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AIBU?

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Original poster

BF beaten and robbed of £800 after visiting prostitute but I kicked him out

159 replies

DayLondon · 09/02/2022 13:02

Was I wrong to react like this? I had a massive row with my best friend of many years who said it was self-centred and narcissistic of me to behave in the way I did to my now safe to say ex-BF.

Okay the background is me and BF met on Tinder around 3 years ago but during the second lockdown he effectively moved in with me. He was on furlough and then jobless and living rent free but it wasn’t an issue for me at the time. Sometimes he used to go off in the afternoon and return a few hours later and always used to say he was going to meet a friend ‘here and there’ and being a trusting person I didn’t think much of it.

A few afternoons ago he went off again to meet ‘with a friend’ in Canning Town but returned with face slashed and clothes bloodied looking utterly dazed. I was so upset and my immediate thought was he got into a fight but after saying he needed to call the Police he confessed that he had gone to visit a prostitute and ended up being attacked by 2 men and possibly a third who bolted and ran off as soon as the prostitute opened the door.

I told him he had no sympathy from me and to pack his bags and find a friend to stay with and sort it out there. He seemed very upset at this and wasn’t expecting my reaction and said he wanted to ‘come clean with me.’

As a result of all this mess none of my own making I’ve now potentially lost my friend as well though she refused to take my side over this so not sure how good a friend she really was.

Was I wrong to react in the way I did and should I have been more sympathetic to someone who had just been badly robbed and disfigured, regardless of what the circumstances were?

OP posts:
andysgirl22 · 09/02/2022 14:00

@PleasantBirthday that was my first thought aswell what the hell was op meant to do exactly?!?!?! So sorry your going through this op but i feel you are well rid of these people who seem intent on bringing trouble to your door to be honest. You do not need to let people sponge off you etc. I think you sound lovely and wanting to help people but i just wanted to say there is nothing wrong with ensuring you maintain appropriate boundaries etc. Plus your friend was not your friend and your bf was not your bf if that makes sense xx

RedToothBrush · 09/02/2022 14:00

345 votes and 100% YANBU.

Thats a rarity.

I think that says everything you need to know. You are better off without either of them.

billy1966 · 09/02/2022 14:01

@T00Ts

Jesus Christ. The revolting ex-boyfriend can go and stay with the mental ex-friend, then. Their ankle-height bar for human decency make them a perfect match.

Run. Make better friends.

This.

Well done.

isobeli · 09/02/2022 14:01

Honestly so happy reading he got beat up. Because if he didn't there's a chance you would be none the wiser to what he is up to!

Universe was working for you even if it seems it wasn't!

Fuck the "friend" and find better people to associate with. Well done for kicking him out!

Enjoy a glass of whatever makes you happy tonight!

Xenia · 09/02/2022 14:01

Coming clean was his trying to say he was being so kind to let you know! Not..... you are well rid of him. Change the locks.

longwayoff · 09/02/2022 14:01

You need to choose better friends and lovers. However the whole story sounds dodgy and I'm surprised you've even bothered to consider whether YABU. If true, well rid of the pair of them.

RedToothBrush · 09/02/2022 14:04

Also, is he dealing? I mean you don't just randomly have £800 lying around if you are unemployed.

The fact he's shacked up with you for free, does make me wonder if he was trying to cuckoo too.

TakeMe2Insanity · 09/02/2022 14:05

Better off without both of them. Don’t give either if them another thought. Certainly view today as your lucky day!

starskey80 · 09/02/2022 14:05

Great point up above about him possibly owing the money and not having it all so got beat up. I'd put money on this being the truth.

Your friend, wow, no words for her..... has she generally such low standards ?

I hope you get the all clear with the std's OP, horrible thing for him to put you through.

MaChienEstUnDick · 09/02/2022 14:06

He didn't come clean though, did he?

Coming clean is turning round before you actually make a commitment to a relationship with someone and saying 'by the way, I like to visit sex workers once a month, it's a little habit I have that I've no idea of stopping when we become partners.'

