post in absolutes. We can guess, but we can't say definitely.

NWE231 · 11/02/2022 14:02

how much is all this legal advice going to cost and what are the chances of success?

ginger21 · 11/02/2022 14:03

Definitely see a solicitor, ask about a Notice of Home Rights (she'll explain). Have you made a will, leaving your interest in the house to your children? If not, do so, another one for your solicitor. After doing these things, if you then stop paying and stay in the house what's he likely to do? He can't evict you, he can't sue you for unpaid rent as there's no tenancy agreement. Negotiate that you will re-start paying a reasonable amount only after the property is transferred into joint names. This is just an outline, not full legal advice, obviously, but if you get a pro-active solicitor then it's feasible.

UppermillSarah · 11/02/2022 14:09

What a crazy arrangement. As others have said, get legal advice and then take whatever action protects your interests

Beautiful3 · 11/02/2022 14:20

You're not married. It's his house. You'd get nothing.

ginger21 · 11/02/2022 14:29

Well let's face it the legal costs will be less than half the value of the property. Chances of success? Notice of Home Rights can be registered unilaterally. Making a Will? Less than the £700 she's currently paying monthly. These protect her position and after that it depends what she does next ...

ginger21 · 11/02/2022 14:32

@Beautiful3 - you are completely wrong.

Blossomtoes · 11/02/2022 14:36

[quote ginger21]@Beautiful3 - you are completely wrong.[/quote]
She’s not. A notice of home rights only applies to people leaving a marriage or civil partnership.

www.gov.uk/stay-in-home-during-separation-or-divorce

DrSbaitso · 11/02/2022 14:37

[quote ginger21]@Beautiful3 - you are completely wrong.[/quote]
Is she?

ginger21 · 11/02/2022 15:32

@DrSbaitso - rhetorical question?

Lockdownbear · 11/02/2022 15:36

If you aren’t named on the title deeds
If you’re not married or in a civil partnership, or you haven’t sorted out what happens to your home, you might still be able to prove your right to the home if you can prove you have a 'beneficial interest'. This usually means you've contributed to the home financially.

In court, you’ll need to show a judge how you’ve contributed towards paying for the home - this can be difficult, socontact your nearest Citizens Advicebefore you start. An adviser can help you through the process

From CAB for England.
The Op needs legal advice

Pedallleur · 11/02/2022 19:00

Not having read the whole thread how was the money paid, cash? DD? Was there a record of the payments and has the recipient paid tax over the years on this income?

Delphigirl · 11/02/2022 20:19

@ginger21

Definitely see a solicitor, ask about a Notice of Home Rights (she'll explain). Have you made a will, leaving your interest in the house to your children? If not, do so, another one for your solicitor. After doing these things, if you then stop paying and stay in the house what's he likely to do? He can't evict you, he can't sue you for unpaid rent as there's no tenancy agreement. Negotiate that you will re-start paying a reasonable amount only after the property is transferred into joint names. This is just an outline, not full legal advice, obviously, but if you get a pro-active solicitor then it's feasible.
This sort of uninformed nonsense is why you should not trust numpties on the internet, no matter how certain they sound. This is wrong from start to finish.
Delphigirl · 11/02/2022 20:21

@ginger21

Well let's face it the legal costs will be less than half the value of the property. Chances of success? Notice of Home Rights can be registered unilaterally. Making a Will? Less than the £700 she's currently paying monthly. These protect her position and after that it depends what she does next ...
You can’t leave something you don’t own to someone else by testamentary disposition. By all means make a will if you don’t have one and have other assets, it this won’t help your legal position re your partner one bit.
Roxy69 · 12/02/2022 11:47

As you are not married and have no rights I am not sure what you think you might be entitled to.

Beemagirl · 12/02/2022 12:13

@Delphigirl if you can't give constructive advice or practical solutions why criticise others.

SueStan · 12/02/2022 12:45

See a solicitor or possibly a direct access barrister - ring a local barristers chambers, speak to the clerk and explain that you want someone who specialises in TOLATA (Trusts of Land and Trustee Act). The house was bought for the purpose of providing a home for both of you and for your children, so your partner holds it on trust for both of you and you can claim an interest in it.

lap90 · 12/02/2022 12:55

Blimey, he's had it good hasn't he?

Mikey87 · 12/02/2022 13:57

You should not stay with someone due to money. If you leave legally you are entitled to a pay out, although not married you have lived together for 30 years. Any court of law will see your side. Move away and lawyer up, you will be OK.

Blossomtoes · 12/02/2022 13:59

@Mikey87

You should not stay with someone due to money. If you leave legally you are entitled to a pay out, although not married you have lived together for 30 years. Any court of law will see your side. Move away and lawyer up, you will be OK.
I do wish people would RTFT and stop posting fiction.
youvegottenminuteslynn · 12/02/2022 14:13

@Mikey87

You should not stay with someone due to money. If you leave legally you are entitled to a pay out, although not married you have lived together for 30 years. Any court of law will see your side. Move away and lawyer up, you will be OK.
Yeah this isn't how the law works I'm afraid.
DrSbaitso · 12/02/2022 14:22

@Mikey87

You should not stay with someone due to money. If you leave legally you are entitled to a pay out, although not married you have lived together for 30 years. Any court of law will see your side. Move away and lawyer up, you will be OK.
Put the pipe down.
XingMing · 12/02/2022 21:59

While I sympathize with the OP, I think there are some barracks lawyers touting here.

Fairyfalls · 12/02/2022 22:06

My friend is in a similar situation moved into partners house over 25years ago and has two over 18 adult children now. Partner says if he passes away (he is 15 years older) then house will go to the children and says to her '' they won't evict you''. She has paid into that house for years yet she has nothing to show for it. Scarey for her.