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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this cheeky fuckery re wedding gift

545 replies

Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 09:55

I know I am unreasonable re the story as it’s my fault, but wondering if it’s CF behaviour! Lighthearted.

NC in case my dear friend is on here! If you are L, hello!!

Around 8 years ago, a friend and I went to one of those 90s band reunion concerts. The ticket was around £120 each and for some reason I never paid her back. I assume I completely forgot but I never paid her. I’m honestly not one to never pay back, so I really can’t remember what happened. She also never mentioned it herself as if she did, I would have paid.

So 8 years pass and I forget about it and she never mentions it.

I got married two weeks ago. Her wedding card included a note that her wedding gift is those concert tickets that I never paid her for. I checked my bank account (lucky in that the latest I can go back online is 2014!) and indeed I can’t see that I transferred her anything. I honestly cannot remember why I never paid her, it’s unlike me, but looks like I never did.

I text her to apologise for never paying her back, so there’s no issue between us at all, in fact I was more embarrassed that there was this debt hanging over us all this time.

But I’m just wondering if the way she approached it is in the realms of cheeky fuckery, or if it’s actually clever!

OP posts:
Pinklemonade1 · 10/02/2022 17:44

Wow, I think that's horrible.. to think she's been simmering all this time. She should have just given you a nudge..and then not to give you a gift. I think she's a twat.

Lifetheuniverseandeverything · 10/02/2022 17:53

If you’re still on good terms then it’s brilliant. Well done your friend!

labazslovesliving · 10/02/2022 18:02

cant see what it has to do with your husband it was to do with your friend and you so if she was going to do this, surely should be for something to do with you like a birthday? seems a long time to harbour a grudge and you to keep quiet

Mitzimccormack · 10/02/2022 18:05

I think that it was a really unpleasant and passive aggressive way of dealing with what she may feel was an unresolved issue. I have friends who can be a bit forgetful when it comes to repaying this type of debt, but I would just do what other posters have suggested and deduct it from the next joint bill, or make a lighthearted comment about it. The only reason I can think of that she would not have said anything is if you are a "difficult" friend, and tbh you don't come over that way in your posts. I personally would struggle to think of her in the same light in the future. A wedding gift is no place to bring up old grudges!!!!

cherrysthename · 10/02/2022 18:13

Could this be a rare occasion where two people are united in their cheeky fuckery? One unwittingly through somehow forgetting a not insubstantial amount of money, the other through being unable to pass up on the perfect opportunity for a bit of a laugh at the other's expense.
What you were both thinking during the 8 years time period of non-payment I don't know, but now the subject has reared it's head, you seem to have the kind of friendship where you can give each other a bit of clip round the ear, laugh and get on with it over drinks. Paid for separately Grin

wetwiped · 10/02/2022 18:17

If a close friend of mine did this, I would be really perplexed and quite sad they didn't feel they could have reminded me at the time. I don't think it's a very friendly way of going about reclaiming money owed.

3plusonekids · 10/02/2022 18:20

She’s sat on this for years, likely mentioning it throughout that time. I don’t like her approach, she should have just been upfront. Bit mean and embarrassing for you I think.

Mrslje04 · 10/02/2022 18:30

I don’t think you are, you forgot she should of had balls to remind you about it. How bitter for over 8 years. Pay her back and be happy. X

Bleachmycloths · 10/02/2022 18:46

Oh, come on! £120 is a LOT not to pay back. Your friend is clearly still annoyed and I don’t blame her. How you can think that SHE is the CF and not you is beyond me.

Frazzledstar1 · 10/02/2022 18:48

I think it’s odd that she would only just bring it up now and in your wedding card - if it were me I’d have nudged my friend waaaaay before the 8 year mark and said “hey when am I getting my £££?”

Foijkl · 10/02/2022 18:50

Oh, come on! £120 is a LOT not to pay back.
It’s all relative, isn’t it? The OP has said that £120 isn’t a lot to either of them so that isn’t the problem. Say it was £2. I would’ve just thought my friend was making a joke after all those years.

