My name is not on the mortgage and I pay him £700 per month

[Star54]

I have been with my partner for 30 plus years, we have grown up children and I work full time in a high pressured role. I have always worked and paid towards the house and the bills. We never married although we got engaged. He is now retired and has been for circa 10 years, I give him £700 per month and pay a significant part of the food bill, I also pay when we go out for meals etc. I have left him before twice but returned in part because he refused to give me any money from the house to start anew. My name is not on the house deeds and there is no mortgage, if I raise it the issue always causes a row and he says that he is saving the family as I could walk off and take money from him. I am at the end of my tether and now fel I should leave. Am I being unreasonable given that he had a property in his own right when we first met (I was 21 and am now in my 50s). I am strong him my job but not assertive in my relationship as I have felt bad for leaving him before.

You are putting words into my mouth, I didn’t say that.

Actually you did. But suggesting sex was the difference between renting or not.

I was replying to the person who said it was the same as renting. You can tell that because I’ve included their post at the top of mine.

I was talking about the words you actually used, you can tell because I used the words you actually used.

Are you the main beneficiary in his will and is there provision for your children in the will?

Does he have life/other insurance that you benefit from?

If the answer is no, then you need to have a candid conversation about the way you feel.

The first house we bought together, I had bad credit - so my partner was the mortgage holder and I shared the bills - that was fine, it got us on the property ladder and he didn’t fleece me (that was 14 years ago) plus I was the beneficiary if anything happened to him.

We now have kids and a joint mortgage. He earns more than me and we split the finances proportionally, we couldn’t have bought our current house if we hadn’t bought the first house and we couldn’t have paid the mortgage on that house without my contribution so it made sense at the time.

Unless he has a very good retirement income, it sounds to me like he needs you to pay the mortgage. That’s leverage to me and it seems only fair to me that you have a share in a house you have paid a lot of money towards. Do what you need to do to protect yourself and your children.

Re-read your initial comment re: no mortgage. Speak to a solicitor.

Sounds familiar was his income ‘dodgy’ and he needed you with the high earning decent job to have your name the bills etc

No wonder that fucker has been retired for the last ten years you’ve been paying him a wage every mth! Leave and get your own house,good luck

Lawyer here. You are.stuffed. if he is a good man sit him down and ask him what he is going to do to give you some security. You have no claim unless you have contributed to the mortar or funded subststqntial home improvements or.you are married to him. Please ignore the frankly dangerous and delusional advice on this thread. Get yourself to a good family lawyer who will give this same advice

Please get legal advice, ASAP. Good luck with it,

I’m not surprised that your wife left @RandomLondoner

I think you need to see a solicitor as soon as possible to find out where you stand although I feel it won't be good news. Have you paid anything towards home improvements over the years, I think that is considered relevant. I can't imagine that you'll get a huge amount though even if that is the case.
What's he likely to do if you refuse to contribute any more to the general pot and only cover your own personal expenses in future and stop doing anything for him.

@Member869894

Lawyer here. You are.stuffed. if he is a good man sit him down and ask him what he is going to do to give you some security. You have no claim unless you have contributed to the mortar or funded subststqntial home improvements or.you are married to him. Please ignore the frankly dangerous and delusional advice on this thread. Get yourself to a good family lawyer who will give this same advice

@Member869894 - OP is not necessarily stuffed. He may have provided for her in his will and vice versa, plus her adult children may kick up a fuss and demand their father sees a solicitor for legal advice and gets property put into both their names. Yes he could be difficult, but a good family and conveyancing lawyer will advise her on the best action to take, not worry or scare her into thinking the worst possible scenario.

Sorry, I promise last question, but what do you guys do in ENgland if there is no will and the couple have never married but been together for decades, but have no children? Just out of interest. Sorry OP I hope it all works out for you.
Best suggestion I've got, given the law where you live, is to grab everything of value that you can and stop the payments and set up your own life. You aren't that old. Rent somewhere you love . Have your adult children round for dinner regularly and enjoy your life.

If you die intestate then the government take over and fine a next of kin - brother sister uncle aunt etc - if no one is found the my sell the property and take the cash.

Unmarried partner gets nothing.

Sounds like he is a typical manipulator and financial abuser just like my ex. My guess is that you have been also doing all the house work and he didn't help you much with kids when they were young. I recommend you to start recording your conversations as an abusive behavior might be discovered. Just keep your phone in the pocket

www.inheritancedisputes.co.uk/news-articles/what-are-your-rights-if-your-name-not-deeds.html

A simple Google would have helped you find good legal advice abd representation. I suspect your post is more for reassurance that he is abusive and you are not wrong to want to leave.
Please also see this website.
freedomprogramme.co.uk/lwd.php

Firstly you need some support to talk through what is going on. This is not a tight wad, he has been financially controlling you and knows you cant/won't leave due to your financial situation. When you are ready, you can get support to make a plan. Wishing you the best.

By way of example, in other cases the Courts have agreed that a non-owner had acquired a beneficial interest:

by paying for household expenses which would otherwise have been met by the owner so that the owner could afford to make the mortgage payments, even though there was no express agreement or direct contribution by the non-owner;

See link I added. You have a case here.

Some of these comments are so unhelpful!
As you’ve been there so many years and contributed towards that house and the upkeep etc you have theoretically been paying into it. After an amount of time you do have some entitlement to the costs.

A friend of mine is going through a similar thing - and has been advised that she has entitlement.

As others have said, get legal advice and get out when the time is right - if that’s what you want

@BluebellsGreenbells

If you die intestate then the government take over and fine a next of kin - brother sister uncle aunt etc - if no one is found the my sell the property and take the cash.

