Is this cheeky fuckery re wedding gift

[Checkered1]

I know I am unreasonable re the story as it’s my fault, but wondering if it’s CF behaviour! Lighthearted.

NC in case my dear friend is on here! If you are L, hello!!

Around 8 years ago, a friend and I went to one of those 90s band reunion concerts. The ticket was around £120 each and for some reason I never paid her back. I assume I completely forgot but I never paid her. I’m honestly not one to never pay back, so I really can’t remember what happened. She also never mentioned it herself as if she did, I would have paid.

So 8 years pass and I forget about it and she never mentions it.

I got married two weeks ago. Her wedding card included a note that her wedding gift is those concert tickets that I never paid her for. I checked my bank account (lucky in that the latest I can go back online is 2014!) and indeed I can’t see that I transferred her anything. I honestly cannot remember why I never paid her, it’s unlike me, but looks like I never did.

I text her to apologise for never paying her back, so there’s no issue between us at all, in fact I was more embarrassed that there was this debt hanging over us all this time.

But I’m just wondering if the way she approached it is in the realms of cheeky fuckery, or if it’s actually clever!

She shouldn't have done this on your wedding day. Yes you forgot to pay her back the £120 but why didn't she put on her big girl boots 8 years ago and ask you for the money?

I think doing this on your wedding day is childish and petty and not something a good friend would do.

Hope you had a lovely wedding day btw

@NeverChange

I think this thread is insane. You forgot to pay a friend back and she slowly simmers for 8 years before passively aggressively calling you out on it and using you wedding, of all events, to do so.

She had had numerous opportunities to raise this, especially when you paid for holiday etc. I don't accept that it was too awkward to rise it but it isn't awkward to do so in a wedding card.

She's quids in right now, reducing the wedding gift and you paying her back.

It's pretty, immature, vindictive and down right batvshit crazy. She has some real issues and I would be very wary of paying anything other than your own portion of the day of anything you do together again. It would seriously alter my opinion of her if she was my friend.

I completely agree with this!

This is odd, why feel awkward all these years but ok to put in a wedding card?!
Also, it sounds to me like you paid for dinner in return for her paying for tickets, hence why you probably didn’t pay.
It’s like she forgot about the dinner, remembered about it recently so put it in the wedding card! Strange move though!

You're the CF

It sounds properly batshit crazy to me. There is no logical reason to do this. If it was £1200 then maybe! Not for £120.

OP forget it, forget her and just never think of it again. Every time you are tempted to then distract yourself.

Feel sorry for her. Must be some issues going on there.

It's a shame she's had to wait so long to bring it up but you could say it's both cheeky and clever! Hopefully it won't be awkward between you both now.

I'd be really hurt op, and I think if the amounts had been different in your original post say £30 then responses would have been very different. £120 isn't an unusual amount for you but it is for lots of posters and it's changing their view.

How old is she ? Is it early onset dementia?

Or too much smoking dope has made her paranoid.

We all forget things from time to time. She’s just a bitch. Found a great way to get back at you. If she’s got the balls to put that in your wedding card then she’s had the guts to say something over the last 8 years. I’m afraid you’ve just found out who your friends are/aren’t .
Leave things as they are now. Let it go.
Ps. I’m going to text everyone I know now to ask if I owe them anything

@litlealligator

It's super rude if she's never actually asked you for the money.

She shouldn't have to ask, the debtor should pay

YANBU

Friend says she didn't bring it up as she didn't want to seem petty, yet said friend chose to remind you on your wedding day?!?

She must have had some idea how that would make you feel.

Most people would be mortified, embarrassed, upset and confused to receive a 'card' like this on their wedding day.

Very thoughtless.

I also would have repaid the money and would refuse to accept any attempt at a gift from her if she tries. I cannot imagine doing this to someone on their wedding day!

You are the CF not her. Well done her. How can you 'forget' £120?

@User1isnotavailable

You are the CF not her. Well done her. How can you 'forget' £120?

Easily, if you’re financially comfortable and you and your friends regularly spend that much on dinner and drinks - as the OP has repeatedly explained is the case in their circle

I think the PP who said the responses would have been different if the amount in the OP was lower, more like the amount the average person would spend on dinner, was spot on. So many posters seem totally unable to grasp that £120 isn’t as much to everyone as it is to them. The exact amount isn’t that relevant-it’s the cost of a dinner between friends, whatever that happens to be in your circle!

Not CF. More passive aggressive.

Settle any more forgotten debts before you have a child I say lol , how brave but also bizzar , she is brave enough to regift it as a wedding gift but not ask you for the money for 8 years doesn’t make sense to me , was it your most expensive gift am dying to know 😂😂

"I chose to get you the very expensive china from your wedding list. You just need to pay for it when you pick it up"

i dont like your language. thats enough NOT to give a wedding gift, and some people just never forget!

You should have paid it but she should have chosen a better time to mention it. Obviously your post wasn’t light hearted but nice trying covering up your irritation 😅👌🏻🤷🏼‍♀️

Ok I am the type of person to always pay back & always ask for the money owed to me, but I totally agree with you on this. If she was SO bothered by the fact that you owed her money, why did she not mention it before?! It was 8 years ago!! Her gift to you on your wedding day was basically a passive aggressive note? lol..

Also it's normal in many friendship groups for one person to pay for one thing, and one person to pay for the next so I can see how you could forget.

Its extremely rude of her to have done this. In a wedding card!! Just plain awful manners as well as spiteful. She's had 8 years to bring it up, and to choose to do it linked to your wedding day is not what a real friend would do.

It's too much, give her a cheque for £60 and say sorry

@Anabella23

i dont like your language. thats enough NOT to give a wedding gift, and some people just never forget!

New to Mumsnet @Anabella23?

Cheeky Fucker/CF is a standard expression on here. It has a very precise meaning.

I think she’s being rude. 8 whole years and all of a sudden she mentions it. She’s been sitting on this for all that time. Why not mention it before now?

I think it's an unbelievably vulgar way to behave. She should have reminded you after a month or so, or let it drop altogether.

i dont like your language. thats enough NOT to give a wedding gift, and some people just never forget!

I'm assuming it's the OP's use of correct punctuation you dislike?