To be hugely offended

[Queenie6655]

Hello

Prepared to be told off guys but really bloody peeved

So as talked about on other threads fleeing dv and ended up back with my parents for a while

Lovely house
Old
Warm
Needs some paint
Stairs are rickety
But otherwise absolutely fine

Anyway
Health visitor here earlier and she was so so rude about the stairs
Said they were unsightly and it was a concern to her !!!!

She knows my situation
Knows we are stuck for cash

I just burst into tears and she left shortly after

So annoyed now
Don't have the money to get a painter in but rest of house is 100 per cent fine
Warm and safe !!!!!

Just think of all the money the UK wastes by the Gestapo sending out these strangers to intrude and judge mothers. Perhaps the NHS wouldn't be in such a mess. Many hours ago, when I first read this thread, that was my first thought. And I forgot to put it down. It was 'what a waste of money! when the NHS is so badly in need of resources.' Just flushing money down the toilet. And it's irresponsible because it will be disincentive for mothers to actually visit an actual GP. So it's a hindrance on a few levels. It's an horrendous and unforgiveable waste of money and resources that could be put to better use. I cannot believe that waste and ill treatment of mothers is allowed to happen in the UK.

Which is exactly why actual professionals like a GP exists

Health visitors are fully qualified registered nurses and or midwives, who have done extra training. GPs value the support and input from the health visiting team, as they recognise the knowledge and expertise HVs have.

It's such a shame that posters' individual experiences and anecdotal evidence is being paraded on here, as if they are experts.

The actual truth is, complaints about HVs are rare. As with any internet forum, keyboard warriors are attracted here to spout their anonymous opinions. My only reason for responding to these posters is to try and give a sensible balance.

People tend only to post when they have a grievance. All the other families up and down the country, who are happy with the HV service don't seek out these types of threads.

The training to become a health visitor is very intense. I'm not sure why people are suggesting that they are untrained as it's simple not true.

Like every profession you get good and bad ones but like a pp says people only talk about the bad ones.

I too don't like the encouragement, on here, to refuse their services as they are often the first professional to pick up on neglect in a young child's life. They pick up a lot of the slack from the GPs so by not engaging with them the burden on GPs increases.

OP was the health visitor not worried about your other child on the stairs as opposed to the baby?

Ffs

We as in my immediate family

What is with the FFS? I asked a question. If you had got back with your ex, that could - quite rightly - influence the HV into certain opinions on your ability as a safe person for your children.

I didn't realise you had another child, initially, as you hadn't mentioned them in this thread.

Did you have that attitude with the HV?

The health visitors in my team, are all highly qualified health professionals. We are also supported by two registered children's nurses. We run two child health clinics a week, which are drop in. Babies can be weighed and measured and parents can seek help and advice.

Many of us are also nurse prescribers. Parents on my caseload come to the health visitors for prescriptions, as they moan that it's virtually impossible to get a GP appointment these days.

I am at a loss to understand a PP saying we are basically strangers dragged in off the street. To even access the intense training, you have to be a registered nurse or midwife. Two of my health visitor colleagues hold a joint nurse and midwife qualification. .

We always try to do an ante-natal visit, so that when we visit after the baby is born, we are already known to the parents.

I fully accept that there must be some bad apples in our profession but I can confirm what a PP has said, we have very few complaints.

Just to say thanks all

No way was this meant to bash HV

I was just needing to rant about a bad experience

I loved the First Lady who helped me through so much in so many ways

Will just ignore any more comments that are made and I will go ahead with the next check up and make it clear I want no further involvement from her following this

Thanks again xxxxx

I am at a loss to understand a PP saying we are basically strangers dragged in off the street.

You wouldn't be if you had a string of them visiting and heard the breadth of ridiculous and conflicting advice.

we have very few complaints.

You do realise that it's hard to complain about someone who could report you to SS if they feel peeved? It does happen.

Regrettably I didn't find my health visitor respectful, knowledgeable or helpful.

She turned up at 9.15am, having sent a letter the day before saying she would arrive at 9am. I received it at 8.50am. This was wholly unacceptable. Had she put 9.15 in the letter I'd have had a chance to get dressed and meet her on a more equal footing.

She conveyed a very strong bf mantra but when I asked for help told me she wasn't an expert.

She told me she expected me to attend the baby clinic ic rather than offering it as a choice.

She told me she was responsible for making sure my baby was immunised but couldn't answer any questions about immunisation beyond the leaflet. As far as I was concerned I was responsible, in the absence of a court order for my baby's immunisations.

