BF beaten and robbed of £800 after visiting prostitute but I kicked him out

[DayLondon]

Was I wrong to react like this? I had a massive row with my best friend of many years who said it was self-centred and narcissistic of me to behave in the way I did to my now safe to say ex-BF.

Okay the background is me and BF met on Tinder around 3 years ago but during the second lockdown he effectively moved in with me. He was on furlough and then jobless and living rent free but it wasn’t an issue for me at the time. Sometimes he used to go off in the afternoon and return a few hours later and always used to say he was going to meet a friend ‘here and there’ and being a trusting person I didn’t think much of it.

A few afternoons ago he went off again to meet ‘with a friend’ in Canning Town but returned with face slashed and clothes bloodied looking utterly dazed. I was so upset and my immediate thought was he got into a fight but after saying he needed to call the Police he confessed that he had gone to visit a prostitute and ended up being attacked by 2 men and possibly a third who bolted and ran off as soon as the prostitute opened the door.

I told him he had no sympathy from me and to pack his bags and find a friend to stay with and sort it out there. He seemed very upset at this and wasn’t expecting my reaction and said he wanted to ‘come clean with me.’

As a result of all this mess none of my own making I’ve now potentially lost my friend as well though she refused to take my side over this so not sure how good a friend she really was.

Was I wrong to react in the way I did and should I have been more sympathetic to someone who had just been badly robbed and disfigured, regardless of what the circumstances were?

Is your friend the sex worker? I can think of no reason she has fallen out with you over this. Very bizarre and how awful for you having to deal with not one betrayal but two

Let the ex boyfriend stay with the soon to be ex friend.

You were perfectly ok to say sling your hook to a man who uses prostitutes. Lay down with a dog and wake up with flees is an old expression for him. He associates with certain people and that's a potential outcome.

PS - change the locks. Block him and her on all contacts.

Avoid like the plague.

@DayLondon

I'm sorry you've 'lost' who you THOUGHT was your close friend. You haven't, you've freed yourself of two tests in one swoop! Though it might take you time to realise that!

Almost 500 posts and still 100% YANBU

Even if that changes (some idiot will vote YABU just to be an idiot) you must surely realise that YANBU. Frankly he's lucky you didn't add to his injuries, I don't think I'd have been that restrained!

Make sure everything if his is out of YOUR house.

Get STI tests

Look forwards, not backwards!! Plan something(a) nice for the weekend/the summer/whatever.

Look after yoursekf

Of course you did the right thing.

For a start your BF has put your health and future fertility at risk by his actions. This is unforgivable.

Second of all it sounds as though the woman/women he was using were being controlled by other people, so he was likely to be supporting criminal activity of the worst sort, probably trafficking, extortion, possibly drug dealing. I am not blaming the woman/ women, I don’t know their situation, but being beaten up by minders shouts out about coercion.

Who would want to have anything to do with someone whose actions and money props up criminal activity? Your so called best friend is an idiot.

I'd have probably been too soft to kick him out while he was bleeding, but I'd absolutely support a friend who had done so and you've done the right thing.

I also agree, he didn't get beaten "just" for visiting a sex worker. There's more to it than that.

Why on earth should the OP call 999? No lives were at risk, no crime was happening at that moment?

If the tosser wants to report a crime that's his business.

OP get rid of both of them.

If it was an excuse then how bad must it have been for the less-worse reason to be the prostitute.

I'm reminded of a couple of patients, one of whose excuse to his wife after an A and E visit involved a candle, mirror and ad hoc 'solo' rectal examination that couldn't wait during a power cut but fortunately he had a friend who arrived on the off-chance to drive him to the hospital. The other involved a vacuum cleaner and manscaping gone wrong.

All I can hear in my head is "I robbed all his cocaine" (said in a scouse accent) and think of the couple of scallies nicking Ian Hart's bag, with this thread.

Presumably what he owed for previous visits, and presumably not all of what he owed, hence getting duffed up by the pimp.

I can't speak from experience, but I really don't think sex workers allow punters to run up a tab. Also, £800 is several times to much to pay for one ordinary encounter. On the other hand, who in their right mind would carry that sort of cash on them while engaging in transactions in shady circumstances.

As several people have said, the facts don't really add up.

You did the right thing.

No, he'd have no sympathy from me, either. If your "friend" can't see that you're well rid of him, then it's time to lose her, too. Consider it clearing out the rubbish from you life, and be more particular about who you keep in your circle from now on.

So he’s been freeloading off you for years then he returns home bloodied and bruised after visiting a prostitute and your ‘best friend’ thinks you were unreasonable for kicking him out? Crikey, you need new friends and definitely better taste in men.

Can you imagine the call? Police please I want to complain that while I was on my way to an illegal activity I was the victim of a crime...

Every cloud has a silver lining
Get rid of him and your so called friend

I once had the misfortune of being somebody who arrived home with a bashed up face. I was only 18 and clueless.

He arrived home with about £200 on him that he didn't leave with that morning.

He span me a line about how he got into an argument with somebody in the street and they hit him so he fought back and then took their wallet.

The truth of the matter which later came out was that he'd stolen £200 from his grandmothers house and punched himself in his own face so it tallied with his cover story.

The point of me mentioning this is that if somebody is prepared to "own up" to something abhorrent like mugging people or visiting prostitutes, you can bet your bottom dollar there's more to it.

I'm not saying he's slashed his own face but he won't be telling you the full truth.

He could have even been violent to the prostitute and then got his arse handed to him by her "security"

As others have already noted, this story doesn't make sense. Who carries around £800, especially someone who's unemployed? And why get beaten up by 3 men?

Did he try and steal the prostitutes money?
or was it only £80?
I don't think that you have the full story but difinately right to get rid.

He's lost £800 (a nice wad of cash to be carrying, given that he's unemployed) and his nice generous girlfriend and rent-free bed and board.

You meanwhile have lost a cocklodger. I sympathise if you're feeling a bit sad about it, but you know you're better off without a man who visits prostitutes while living with/off you. Better luck next time. xx

This cocklodger moved in with you, without your permission and didn't pay any rent. You did the right thing, who cares if he has to sleep on the streets (can he go back to where he lived before). Nothing to do with you.

@RandomLondoner

Presumably what he owed for previous visits, and presumably not all of what he owed, hence getting duffed up by the pimp.

I can't speak from experience, but I really don't think sex workers allow punters to run up a tab. Also, £800 is several times to much to pay for one ordinary encounter. On the other hand, who in their right mind would carry that sort of cash on them while engaging in transactions in shady circumstances.

As several people have said, the facts don't really add up.

Pimps do. Extortion is lucrative.

It's the same way county lines works - "free" or "pay later, we're friends" drugs or sex to hook the victim in and then a sudden debt, but with county lines the debt is paid by drug running and here it's a cash payment.

🚬

Why did have £800 on him. Someone's telling porkies.

Get yourself an STD test and some new friends.

I've skimmed read the replies but I will read them properly when I get time. Too many to reply to individually but thanks everyone for ur messages of support, I do feel a little better now seeing most others here would've done the same xx

To clarify the confusion apparently he was robbed of £200 in cash, they stole his bank card and phone as well. Purchases worth £600 were made on the card before he went and cancelled it.

The money he had in his account was what he borrowed from me and friends of his. I refused to let him use my phone to make the call to the Police, told him to pack his bags and leave.