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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BF beaten and robbed of £800 after visiting prostitute but I kicked him out

159 replies

DayLondon · 09/02/2022 13:02

Was I wrong to react like this? I had a massive row with my best friend of many years who said it was self-centred and narcissistic of me to behave in the way I did to my now safe to say ex-BF.

Okay the background is me and BF met on Tinder around 3 years ago but during the second lockdown he effectively moved in with me. He was on furlough and then jobless and living rent free but it wasn’t an issue for me at the time. Sometimes he used to go off in the afternoon and return a few hours later and always used to say he was going to meet a friend ‘here and there’ and being a trusting person I didn’t think much of it.

A few afternoons ago he went off again to meet ‘with a friend’ in Canning Town but returned with face slashed and clothes bloodied looking utterly dazed. I was so upset and my immediate thought was he got into a fight but after saying he needed to call the Police he confessed that he had gone to visit a prostitute and ended up being attacked by 2 men and possibly a third who bolted and ran off as soon as the prostitute opened the door.

I told him he had no sympathy from me and to pack his bags and find a friend to stay with and sort it out there. He seemed very upset at this and wasn’t expecting my reaction and said he wanted to ‘come clean with me.’

As a result of all this mess none of my own making I’ve now potentially lost my friend as well though she refused to take my side over this so not sure how good a friend she really was.

Was I wrong to react in the way I did and should I have been more sympathetic to someone who had just been badly robbed and disfigured, regardless of what the circumstances were?

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 09/02/2022 13:04

Have a serious think about the kind of people you mix with in general

T00Ts · 09/02/2022 13:06

Jesus Christ. The revolting ex-boyfriend can go and stay with the mental ex-friend, then. Their ankle-height bar for human decency make them a perfect match.

Run. Make better friends.

MadCatLady3 · 09/02/2022 13:07

YANBU at all. The ‘friend’ is no great loss if they can’t see that.

sadpapercourtesan · 09/02/2022 13:10

I would have called the police and an ambulance, I think. The relationship would have been over of course, and I would want nothing to do with him after that - but I would have got him help for his injuries/shock first.

RelentlessForwardProgress · 09/02/2022 13:10

Agree, she really isn't your friend.

Underpaidsnackbitch · 09/02/2022 13:11

You are without a doubt NBU! So he has been sponging off you for months whilst sitting on his bum, not bringing anything to the table, but he has money to spend on prostitutes? Not to mention the harm he has potentially bought to your sexual health and utter disregard for your feelings and relationship? Your friend must have very low standards to think YABU!

corlan · 09/02/2022 13:12

You did the right thing. Apart from the fact he is happy to cheat on you, he is also happy to pay to have sex with a woman who may have been trafficked or coerced into prostitution for all he knows or cares.
You are well rid of him.

AlDanvers · 09/02/2022 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrimfulOfBaba · 09/02/2022 13:12

He didn't want to come clean to you - he was forced to. I would never wish anyone harm, but I'd have no sympathy for him either.

Your 'friend' is not a friend.

Hope you're OK OP!

Original poster
DayLondon · 09/02/2022 13:12

Thanks for the replies, I feel a little better reading the initial feedback. After the row with my friend I did begin to doubt myself a little if I did the right thing or was too brash. Also just to add - I hope this AIBU doesn't offend anyone due to its adult content. After what happened I am of course extremely angry and apart from 2 friends who I've told I haven't shared it with anyone so I'm very very grateful for the chance to ask here xx

OP posts:
roarfeckingroarr · 09/02/2022 13:13

Disgusting. He deserved what he got.

Ionlydomassiveones · 09/02/2022 13:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Comedycook · 09/02/2022 13:14

Your friend has low standards

MrsWooster · 09/02/2022 13:15

He’s a sleazy sexist cocklodger of whom you are well rid, and your ‘friend’ is… god knows what’s going on with her but she’s no friend of yours.

T00Ts · 09/02/2022 13:16

@AlDanvers you’ve quoted instead of reporting. I’ve done it before, too.

Mo1911 · 09/02/2022 13:16

I think you're two horrible people lighter now. Congratulations.

RightOnTheEdge · 09/02/2022 13:17

You did absolutely the right thing!
He was sponging off you while using money to cheat on you with prostitutes. You are well rid of him.
Your friend is also an arsehole. She is a rubbish friend.
A friend would be supporting and comforting you not taking this losers side.
I hope you have other better friends.

PleasantBirthday · 09/02/2022 13:18

What did you ex friend expect you to do?

ChargingBuck · 09/02/2022 13:20

@sadpapercourtesan

I would have called the police and an ambulance, I think. The relationship would have been over of course, and I would want nothing to do with him after that - but I would have got him help for his injuries/shock first.
Why? He's capable of phoning a sex worker - he's capable of getting himself back to OP's home under his own steam - he can make his own bloody 999 calls.
Crabwoman · 09/02/2022 13:22

I don't think your friend actually knows what a narcassist is tbh.

ChargingBuck · 09/02/2022 13:23

massive row with my best friend of many years who said it was self-centred and narcissistic of me

Well done for fucking off the b/f.
All that's left to do now is fuck off the 'friend.'

Then enjoy having your home back to yourself, & spend the money you used to use to prop up your sleazy ex on giving yourself a lovely weekend.
Flowers

IncompleteSenten · 09/02/2022 13:29

Self centred and narcissistic? Bollocks. Tell your 'friend' they're welcome to him!

Oh my god poor you! What did that mean prostitute and her nasty friends so you you poor lamb. Let me clean you up. Shall I give you the money you lost while trying to buy a fuck? Come sob on my shoulder you prince among men. 🙄

Your friend is either a massive twat or has no self respect and assumes you don't either.

I think you were very kind to him. If my husband had come home in that state for that reason I'd have added to his bloody injuries.

Daenerys77 · 09/02/2022 13:34

Your reaction is completely understandable. And why was someone who can't afford to pay rent carrying £800 in cash?

TheOldTeaBag · 09/02/2022 13:36

You are definitely not being unreasonable. Sorry to detract but why was he carrying £800 on him? That seems a lot of money for a prostitute

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 09/02/2022 13:37

He only came clean because he had to. You’re well rid of him IMO. Anyone with half a brain cell would have shown him the door, too.