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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BF beaten and robbed of £800 after visiting prostitute but I kicked him out

159 replies

DayLondon · 09/02/2022 13:02

Was I wrong to react like this? I had a massive row with my best friend of many years who said it was self-centred and narcissistic of me to behave in the way I did to my now safe to say ex-BF.

Okay the background is me and BF met on Tinder around 3 years ago but during the second lockdown he effectively moved in with me. He was on furlough and then jobless and living rent free but it wasn’t an issue for me at the time. Sometimes he used to go off in the afternoon and return a few hours later and always used to say he was going to meet a friend ‘here and there’ and being a trusting person I didn’t think much of it.

A few afternoons ago he went off again to meet ‘with a friend’ in Canning Town but returned with face slashed and clothes bloodied looking utterly dazed. I was so upset and my immediate thought was he got into a fight but after saying he needed to call the Police he confessed that he had gone to visit a prostitute and ended up being attacked by 2 men and possibly a third who bolted and ran off as soon as the prostitute opened the door.

I told him he had no sympathy from me and to pack his bags and find a friend to stay with and sort it out there. He seemed very upset at this and wasn’t expecting my reaction and said he wanted to ‘come clean with me.’

As a result of all this mess none of my own making I’ve now potentially lost my friend as well though she refused to take my side over this so not sure how good a friend she really was.

Was I wrong to react in the way I did and should I have been more sympathetic to someone who had just been badly robbed and disfigured, regardless of what the circumstances were?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 09/02/2022 13:39

Wtf

He's lucky you didn't add to his injuries

This is a good story to tell friends - will winnow out the chaff cunts

CaptainSmartarse · 09/02/2022 13:39

Both of them are the lowest of low. Keep them out of your life. And get a STD check.

LadyMaid · 09/02/2022 13:39

You are not being unreasonable.
You should also get tested for any potential STI.

Goooglebox · 09/02/2022 13:39

I would have driven him to a and e.

Goooglebox · 09/02/2022 13:40

He had 800 on him while not contributing to your household???

Planetzero · 09/02/2022 13:40

He wasn’t expecting your reaction? Did he want tea and sympathy or something?

The votes are 100% with you btw.

Zilla1 · 09/02/2022 13:41

Self-centred and narcissistic - Absolutely not but it might be interesting if your friend would encourage this behaviour from their DP if/when they have one. Good for you for having boundaries and reasonable expectations. Good luck for your next relationship.

DoubleTweenQueen · 09/02/2022 13:44

Who carries £800 quid around on them?

Zilla1 · 09/02/2022 13:45

£800 spent and presumably more for the afternoons previously while you subsidised him. What would a sympathetic reaction have been - it's getting like someone can't visit a sex worker without being mugged? It's getting like a chap not contributing to the household can't spend his money on sex workers, not inform his DP, put her health and mental well-being at risk without jeopardising his welcome home? Nope, am struggling to think of what the sympathetic response should have been.

Pyri · 09/02/2022 13:46

No one would be ok with this

TragicMuse · 09/02/2022 13:51

I'm a suspicious bitch so was he really visiting a prostitute or is he actually shagging your friend? She's so quick
to leap to the defence of someone who has put your sexual and mental health at risk, has abused your generosity, and lied to you.

What makes her loyal to him instead of you?

Sounds to me like she's got skin in the game.

I wouldn't have driven him anywhere or phoned anyone for him. His mess he can sort it out without mooching off you and your phone bill, car fuel etc.

FOJN · 09/02/2022 13:52

He seemed very upset at this and wasn’t expecting my reaction and said he wanted to ‘come clean with me.’

He seriously thought you would be sympathetic because he told how it happened. Some men really do seem to believe its easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. Honestly this is a level of stupidity and disrespect I could not endure.

A friend would put you before your arsehole of a boyfriend so you haven't lost a friend.

MorningStarling · 09/02/2022 13:52

I like to think I'd be more understanding and at least ensure they were OK before kicking them out. In reality I'd probably do the same though.

WhoAre · 09/02/2022 13:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

LostMyLastHatfulOfWords · 09/02/2022 13:52

Apart from 'sponging' from you (and using his saved money to pay for crime), he has betrayed your trust and risked your health. (Please get std checked OP)

How on earth did your friend defend him ...and find you to be in the wrong?

Herja · 09/02/2022 13:54

My kindliness would have extended to allowing him to wash the blood off while he packed his crap and no further.

Your friend is a fool and, frankly, no friend to you. Better off without either of them.

He had no cash to contribute to bills, food or life, but had money for prostitutes? He is the ultimate cocklodger and deserves no empathy or sympathy (from you. He can get that from his mates,if he hasn't sponged them all away...). Fuck him and fuck your friend too!

SpiderinaWingMirror · 09/02/2022 13:54

Why has your friend got that opinion? That's the question

RocketAndAFuckingMelon · 09/02/2022 13:55

@TheOldTeaBag

You are definitely not being unreasonable. Sorry to detract but why was he carrying £800 on him? That seems a lot of money for a prostitute
Presumably what he owed for previous visits, and presumably not all of what he owed, hence getting duffed up by the pimp.
Blossomtoes · 09/02/2022 13:56

Sounds to me like she's got skin in the game.

Me too. No woman with any self respect would tolerate that. You’re well rid of both of them.

TottersBlankly · 09/02/2022 13:57

What evidence do you have that this jobless man was robbed of £800?

blyn72 · 09/02/2022 13:57

Goodness me, that is awful and you are certainly not being unreasonable. Why on earth did he visit a prostitute and where did he get the money to pay her and which was stolen?

You are well rid and your friend isn't much cop, frankly.

ancientgran · 09/02/2022 13:57

OP you did the right thing, forget the "friend" as she sounds crazy. Don't want to alarm you but are you going to a GUM clinic to get checked out? I think it would be wise. Not all prostitutes will be infected with anything but some will be and you don't want to risk anything.

Good luck for a better future.

knittingaddict · 09/02/2022 13:58

@sadpapercourtesan

I would have called the police and an ambulance, I think. The relationship would have been over of course, and I would want nothing to do with him after that - but I would have got him help for his injuries/shock first.
I think not. It's not the ops job to do that and he can do those things himself if he so wishes. Don't think he will though.
knittingaddict · 09/02/2022 13:59

@TottersBlankly

What evidence do you have that this jobless man was robbed of £800?
Hmm, good point. Hmm
astoundedgoat · 09/02/2022 13:59

Jesus Christ. Your friend is as bad as he is. Agree with the poster above - I wonder what's going on between them. I hope you HAVE lost her as a "friend". She's awful.

I'm agog at the idea that he was surprised you'd throw him out after he "came clean". No wonder you're doubting your own sanity, between the two of them.

Also, am I massively naive or... £800????