To be hugely offended

[Queenie6655]

Hello

Prepared to be told off guys but really bloody peeved

So as talked about on other threads fleeing dv and ended up back with my parents for a while

Lovely house
Old
Warm
Needs some paint
Stairs are rickety
But otherwise absolutely fine

Anyway
Health visitor here earlier and she was so so rude about the stairs
Said they were unsightly and it was a concern to her !!!!

She knows my situation
Knows we are stuck for cash

I just burst into tears and she left shortly after

So annoyed now
Don't have the money to get a painter in but rest of house is 100 per cent fine
Warm and safe !!!!!

@Cherrysoup

Why have her back? It isn’t necessary and no, nobody will raise concerns if you tell her not to come back. Why tolerate the stress?

I'm in Northern Ireland so don't know re the optional bit

Anyone here know this about N Ireland???

@Merryoldgoat

I was also constantly told off because my baby was too big. I never took the second one to be weighed once. I just couldn’t be bothered with the shit they give you.

I must say the last one I spoke to was actually very helpful - I’d forgotten about her until I searched my memory banks but she offered some very good advice and was extremely helpful.

I got told off because one was too big and one was too small I refused a HV with the 3rd.

‘Sorry - I’ll pop him back in and try to get him down to 9lb shall I?’

@Queenie6655 they are still covered by the NMC in Northern Ireland so the same rules apply.

@sadpapercourtesan

Any problems, I would always go to a GP anyway as I wouldn't trust the average HV to sit the right way on a lavatory.

I'm so sorry that yours was so awful, OP. Congratulations on escaping the dv.

But I do hate the way people pile on with generalisations about health visitors. I had two fantastic ones who were nothing but encouraging and lovely. It must be awful for people like them to read threads like this where some posters slag off the whole profession.

As long as the stairs are safe, they’re fine. A bit of scratched paint isn’t going to harm a child.
I’m sad to hear that HVs haven’t improved since my day. I only ever dealt with one and she was beyond useless.
You are safe, your baby is safe. You’re both warm, I’m assuming you have food, you have your parents for support. The idiot HV obviously didn’t understand the huge stress and anxiety DV brings. And getting away with a tiny baby? I’d just take my hat off to you. Stuff her— you keep doing what you’re doing.

[quote TabithaTittlemouse]@Queenie6655 they are still covered by the NMC in Northern Ireland so the same rules apply.[/quote]
Ooooh that's good to know !!!

OP it sounds like you are doing incredibly well in very difficult circumstances. You can decline HV input (I see you are in NI, you can decline there too) but instead I would write to her manager (just address it to the HV manager, then the building they are based in) and describe what she said and ask that you be allocated a new HV. This is a perfectly normal request so won't be thought of as strange and hopefully the manager will speak to the HV in question. I work in a similar role and hand on heart, I would think nothing of how a home looks so long as it is safe, warm enough and baby appears well cared for. I go into some really chaotic homes and I don't bat an eyelid if it meets the basics and baby and mum seem to be ok.

You sound like you are doing bloody brilliantly to be honest!!!!

She’d have a fieldday in my house 🙈

Seriously though she sounds unnecessarily judgmental and poorly trained, just ignore her.

As a health visitor it makes me so sad that so many of you have had such negative experiences when our role is to empower and support.

In terms of the stairs, the only concern would be whether they were safe, as accident prevention is a part of our role. As you say they are safe, then I really wouldn’t give it another thought. You should also request a change of HV - explain your reasons and they should honour this, nobody should be made to cry by a health professional in their own home!

@PrivateHall

OP it sounds like you are doing incredibly well in very difficult circumstances. You can decline HV input (I see you are in NI, you can decline there too) but instead I would write to her manager (just address it to the HV manager, then the building they are based in) and describe what she said and ask that you be allocated a new HV. This is a perfectly normal request so won't be thought of as strange and hopefully the manager will speak to the HV in question. I work in a similar role and hand on heart, I would think nothing of how a home looks so long as it is safe, warm enough and baby appears well cared for. I go into some really chaotic homes and I don't bat an eyelid if it meets the basics and baby and mum seem to be ok.

You sound like you are doing bloody brilliantly to be honest!!!!

Thanks so much

And for all the lovely health visitors out there

Thank you !!!!

You've done something amazing getting your baby out of DV situation.
Well done. xx

If it's just a paint issue, pound shop satinwod paint : £3. Wooden stairs, no carpet is a decor trend , so tell her to do one if she still comments.

Sounds like your health visitor is crap. But it also sounds like extra support for you and your baby could be invaluable with what you have been going through.

