Friend won't catch up on weekends...

[Amibeinghighmaintenance]

In a nutshell.

Have been good friends for about five years but not ever lived in the same town. I have just bought a property in the town and am up here for seven weeks getting some things sorted with it. Will move here in a while but am going to rent out in the short term while I get some other stuff sorted.

Friend has a 15 month baby, who has a history of not sleeping well. Works from home two days a week. Has a partner who works from home in a "normal office hours" job and does child care etc. My friend's mother visits every Saturday and helps with child care etc.

I was really looking forward to doing some fun things and catching up with my friend and her family. Her little girl is adorable and I get on fine with her partner.

My friend declared that her "boundary" is that she will not catch up with me on weekends. She wants to catch up either during office hours on the days that she is not working (for cold walks outside) or on a week night. She has come over to mine a couple of times but now will only catch up at her house.

Since I have been here she has had her cousin and their partner visit for a weekend and spent the weekend going out with them. Her and her partner caught up with couple friends one weekend. This weekend she sent me photos from Sunday of her out and about.

I am very happy to do child friendly activities, go places that would suit that etc. Not a problem. I have a high chair at my place. It's not that I want to go out clubbing. I have suggested a Sunday roast, brunch, a walk, a coffee...but nope. Her response is "I can't do weekends". I am literally two minutes away from her. While my job is flexible and I can pop out for a bit during the day I do have to make up that time.

I've just had a message from her saying that she is missing getting texts from me (I really could not be bothered to interact with her text messages this weekend) and do I want to have dinner one night this week. Which presumably will be at her house.

My AIBU is I really can't be bothered with her and the friendship? I get that she has a baby and is tired - but I'm pretty annoyed that she is out and about on weekends doing other stuff but I don't make the grade for weekends, yet she still wants to catch up when it suits her.

Am I overreacting??

[quote Amibeinghighmaintenance]@katepilar - ah yes - there is no way that anyone who doesn't have a child can possibly imagine what it means to have a lot of pressures and different priorities. And having a child means that whatever suits you is reasonable.

That means that the only way in which a person with a child can have a functional relationship with a single person if the single person entirely puts aside their own needs and everything is on the person with child's terms. You can't possibly think that it is a reasonable position. Well - obviously you do. But I struggle to see how that's reasonable.

And I think that's what I'm struggling with. I feel quite unreasonable to basically dump my friend because she's got a kid. But when that is the dynamic I'm presented with I really can't see how there is any other choice![/quote]
I think my post came accross in a different way than I intended.
I personally take it that a person with young children has a lot less control of how they arrange their time. I feel I have more room to bend my plans to fit in with her. In fact, due to other circumstances, I am also not very flexible and cant plan too much ahead. Which means we simply dont meet. I dont see it as dumping a friend. We simply keep in touch through texts and letters and see each other now once in a couple of years. Which happens with friends who moved several hours' journey away as well as others who live across the city.

Sorry OP if you feel overwhelmed by all what you've got on your plate. There is a lot of us who struggle.
I personally just choose not to blame my friends for it. If we cant find a suitable time for us to meet, we just dont, without questioning our friendships. Perhaps its a bit less usual than what I understand from reading on here.