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AIBU?

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Original poster

BF beaten and robbed of £800 after visiting prostitute but I kicked him out

159 replies

DayLondon · 09/02/2022 13:02

Was I wrong to react like this? I had a massive row with my best friend of many years who said it was self-centred and narcissistic of me to behave in the way I did to my now safe to say ex-BF.

Okay the background is me and BF met on Tinder around 3 years ago but during the second lockdown he effectively moved in with me. He was on furlough and then jobless and living rent free but it wasn’t an issue for me at the time. Sometimes he used to go off in the afternoon and return a few hours later and always used to say he was going to meet a friend ‘here and there’ and being a trusting person I didn’t think much of it.

A few afternoons ago he went off again to meet ‘with a friend’ in Canning Town but returned with face slashed and clothes bloodied looking utterly dazed. I was so upset and my immediate thought was he got into a fight but after saying he needed to call the Police he confessed that he had gone to visit a prostitute and ended up being attacked by 2 men and possibly a third who bolted and ran off as soon as the prostitute opened the door.

I told him he had no sympathy from me and to pack his bags and find a friend to stay with and sort it out there. He seemed very upset at this and wasn’t expecting my reaction and said he wanted to ‘come clean with me.’

As a result of all this mess none of my own making I’ve now potentially lost my friend as well though she refused to take my side over this so not sure how good a friend she really was.

Was I wrong to react in the way I did and should I have been more sympathetic to someone who had just been badly robbed and disfigured, regardless of what the circumstances were?

OP posts:
CrinklyCraggy · 09/02/2022 15:19

Ah. So conveniently being robbed means he can't pay you back and you can't look at his phone...

Moonlightdust · 09/02/2022 15:20

You are well rid. Sounds like he had it coming to him and owed money. God knows what else he was involved in. You’re better off without the ‘friend’ too.

TottersBlankly · 09/02/2022 15:21

Grin Grin Grin

Indeed …

TottersBlankly · 09/02/2022 15:21

That was to CrinklyCraggy.

RobertsRadio · 09/02/2022 15:27

OMG and he has borrowed money from you as well as living off you and then using that money to pay for sex. He is a parasite and scum and you absolutely did the right thing kicking him out. So sorry Op, that your kindness, generosity and trust were abused in this way, you deserve better.

EishetChayil · 09/02/2022 15:30

Stop spending time with such lowlives.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 09/02/2022 15:32

Your friend has incredibly low standards. Id have binned both of them.

CanofCant · 09/02/2022 15:33

Couldn't have happened to a nicer fella. I'm so glad you kicked him out and weren't taken in by him.

I agree with cutting out anyone who thinks you took unreasonable actions.

Viviennemary · 09/02/2022 15:34

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Blossomtoes · 09/02/2022 15:35

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CanofCant · 09/02/2022 15:35

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Amibeinghighmaintenance · 09/02/2022 15:37

Cripes OP - I've got a thread going at the moment where we've all been um'ing and ah'ing for 15 pages about whether I'm unreasonable to be annoyed that my friend won't catch up with me for a coffee on the weekend and the majority view is that I'm not being unreasonable!!

I don't think there is going to be any um'ing and ah'ing in your case!

AryaStarkWolf · 09/02/2022 15:39

What kind of an asshole is your Best friend? She's defending a guy who was cheating on you by paying for sex? I'd be more than happy to lose her actually

LivingDeadGirlUK · 09/02/2022 15:41

Get tested for STI's, say good riddance to the 'friend'. £800 is a lot of cash, any chance he was actually involved in dealing?

user1481840227 · 09/02/2022 15:45

Self centred and narcissistic Shock
Your 'friend' has some very strange views.

If someone does something awful to you and you get a huge shock then of course you're not expected to act like a saint and look after him.
I wouldn't want the scumbag anywhere near me either.

Grandville · 09/02/2022 15:48

@Viviennemary

You were vile. Talk about victim blaming.
Lol he is reaping what he has sown with OP. You can't come crying to your girlfriend about the consequences of cheating and buying other women.

No one deserves to be assaulted and robbed but OP absolutely has no responsibility to pick up the pieces.

scoobydoo1971 · 09/02/2022 15:48

Freeloader uses the fact he doesn't have to pay his way to fund a lifestyle choice of buying sex from women, many of whom are enslaved under hideous conditions and battling serious mental health/ physical abuse/ drug issues. You were wise to get rid of him as he only had a lot of cash on him due to cocklodging off you, and others perhaps. Your friend has very low and confused standards, but that is not your problem. Never allow another person to freeload off you, even if you can afford it. It shows the person (man or woman) to have zero pride if they are willing to take money off you. Life lesson learned I guess.

skodadoda · 09/02/2022 15:48

@LadyMaid

You are not being unreasonable. You should also get tested for any potential STI.
My thoughts too
Borderterrierpuppy · 09/02/2022 15:50

Your friend does not want the best for you, don’t give either of them another minute of your time x

user1481840227 · 09/02/2022 15:51

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GrazingSheep · 09/02/2022 15:54

Goodness !

Joolsin · 09/02/2022 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blossomtoes · 09/02/2022 16:07

No, @Joolsin. There’s form there for - let’s be polite - bizarre comments.

AcrossthePond55 · 09/02/2022 16:08

OK, he was viciously attacked. I'm sorry about that part of it, I'm sure it was terrifying for him. BUT in the 'normal course of things' I would have broken up with any man who either had, or intended to, visit a prostitute.

Does your friend think that the attack negated his behaviour? Or that visiting prostitutes isn't a reason to break up with someone if there are 'extenuating circumstances'? That's a crock of shit.

The thing is that it is very easy to 'Be Kind' and understanding when it's not you that's stuck with that crock of shit. You did the right thing and your friend is an arse.

However, don't be surprised if this waste of space ends up sleeping in her bed on her couch. Either that or she has a partner who's done the same to her and she took him back

RobertsRadio · 09/02/2022 16:10

@Blossomtoes

No, *@Joolsin*. There’s form there for - let’s be polite - bizarre comments.
Yep, can confirm this. "Bizarre" is being very polite