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Original poster

DP has taken 9 month old DD outside without a coat on

250 replies

astroboy45 · 08/02/2022 10:21

Posting on MN because I'd just like to hear the opinions of others.

DP always gets DD in the morning so I'm able to sleep in until 8:30/9ish. I wasn't really feeling that tired so I came out of the bedroom to see no one was in the living room and had assumed they went for a walk or went to the shops or something. When DP gets back and pushes the pushchair in the living room, I see both of DDs coats on the table. I said 'what coat did you put on her' and he just looked at me like he'd been caught out and didn't say anything. As he's taking DD out of the buggy, I can see she's just in her sleepsuit. I said, 'you took the baby outside without a coat on??' Bearing in mind he has a nice warm coat on himself AND a hat. Yet DD has been taken outside with just a vest and a sleepsuit? He also picked one of the lighter covers to put on her which was barely on her. When he gave her to me, her hands, face and neck were freezing. I'm not exaggerating, she was honestly so cold.

My issue is, things like this isn't a one off. Last month I went to my mum's house and stayed over for one night just to have a break as I was exhausted. When I came back something told me to ask DP if he'd left DD alone at any point. One time I was at an appointment and called to check they were okay, DP said 'yeah she's fine she's sleeping, I'm just going downstairs to take the bin out.' I obviously told him he shouldn't leave her but that's just always stuck in my mind. Anyways! I asked him if he'd left her alone and he said he went across the road to Sainsbury's when she was asleep in the night. I said 'why the hell did you leave her? We didn't need formula, nappy or wipes so what was so important that you needed to get??' He told me he went to get Ben & Jerry's ice cream😕

I just don't understand. You always see people being told they're being precious and whatnot but this guy is so lax when it comes to DD that it's honestly a joke. It's like he's not a real person and doesn't consider ANY dangerous when it comes to DD. Taking her outside without a coat on in the middle of Winter, leaving her by herself to go and get ice cream. It just sounds like some sort of prank. I also had a post not long ago about him and his mum turning DDs rear facing car seat to front face when that's not even something that can be done???

I seriously need help. We're expecting again and I just don't know how to get him to understand that careless behaviour doesn't work when you have kids. He always used to be extra careful with DD and now it's as if he thinks she's 15 years old and doesn't need to be properly cared for or something. Am I the one being precious/hormonal or what?? Arghhh help me MN lol

OP posts:
Original poster
astroboy45 · 08/02/2022 11:06

@CanofCant

It's not sustainable for you to have to be alert all the time and not leave him in charge. You are going to be knackered when the new baby is here and you can't switch off for fear of him doing something stupid that could seriously hurt one of the kids or lead to a fatal accident. I don't want to sound dramatic but these things happen. If you can't trust him this will lead to resentment setting in.

It's really bloody awful OP, I have lots of sympathy for you but no answers really. At least your mum is aware and you have support in that way. I don't think his massive errors of judgement should be kept a secret to protect him iyswim?

Hopefully someone else will come along with practical advice for you to take.

@CanofCant thank you for this comment. I already have quite bad anxiety which I have CBT therapy for so it's just one more thing that I shouldn't have to be stressing over. I don't want to constantly worry about what he's doing with DD if I go to have a nap or something. If I would have had my usual lie in, I would have been non the wiser in knowing DD was outside without a coat.

I'm lucky to have support from my mum and other family members. My mum has even spoken to him quite a few times but even she's fed up now

OP posts:
PiesNotGuys · 08/02/2022 11:06

Coat thing sounds fine, I think - he put her in a pushchair and tucked her in with a blanket, lots of people would think that was OK, me included - none of my babies owned a coat at 9 months, not until they were walking around outside.

The bin thing also sounds OK as it’s a necessity really, technically could have been done in another way but examining the thinking behind it.

The Ben and Jerry’s is not a necessity.

I’d say he was being relatively careless and and popping to the shop thing is something I would talk to him about and tell him how uncomfortable that made me and ask him not to do that again. The other two things wouldn’t need more than a comment like “she was cold in that blanket, put the thicker one on next time” etc

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 08/02/2022 11:06

Seriously you people who aren't worried about the cost thing WTActualF. He put a coat and hat on himself because it was cold yet he couldn't put one on a baby????? Id kick his arse from here to Kingdom come!

ChickenStripper · 08/02/2022 11:06

@ChrissyPlummer

The coat thing, I couldn’t get worked up about as a one-off. It’s not that cold today. Same with taking the bin out; he’d be out for less than a minute.

The ice cream is not OK. He shouldn’t have left her. Have to ask (and hate to be THAT poster), but why are you having another baby with him if you’re concerned as to how he is with this one?

and also why when you are so tired all the time? You're very luck to have a DP who does this every morning. Does he not work?
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 08/02/2022 11:09

I think you'll find you have bad anxiety because you are married to a dick. You have no idea how long she was in the house alone. He could have been away for an hour for l you know. At 9 months my son was climbing out og his cot. She could have been seriously injured. This is just not acceptable.

Opus17 · 08/02/2022 11:09

Leaving the baby alone to go to Sainsbury's is unforgivable. Those four little boys died in that house fire when mum had gone to the shop. In less serious circumstances, I'd be unhappy at even just knowing my son had woken crying and no one was there to sooth him.

