AIBU to feel overwhelmed by non-binary, cancel culture, and woke society?

[FordSiesta]

I've got to the stage where I feel quite apprehensive about the future. It just feels like there will be no 'men' or 'women' or 'boys' and 'girls' and everyone will need to conform to various gender identities and have to remember all the different ways people identify so as not to accidently offend anyone. I'm supportive of transgender people and understand people changing from male to female or vice versa but now there's all this non-binary stuff it's getting confusing.

All these things going on in this 'woke society' and if you aren't seen as wanting to conform with all this new stuff then the 'cancel culture' comes at you.

I just feel like I would be happy if there wasn't so much pressure placed on people to get pronouns correct if for millions of years we've used he/him and she/her and now we need to say they/them when we were taught in school they/them was plural.

I don't have kids yet but I do wonder if I did what the world would be like for them growing up.

AIBU for wanting to just continue with two genders?

" I will call my son by his cat name

Yes, that's your choice. I'm sure you can understand why other people might feel uncomfortable with it."

The strange thing is that if I call my son, 'Black Paw' or 'Feral', people would be less uncomfortable than if I called him 'Emma' or 'Sue'.

@badspella

" I will call my son by his cat name

Yes, that's your choice. I'm sure you can understand why other people might feel uncomfortable with it."

The strange thing is that if I call my son, 'Black Paw' or 'Feral', people would be less uncomfortable than if I called him 'Emma' or 'Sue'.

Why on earth would you think that?

The strange thing is that if I call my son, 'Black Paw' or 'Feral', people would be less uncomfortable than if I called him 'Emma' or 'Sue'.

Not strange at all if you think about it. If there was a possibility of the name leading to him demanding in later life to live on a diet of pet food and dead mice, or of him having surgery and drugs to have claws instead of opposable thumbs and his IQ replaced by hunting instinct, then people might worry a lot more.

I am perfectly happy to call someone by their cat name. Cool.

So long as I'm not asked to pretend that their desire to be a cat overrides their biological reality of not being a cat.

Same applies to calling men Sue.

"Why on earth would you think that?"

That is a good question. I do not have any specific answer. It could be because I come from an area where 'a boy named Sue' would stand out, or may be it is because he is about six feet tall, has a beard and does not really look like an 'Emma'.

However, although the comments above reflect my assumptions and prejudice, it would be interesting to know if people feel more comfortable referring to someone by a 'female' name if they look more like a 'female' (vice versa for males).

I think I would actually be a lot more accepting of someone having a cat identity than having a transgender identity.

I don't think a male person can be a woman any more or any less than a male person can be a cat.

But since cats don't have toilets, prisons or sporting categories, there isn't really any harm in pretending that a man is a cat.

Yes, with my son, the extent to which he identifies with 'the cat' is worrying. At the moment, it is all wonderfully eccentric and very individual. However, there have been times when his behaviour has been questionable.

He has sampled cat food, but more as an experiment and to make sure it is edible for the cats. He has a tendency to refer to objects by their cat equivalent (toilet= litter box; bed = cat basket and so on) and he insists cats communicate with him telepathically. However, this is straying off the topic of the thread. Needless to say, I do feel he would be vulnerable to suggestions that it is OK to undergo surgery to be closer to your chosen identity.

He does indeed sound very vulnerable to these kind of harmful interventions and social contagion.

Yes, I suppose there is no real harm to others in pretending that a man is a cat, but the man himself may be vulnerable and need some extra support.

I don't want to have to pretend people are cats, and face sanctions for failing to be convincing enough.

Cats are highly unlikely to demand that you do any such thing though. For fairly obvious reasons.

I don't believe any of it should be indulged in the workplace other than in terms of freedom of expression being permitted. People who want to "change gender" or identify as cats or whatever should be obliged to accept that not everyone agrees with their beliefs.

Yes, I agree with that. I find the forced speech aspect of this very Orwellian.

@badspella

Yes, with my son, the extent to which he identifies with 'the cat' is worrying. At the moment, it is all wonderfully eccentric and very individual. However, there have been times when his behaviour has been questionable.