Unmarried partner gets nothing.

I don’t think the govt do this. Do you mean find?

Sorry, but you're a mug. He obviously thinks nothing of you, you are just financing him and HIS house. If he dies you get nothing, you're not related to him. If you have children they will inherit his house.

@marpelier

Sorry, I promise last question, but what do you guys do in ENgland if there is no will and the couple have never married but been together for decades, but have no children? Just out of interest. Sorry OP I hope it all works out for you. Best suggestion I've got, given the law where you live, is to grab everything of value that you can and stop the payments and set up your own life. You aren't that old. Rent somewhere you love . Have your adult children round for dinner regularly and enjoy your life.

In this case the couple have kids so if he died, remember the house is all his, it would go to the kids up to them if they let mum stay in it.

Likewise if there were no kids it would go to his family 2nd cousin twice removed if that's the closed relation. There are hair hunkered to look for people with properties that don't leave wills.

Even if a house is jointly owned, an unmarried couple should have wills favouring each other, or their half of the house does not pass to their partner.

Many years ago I argued with friends, my friend was convinced she would inherit her partners half of the house nope, without a will it would go to his two kids, you'd need to buy them out. And her half would go to her sister.
She phoned me a few days later - thanks -spoke to the lawyer who said you were right. Wills are in progress!

You've left before and came back because of the house so he's using it as control over you and is unlikely to agree to change as I assume you will then leave. Put the house aside if it was in joint names would you stay? If the answer is no you need to leave anyway and find the best way to do that. Seek legal advice but I suspect there may not be much you can do there. Either way stop paying and start putting money aside for your own future.

The problem here, is that we have no clue of any details. So anything is a guess.

He may have been explicitly clear that its she had no interest in the property or she may have signed something to say she hasn't.

It could be a multi million pound house and £700 could deemed very cheap rent. Don't think op has even confirmed how long she has been paying so much to like there.

Legal advice for her own situation is definitely best as they can look at everything. No one can say wether she does have a case or doesn't. Or even if she will win. Or how much it will cost vs how much she will get.

Its all speculation. As is the 'well it could be just rent' or the 'he has manipulated you and abusing you'. There could be details that spin everything on its head.

Hi

I was in a similar situation with my partner .
I would say it varies where you live .
As in essence this is rent .
I own my property with a morgage .
My partner pays me towards bills ect .
Which was made clear when she moved into the property .
I charged her what a room is in a shared house in the local area as I couldn't decide what was fair .
She jumped at it .
Due to her paying £1000 a month for a small flat above a pub which she didn't like to a house with a garden ect .
I don't even charge her half that with all bills .
She has asked about ownership before .
So I did say if she matched half the deposit I paid and half the morgage and increase since I've been paying the morgage .
At the time bills and morgage were around £1200 .
Which she instantly declined .
As I've saved since I was 17 towards a property.
When she come from a more well of family and was given substantial money at points in her life which she spent on hoildays ect ect and didn't save any .
which is fine but I won't lose a lot of my equity what I sacrificed luxurys for .
Plus I have children from a previous partner . So I need to make sure there cared for .
I have wrote in my will she can stay in the property if I die .
But has no ownership ..
Then when she dies will go to the children .
Where I live just outside london .
You won't get a studio flat for £700 Inc bills .
1 bedroom in a shared house around here is £650+ .
I would look what a bedroom in a shared house costs and offer that amount .
If he declines go and live with someone else .
I would imagine your struggle saving/geting a morgage now unfortunately .
Unless u have a substantial amount of savings

I do understand u have children and it's a long term relationship , but £700 may be less than if u was private renting and splitting the bills ect . And it's his property to do as he wishes . It's your choice to pay/stay ect

@AlDanvers

The problem here, is that we have no clue of any details. So anything is a guess.

He may have been explicitly clear that its she had no interest in the property or she may have signed something to say she hasn't.

It could be a multi million pound house and £700 could deemed very cheap rent. Don't think op has even confirmed how long she has been paying so much to like there.

Legal advice for her own situation is definitely best as they can look at everything. No one can say wether she does have a case or doesn't. Or even if she will win. Or how much it will cost vs how much she will get.

Its all speculation. As is the 'well it could be just rent' or the 'he has manipulated you and abusing you'. There could be details that spin everything on its head.

The Op says she’s been with him for more than 30 years - she met him when she was 21 and she’s now in her 50s.

She says She has always worked full time, even though they have children.

I’m pretty sure she would have mentioned it if she has signed any legal documents . And even if she had done so, they would be invalid ( or at least easily challenged ) if she did not have independent legal advice at the time.

As her partner is obviously a clever man, he would know this.

And I also think it’s likely that the OP would have mentioned if they were multi millionaires .

I assume he’s a lot older than her - he’s at least 70 while she’s mid 50s. I can see how this unequal set up could start when they were ( say ) 21 and 36.

What I can’t understand is why someone would let this continue for 30 years without taking action.

Ask a solicitor about a constructive or resulting trust.

What I can’t understand is why someone would let this continue for 30 years without taking action

Fear, control, kids. She must have loved him at some point. We don't know her background she might not have had family to turn to either.
Sad but so many think people are CF if they move in with a partner and not expect to pay rent even if the partner owns the house.
My answer is the non-owner should pay half the interest, and half other monthly bills but nothing to the mortgage repayment they should put money aside in a savings pot instead so they have something to fall back on should it go belly up.
The majority knock me down as q CF why should the person live rent free!