It's really not funny at all and I wouldn't trust him alone with his own children which is down right sad

Original poster
astroboy45 · 08/02/2022 11:09

@CanofCant

Do you think it's that he has no common sense or is it something more sinister as in he is trying to stop you from leaving him in charge or having any freedom of your own? I just can't believe that he fails to think of these things.
Haha no definitely not. It's honestly because he doesn't use his brain to think, that's it. Or if he does think about it, he honestly doesn't see the dangers in what he's doing and thinks he's make the right choice 100%
OP posts:
JustWonderingIfYou · 08/02/2022 11:09

The coat I'd be annoyed about but could get over on its own. Cold babies scream and make a fuss.

The supermarket and car seat thing i think is awful. And tbh think you are really foolish to behaving another baby with him. I wouldn't trust him with one nor his mother so looks like you are going to be stuck at home for the next few years!

Tdcp · 08/02/2022 11:10

This smacks of weaponised incompetence. He doesn't want you to leave him with the baby so he's doing things that are dangerous and reckless so that he's never left in charge of her. No one can be so fucking idiotic to do these things with a baby.

Octomore · 08/02/2022 11:12

The coat, I wouldn't get too worked up about if it was a one-off and she wasn't outside long. It's not great, but not awful either.

Taking the bin out is fine - what do you think single parents do? It's an essential job, and takes a few seconds.

But going to get ice-cream and leaving a baby alone?? WTF?!

CanofCant · 08/02/2022 11:12

Fuck off is she 'lucky' to have a husband that takes care of their shared baby so that his pregnant wife can have extra time to rest. I assume it's OP who deals with her 9 month daughter during the night.

Let's not start down that road of 'Well my Fred did fuck all so your lucky your husband even remembers your child's name'.

And even if the 'lesser' wrongs such as the coat etc aren't on your radar as neglect, they still add up to constant bad decisions that the OP's husband makes that puts his daughter at risk and is another mental worry the OP must be burdened with.

TheAverageUser · 08/02/2022 11:13

Leaving her alone to go to the shop is just negligent, what if something happened? She'd be on her own while he was having an ice-cream, it's unbelievable. I would never be able to leave my child with him again, it's too dangerous.

The coat thing annoys me, I see parents at nursery dropping babies off in winter with 1/2 layers, no hat, no gloves etc...but they always have a winter coat and hat for themselves!

TabithaTittlemouse · 08/02/2022 11:14

If this is a sudden change maybe suggest he visits the doctor. I’m not sure what they can do but tbh if he was absolutely fine two months ago and now has so little common sense I would want it investigated.

I don’t think I could ever trust him. I would worry about everything because he seems so unaware. Bath time, meals etc. Add on the exhaustion of being new parents and there goes his last bit of common sense.

What do you want to happen op?

Akire · 08/02/2022 11:15

No coat is awful babies can’t move and harder keep temperature. I’m disabled I feel cold so much more when sat still going out in pjs even if it’s 15c would still feel cold if you are sat still. Round here it’s been about 5c. I’d be sending him sit outside in one later for hour and see how he gets on.

Userno263647284 · 08/02/2022 11:16

I would have not trusted him and probably left him after the ice cream incident tbh. I think not wearing a coat is the least or your worries with him. Not ideal, but she'll survive that one...

Leaving her home alone is not good though!

TabithaTittlemouse · 08/02/2022 11:17

@ChickenStripper lucky? In what way?

TabithaTittlemouse · 08/02/2022 11:18

@Nanny0gg

Either the average reading age on here is in minus figures or people don't read the OP's posts AT ALL.

The baby came back from the walk icy cold. No hat, no coat and THIN blanket not properly Ln.

The bins are not just outside the back door.

The baby was left alone while he went to the supermarket.

He was happy to help his mother use the car seat incorrectly.

Start showing him some car crash videos and fire service ones @43astroboy45 Make him stand outside in a t Shirt and boxers.

Spell it out to him in words of one syllable. And make him answer you properly as to why he clearly doesn't care

I might keep re quoting this because people don’t seem to be seeing it.
dworky · 08/02/2022 11:18

@Suprima

I honestly don’t know why you are pregnant again by someone so useless
Because a woman is always responsible for male incompetence.
ancientgran · 08/02/2022 11:19

Taking the bin out is perfectly normal I think.

Taking her out in the buggy it depends on the blanket and how well she was covered.

Going to Sainsbury's is totally wrong so I'd focus on that one.

Heatherjayne1972 · 08/02/2022 11:20

Totally unacceptable
The coat thing and the ice cream thing
You need to read him the riot act.

I’d find it very hard to trust him after this
And No you are not hormonal or over reacting

Porcupineintherough · 08/02/2022 11:20

Yes you have a big problem- you've decided to have two kids with a half wit. So now you a) do all the parenting and b) decide if your life is easier with him in it or not.

ancientgran · 08/02/2022 11:22

I'm not sure about involving your mother. His mother at a push but you are both adults and I don't think it is helpful to involve family.

TheGreatATuin · 08/02/2022 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheGreatATuin · 08/02/2022 11:22

Woops wrong thread! I have reported.

TabithaTittlemouse · 08/02/2022 11:23

@TheGreatATuin I think you might have the wrong thread. Unless of course op’s Dh is also a sex worker?

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