He has sampled cat food, but more as an experiment and to make sure it is edible for the cats. He has a tendency to refer to objects by their cat equivalent (toilet= litter box; bed = cat basket and so on) and he insists cats communicate with him telepathically. However, this is straying off the topic of the thread. Needless to say, I do feel he would be vulnerable to suggestions that it is OK to undergo surgery to be closer to your chosen identity.

Good god

This person needs serious, extensive and urgent professional support

Calling him by his cat name
Allowing this to happen re the food / litter etc

You are failing him as a parent
Catastrophically failing him

Your one abs only focus should be securing immediate help for someone that sounds like they are heading in one direction only - to be sectioned

wonderfully eccentric

Replace with

paralysingly worrying

Ah read your history

I’m sorry - ignore me

Sadly this is encourage at my child's school. It's being pushed and trendy so many of them are deciding to be non binary or picking another gender. Confusing. No wonder so many mental health issues and anxieties in children - this just adds to the confusion.

(it/that/green tractor)

@babyjellyfish

I think I would actually be a lot more accepting of someone having a cat identity than having a transgender identity.

I don't think a male person can be a woman any more or any less than a male person can be a cat.

But since cats don't have toilets, prisons or sporting categories, there isn't really any harm in pretending that a man is a cat.

Good points.

Toanewstart 23

No problem. My son has a serious mental illness, lived in residential care for three years and now lives in supported housing. Identifying (moderately) as a cat is the least of his problems. However, he is one of what must be a number of vulnerable people for whom personal choice and identity has to be balanced with best interests. Sometimes, I feel arguments about identity are so strong that people like my son are at risk.

@PatterPaws

"explain what gender identity is and how it exists without using sex based stereotypes"* ** I like to hear and answer to this too.*

Yes please. I would genuinely like to know this as well. The people I know who are transitioning are very much into clothing, hair, their new names and pronouns. But I still don't get it.

Nope! I don’t get it either. Thing is, I never encountered this all through school,college & working life, it just seems to have happened, but no idea when it began

Re being sectioned - he was, but not for being a cat :)

@badspella

Toanewstart 23

No problem. My son has a serious mental illness, lived in residential care for three years and now lives in supported housing. Identifying (moderately) as a cat is the least of his problems. However, he is one of what must be a number of vulnerable people for whom personal choice and identity has to be balanced with best interests. Sometimes, I feel arguments about identity are so strong that people like my son are at risk.

Is he deemed to have capacity to consent to medical treatment?

@FOJN

YABU but I'm sick of anti-trans threads like this.

It's unfortunate that you see concern for women's rights and childrens safety as anti-trans.

Women's single sex spaces are important for our participation in public life, receiving health care and to receive support recovering from trauma caused by males.

We are currently running a live experiment on children. There is an increasing body of evidence about the negative health outcomes from administering puberty blockers and cross sex hormones to children. The experiment has not been running long enough for us to have long term data. Puberty blockers are not a pause button, scientists have no idea if there is a window in which puberty must take place or it doesn't happen at all. Gathering evidence is difficult because nearly all children who are prescribed puberty blockers go on to receive cross sex hormones.

A watchful wait rather than puberty blockers approach results in about 85% of children outgrowing their dysphoria or managing it without surgery or hormones. Who in their right mind would prefer children to become lifelong medical patients if it's possible to avoid it? It has nothing to do with thinking being trans is wrong.

The growth market in trans surgery is with non binary people. Young females can now have gender affirmation surgery which involves removing their breasts and nipples. They may choose to take small doses of testosterone. Young males can have their testicles removed and the scrotum formed into a cavity (a fake vagina which is different to the penile inversion of full SRS) behind the penis or they may choose to have their penis and testicles removed to end up with a smooth profile like a desexed action figure.

Spot on.

The live experiment I feel will come up in years to come. Why did we treat our children this way. It's usual to feel confused as a teenager with the hormones flooding the body. The use of drugs and surgery so young seems so wrong.

Totally this "What I utterly reject is the notion that a man becomes a woman once he has put on a dress. That's what is so reactionary and misogynist."