Awrite · 10/02/2022 18:51

Your 'crime' is that you forgot something.

Her crime is that she wrote a shitty note to you on your wedding day, designed to make you embarrassed and feel bad.

She's awful.

She felt it too awkward to bring up when paying for holidays or birthdays over the years but not your wedding day? Nah, not buying it.

The acid test. You feel crap, don't you? She can't have thought you'd take it any other way.

I suspect the responses from those posters on her side are getting caught up on £120 being a lot of money.

unname · 10/02/2022 18:51

It’s ridiculous for her to say she was uncomfortable or embarrassed to broach it and then do so in such an outrageous way.

I’m also skeptical that she’s even remembering things properly. Surely she would have used it to offset the next trip.

DuesToTheDirt · 10/02/2022 18:55

So, here's what I think. (I'm assuming you had genuinely forgotten to pay for this).

Firstly, she was petty and unpleasant to bring it up for your wedding. She had obviously been stewing over it for 8 bloody years, she could have just asked for it.

Secondly, the more I read your updates OP - I may have paid for dinner, another friend treated me to a different dinner, my friends take turns paying for dinners, sometimes it's cards, sometimes cash - the more I think it's way too complicated and prone to resentment. Much better to split anything more than a coffee at the time and avoid all this angst.

Hellsbells35 · 10/02/2022 18:55

It’s a horrible thing to do, as it’s only going to make you feel bad. Much better to bring it up beforehand IF it’s an issue. And if it’s not, just ignore it and move on

WhackusBonkus · 10/02/2022 19:00

@takealettermsjones

That's hilarious! She was obviously seething for years 😂

If you're really good friends I think it's a bit weird not to just say "oi Checkered, can I have that money back?", and now she's made it into something you feel guilty about just after your wedding... But I honestly think it's funny.

Ring her up, say "touche" and apologise for forgetting, and go out for a margarita Grin

Well yeah.. this.. and pay it back? In instalments if necessary.
Casheeeew · 10/02/2022 19:02

@Horseradish01

I don’t think it’s CFery but I do think it’s passive aggressive and petty. Has she been seething for 8 years rather than just ask for the money? Then chooses your wedding day to make a point Hmm
Agreed
Watchamocauli · 10/02/2022 19:03

How is her finances now?
Maybe she never intended to ask for the money. But at your wedding she wasn’t able to manage the gift and thought of the tickets?

Darbs76 · 10/02/2022 19:05

Not something I’d do personally, it’s a bold move but it’s clearly been bothering her for years. It would have been far better for her to have just texted you and said that listen this is a bit embarrassing but you never paid me for those tickets. Then she could have bought you a wedding gift. So her approach is really not nice

Wordlemakesmegrumpy · 10/02/2022 19:07

I think some recent posters might not have noticed that it’s entirely possible (I think probable tbh) that the OP actually did pay her in mind but she can’t remember.

And if not then the OP is owed half of the drink the crazy woman remembers having at the theater.

Retisestress · 10/02/2022 19:08

@TrufflesAndToast

And apparently plenty of the same kind of vindictive bitches on this thread sadly.
Agree …so depressing,really makes me wonder about human beings…I despair!
Wordlemakesmegrumpy · 10/02/2022 19:08

Pay for it in kind !

unfeelingwife · 10/02/2022 19:09

She's a bitch. It's pathetic to do that on someone's wedding day especially.

Cornettoninja · 10/02/2022 19:09

Well yeah.. this.. and pay it back? In instalments if necessary

The OP has already and got this as a response:

She said she’s disappointed that I felt the need to transfer the money as she hoped it was the end of the matter

The friend is determined to make it awkward imho.

Anoisagusaris · 10/02/2022 19:12

She’s a bitch. You should have told her that the £200 you have her for her wedding included the money for the tickets.