What happened today is he was found out and didn't have enough time/nous to make up a better story. You are so well rid. As for what's going on with your friend... I dunno, I suppose once we're all gaslit into believing sex work is work, we'll all think that being done over while visiting a prostitute is the same thing as being caught up in a mugging in the corner shop. Hopefully I'll have departed this planet by then though.

MaChienEstUnDick · 09/02/2022 14:06

Also you need an urgent STI check I'm afraid.

RedToothBrush · 09/02/2022 14:07

Cuckooing is a practice where people take over a person's home and use the property to facilitate exploitation. It takes the name from cuckoos who take over the nests of other birds.

Set yourself up in a new area. Build up a client base. Don't pay rent.

Why did he get beaten up by 3 blokes for £800 going to a prostitute?.

Lots of things dont add up here.

andysgirl22 · 09/02/2022 14:08

I've just thought aswell he had 800 that he was going to spend on prostitutes but he's been living with you rent free ?!?!?! Am i being nasty or is that really suggesting he's a cocklodger ?! Letting you pay for his essentials and keeping money for whatever.....

ChargingBuck · 09/02/2022 14:09

@Goooglebox

I would have driven him to a and e.
Care to explain why?

I would be more concerned about the sex worker he visited, & how many beatings she is likely to have taken from punters/pimps/traffickers.

ancientgran · 09/02/2022 14:09

I don't think the OP needs to worry about if he really got robbed of £800 or £8 or if he was dealing. The thing she needs to worry about is the man she was sharing her life with is saying he has been having sex with prostitutes. Get checked out and forget him, you are well rid.

butterpuffed · 09/02/2022 14:10

Why did he have £800 cash on him and how would his attackers know that ? There's something else going on and it probably involves your friend because her attitude is weird.

Triffid1 · 09/02/2022 14:11

The only way in which you would have been unreasonable is if he was badly hurt and needed a lift to the hospital and you refused - because really, most of us would to that for pretty much anyway.

What a wanker.

Your friend's priorities are seriously seriously skewed.

Sprucewillis · 09/02/2022 14:13

So your friends advice wasn't to get an STI test and throw him out? He was obviously using you. Get rid of 'friend' too. Don't give it a second thought and don't feel guilty about any of it.

crazyjinglist · 09/02/2022 14:14

What they all said.
446 votes so far, OP, and not a single YABU. 446 people who all recongnise the obvious fact that your boyfriend is a scumbag and your 'friend' is no real friend to you. Time to ask yourself why you even needed to ask if you were being unreasonable!

RedToothBrush · 09/02/2022 14:15

@ancientgran

I don't think the OP needs to worry about if he really got robbed of £800 or £8 or if he was dealing. The thing she needs to worry about is the man she was sharing her life with is saying he has been having sex with prostitutes. Get checked out and forget him, you are well rid.
I disagree tbh.

The last thing you want is dodgy fuckers turning up on your doorstep looking for him for some reason.

She's right to be well rid and to get tested for stis but i also think there's other thinvs here she should be concerned about.

Her taking in someone in the circumstances she has - however well meaning - unfortunately puts her at potential risk of having that good meaning nature exploited as sad as it is to spell out.

Sprucewillis · 09/02/2022 14:15

There's obvs more to this story too. Wonder why he got beaten -
I just think he's probably even more dodgy than you already know. You are well rid of him.

celiamary · 09/02/2022 14:16

I echo the remark about choosing your friends better. I mean this kindly but perhaps you need to consider lifestyle or the way you lead your life.
Well rid of both I think.

Wordleone · 09/02/2022 14:16

I wouldn't have called an ambulance or administered first aid. He got what he deserved. He only came clean because he had to. He repaid your hospitality by visiting very dodgy prostitutes. Your friend must be a complete doormat. Exactly what sort of tastes did he have that he had to take £800 with him?

Sedai · 09/02/2022 14:18

You are better off without that bag of shite of a BF and unsupportive friend!

FrankieBoyleSezLoveOneAnother · 09/02/2022 14:20

I too suspect drugs are involved here. The amount of money involved and the injuries inflicted on the guy suggest a story that goes beyond sex workers. I very much doubt that he's told you the (whole) truth and youll do well to have nothing further to do with this guy, OP.