Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hugely offended

232 replies

Queenie6655 · 07/02/2022 17:47

Hello

Prepared to be told off guys but really bloody peeved

So as talked about on other threads fleeing dv and ended up back with my parents for a while

Lovely house
Old
Warm
Needs some paint
Stairs are rickety
But otherwise absolutely fine

Anyway
Health visitor here earlier and she was so so rude about the stairs
Said they were unsightly and it was a concern to her !!!!

She knows my situation
Knows we are stuck for cash

I just burst into tears and she left shortly after

So annoyed now
Don't have the money to get a painter in but rest of house is 100 per cent fine
Warm and safe !!!!!

OP posts:
SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 07/02/2022 17:51

If it's an older house, are the banister posts (can't remember their name!) spaced too far apart? Our house is from 50s and the banister is sort of attached from ceiling to floor and the posts are too far apart to be considered safe. Quite common in older houses so could be something to do with this?

LittleLadyCece · 07/02/2022 17:51

Honestly take it with a pinch of salt. From my experience with health visitors they truly lack any empathy. My health visitor regularly made me feel like crap with slight comments here and there. Nothing major but made me feel shit all the same. Ignore the HV. Your doing a great job you’ve got you and your little one to a place of warmth and safety and for that you should be congratulated Flowers

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 07/02/2022 17:52

Also, do you need a painter? Surely their aesthetic doesn't make any difference to their function but if you're not super happy with them, cant you paint them?

DrManhattan · 07/02/2022 17:54

Tell her to do one

CustardySergeant · 07/02/2022 18:00

You said the stairs are "rickety". That implies they are unsafe rather than need a new coat of paint, which would explain her concern.

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 07/02/2022 18:00

Haha tempted

No it's not the space of the banisters

She is talking utter shit

I said where are the drugs here or booze
House is spotless
She just looked at me like I was a fool

She keeps asking me if baby is anxious

Baby is 3 weeks old and not a problem apart from a cold and she was sick one day with that
Fck sake

Single parenting is hard enough

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 07/02/2022 18:03

Rickety as in need paint
Look old

Structure is fine

We had carpet
Out down wooden floors and stairs are next on the list

She was being a dick

OP posts:
asnippersdream · 07/02/2022 18:06

@Queenie6655

Rickety as in need paint Look old

Structure is fine

We had carpet
Out down wooden floors and stairs are next on the list

She was being a dick

Ah, I had a health visitor like this. Tell her to do one. Health visitors aren't compulsory. Concentrate on your lovely baby and don't worry about her.
Teaandtoastedbiscuits · 07/02/2022 18:07

She was completely being a dick. Congratulations on your new baby and don't give her another thought

Gowithme · 07/02/2022 18:08

How rude of her to comment on what they look like, she is being a dick. I find HV's are like doctors receptionists, some are brilliant and others are on a complete power trip and completely useless. A poorly decorated house is not a safe guarding concern. I would make a complaint and see if you can get a different HV - she should not be judging you on how well painted your accommodation is, that's the last thing you need as a new mum. Alternatively I just wouldn't bother seeing her again unless you have to.

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 07/02/2022 18:10

But considering I previously fled. D v
Could she raise concerns ??

There are none
But I worry about idiots like her

How many visits do they normally do?

OP posts:
sadpapercourtesan · 07/02/2022 18:12

I'd just say you don't require HV involvement from now on. I did this with DS2 and it was so liberating. Burnt the bloody Red Book on a bonfire in the garden and never looked back. Any problems, I would always go to a GP anyway as I wouldn't trust the average HV to sit the right way on a lavatory.

The last one I saw spent 20 minutes ranting about caterpillars eating her nasturtiums. Waste of bloody time.

Bunce1 · 07/02/2022 18:13

Did she say it was unsafe? Or just rickety?

Rickety to me is quite conversational.

I bet your house is LOVELY and safe and warm and your HV can indeed do one.

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 07/02/2022 18:16

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

If it's an older house, are the banister posts (can't remember their name!) spaced too far apart? Our house is from 50s and the banister is sort of attached from ceiling to floor and the posts are too far apart to be considered safe. Quite common in older houses so could be something to do with this?
Ballustrading. You're not supposed to be able to pass a 100mm ball through the gaps between the spindles AND you're not supposed to be able to climb them (think ranch-style from the early 80s with the horizontal planks) If the stairs are "too steep" for her, stairgates would fix it depending on the age and capability of your kids The rise should be no higher than 220mm and tread no less than 220mm with an angle of 42 degrees max - but that's for new stairs under Building Regs and tbh my childhood staircase at home was much steeper and I slid/fell down them quite a lot but I'm still alive. Smile
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 07/02/2022 18:16

She said the words

Unsightly

I said that it was unfair to say this after all we been through that there are no other conerns so why shame me

She didn't look too impressed

Now I feel like utter shit

OP posts:
Anonymous48 · 07/02/2022 18:17

Rickety to me implies unsafe, not just in need of some paint. If that's the case then she's right to be concerned. Are you sure about what her issue with the stairs was?

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 07/02/2022 18:18

I said rickety

I mean old and need paint

Apologies

OP posts:
CrinklyCraggy · 07/02/2022 18:18

She's concerned because the stairs are "unsightly"?

CityMumma78 · 07/02/2022 18:19

Take no notice! I only saw a HV at home once after my babies were born, cancel future visits and go to the local health centre instead.
Good luck with your new life!

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 07/02/2022 18:20

Yes !! Like she is worried they are not as clean as they should be

Flip sake

It's an old house

Any room she has been in was spotless

So why say This

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 07/02/2022 18:22

Rickety is very different to ‘needs painting’.

Just because bannisters need painting, there would be no cause for concern-I’d put in a letter to her manager saying how much she upset you.

IBelieveInAThingCalledScience · 07/02/2022 18:24

I'm not originally from the UK and didn't understand the healthcare system that well when I gave birth to first child.

The HV was a huge stress factor with her outdated and frankly bizarre advice.

When I gave birth to our second baby, I declined their services and never saw them again.

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 07/02/2022 18:24

But can I or will they say I am over reacting !??

So tempted

OP posts:
incognitoforthisone · 07/02/2022 18:24

She's being a colossal twat. Provided your stairs are functional and safe, it's none of her bloody business. She's just causing you unnecessary anxiety and no, she absolutely cannot and will not raise a formal concern with anyone over some scruffy stairs.

I am so, so glad that you've escaped your DV situation and have somewhere cosy and safe to live with your gorgeous baby girl. You sound like a brilliant mum. Ignore the arsey health visitor and enjoy your new place! Who cares about a bit of paint when you've got a new baby to cuddle?

DoubleYouOhEmAyEn · 07/02/2022 18:25

If the stairs are not unsafe it's none of her business. She sounds a tad judgemental