Ignore the comments about ditching HV visits and ring up the HV team and ask for a new HV. Good luck with your new baby

I'm in Donegal near Strabane and am about to change careers into being a painter and decorator once my newborn can go into nursery. If you're near enough and want them doing, I would love to do your stairs pro-bono to get your HV off your back if you can supply the paint. I've done one staircase/bannister before, including full strip with heat gun and sandpaper. PM me if you want to arrange something.
She absolutely shouldn't have said that about your house, some people will find fault with anything but I find prevention is the best cure with ensuring they don't have anything to write home about.

Health visitors are pretty useless in my experience and it sounds like she saw the vulnerability in your situation and felt she could be hyper critical of you instead of supportive. Sorry she made you feel bad. You’re doing great and her opinion doesn’t matter

@PeekabooAtTheZoo

I'm in Donegal near Strabane and am about to change careers into being a painter and decorator once my newborn can go into nursery. If you're near enough and want them doing, I would love to do your stairs pro-bono to get your HV off your back if you can supply the paint. I've done one staircase/bannister before, including full strip with heat gun and sandpaper. PM me if you want to arrange something. She absolutely shouldn't have said that about your house, some people will find fault with anything but I find prevention is the best cure with ensuring they don't have anything to write home about.

You angel I'm two hours from you

But would happily take you up on this soon as we are building a new house

I will pay xxxxxxx

@Queenie6655

Haha tempted

No it's not the space of the banisters

She is talking utter shit

I said where are the drugs here or booze
House is spotless
She just looked at me like I was a fool

She keeps asking me if baby is anxious

Baby is 3 weeks old and not a problem apart from a cold and she was sick one day with that
Fck sake

Single parenting is hard enough

Don't joke about drugs or booze to your health visitor- it starts alarm bells not laughter.

What kind of a health visitor uses the word 'unsightly'? Where do you live? Narnia??

Unslightly does not mean dirty or broken or anything else. It just means they don't look nice.

Trust me, the baby is not judging the state of decoration of the stairs. OMG. What is wrong with that health visitor?

They can be horribly superior and patronising and alarming and totally unhelpful all at the same time (some are amazing, but some are not).

Do not take any notice. 'Unsightly stairs' are not a reason for anybody to be doing anything.

Well done for getting your child and you away from domestic violence. Enjoy being at your. home and call the surgery tomorrow and ask if you could have a different health visitor please.

Unsightly stairs! Yes that’s a priority over a newborn baby 🙄

My HV called my naked DD “it” as she weighed her and also said I should feed her every 5 hours (she was a reasonably big baby but not ginormous 4kg) so she effectively put a newborn on a diet. So hard when it’s your first baby and HV are supposed to be supporting new mothers.
You sound like you know what you’re doing OP, don’t let anyone distract you from your success.

I bloody hate health visitors.

The first one showed up to my sons funeral weeping and wailing like she had met him more than once and expecting comfort from me.

The second walked in and asked "does he look anything like your dead son" and was kicked out immediately.

The third one told me I was choosing my own health over my babies when I had to take meds for gallstones and gave up breastfeeding because the tablets were making my baby sleepy, even though she said it wasn't hurting the baby.

I've also had one who shouted at me for having a piece of medical equipment, supplied by the hospital, in with my baby because she didn't know what it was.

Another asked me to say that I was struggling so that she could get some experience working closely with a family with one of my dcs medical conditions.

Honestly I've only ever been stressed out by health visitors and have declined them at all in my last 2 pregnancies. Much more chilled.

Well done on getting away op, it's not easy

@ABCeasyasdohrayme

I bloody hate health visitors.

The first one showed up to my sons funeral weeping and wailing like she had met him more than once and expecting comfort from me.

The second walked in and asked "does he look anything like your dead son" and was kicked out immediately.

The third one told me I was choosing my own health over my babies when I had to take meds for gallstones and gave up breastfeeding because the tablets were making my baby sleepy, even though she said it wasn't hurting the baby.

I've also had one who shouted at me for having a piece of medical equipment, supplied by the hospital, in with my baby because she didn't know what it was.

Another asked me to say that I was struggling so that she could get some experience working closely with a family with one of my dcs medical conditions.

Honestly I've only ever been stressed out by health visitors and have declined them at all in my last 2 pregnancies. Much more chilled.

Well done on getting away op, it's not easy

I'm so sorry

How awful

So annoyed to read this xxxxx

Sack off the HV visits. They are totally unnecessary.

@Aquamarine1029

Sack off the HV visits. They are totally unnecessary.

I never knew this until today

Could my gp do the 6-8 week check up?