She was very absorbed in her paperwork and said nothing supportive about the baby.

She was 23.

The other hv at the practice needed a jolly good wash.

If the service wants to work collaboratively with new parents it needs to sharpen up. It appears it hasn't.

Finally, if I had significant concerns about my baby I sought specialist advice from a suitably qualified Dr. Even 27 years ago all the advice I needed around feeding, eating, growth, minor ailments, development, etc was available in books or from other fora.

I did not appreciate a 23 year old making me feel inadequate particularly when they could not provide any information over and above that in the leaflets. A mutually convenient appointment would have been helpful and rather more courteous.

At that time the Head of the Health Visitors Association published an article in the Times saying the role of the HV was to mother's the three Cs: Cooking, Communication and Cleaning. It was frankly deeply offensive and indicates an attitude that illustrates what was wrong then and possibly is now with the HV system.

@Goooglebox

we have very few complaints.

You do realise that it's hard to complain about someone who could report you to SS if they feel peeved? It does happen.

A referral about a family to social services would have to be accurate and professional. The entire HV team is supervised by a child safeguarding team and all concerns about a family are discussed with your supervisor. You have to fully justify any referrals that you make and give a detailed account of your concerns.

If a family complained about a HV, it would be investigated thoroughly by their manager. You will see therefore that there are tight restrictions in place to prevent a peeved HV making up a fictitious story and telling such tales to a social worker. Your claim that HVs make up stories to report a family is frankly, scaremongering.

All HVs are registered nurses and midwives and as such they are bound by the Nursing and Midwifery Council Code of Conduct. This code is drummed into us from the day we start our training as a student nurse.

As a pp has suggested, threads like this attract those who have a particular axe to grind.

I would ask that any family who are unhappy with the HV service complain through the correct channels. Complaining on here won’t resolve your issue and any family needing help and support at a difficult time, could very well put them off reaching out.

could be put off reaching out for help.

If they look rickety I guess she’s just thinking of safety? Do you have stair gates etc? A secure handrail?

If they’re safe I wouldn’t give it any more worry, HVs are trained to spot hazards and she was trying to be helpful.

The defensive HVs who have come onto this thread to undermine and invalidate women's experiences of their colleagues need to have a rethink, imo.

Why do you think so many women have such a low opinion of HVs? Why do so many of us, after one or two visits, decline further involvement? Why do HVs have such a widespread appalling reputation for being ill-informed, unpleasant, irresponsible and downright bizarre? Are we all meanies/lying/bad parents who want to avoid scrutiny? Or is it possible that we are right, and there really is a serious problem with your profession? If I were a HV, I would be striving for improvement, both for my colleagues and for the women they are supposed to be helping, not undermining and denying the experiences of women who have suffered at their hands.

@LittleLadyCece

Honestly take it with a pinch of salt. From my experience with health visitors they truly lack any empathy. My health visitor regularly made me feel like crap with slight comments here and there. Nothing major but made me feel shit all the same. Ignore the HV. Your doing a great job you’ve got you and your little one to a place of warmth and safety and for that you should be congratulated

I think HVs are a mixed bunch, like all professions. Some are great and some are not so great. When I was training to be a nurse decades ago, I did a 2 week stint with an HV and she was so posh, it hurt, lol! She was rather patronising and condescending, insisted on calling all the new mothers "Mummy" which it didn't always sit well with them. I remember one young single mother, I'd say she was the same age as me or even younger and I was only 20, looking at her and then at me as if to say "What the f"£4 is SHE on?" and trying to hold back a laugh. She got on my nerves a bit too. She seemed to have no understanding of what it's like to be poor. Then I had my own HV when DS was born! She was a mature woman, lovely, down to Earth and not at all stuck-up, extremely understanding, helpful and supportive. My own mother said she was wise and she was. I couldn't praise her enough. Don't worry too much OP, so long as your baby is well, and so are you, that's what matters! When it comes to your child starting to toddle, just put a stair gate at both the top and bottom of the stairs so they can't go up or down them without you. That's what I did; the stairs were enclosed both sides but really steep so I had to and it worked! DS is nearly 23, big and bold, no fear of him! All the best to ye both!

@sadpapercourtesan

The defensive HVs who have come onto this thread to undermine and invalidate women's experiences of their colleagues need to have a rethink, imo.

Why do you think so many women have such a low opinion of HVs? Why do so many of us, after one or two visits, decline further involvement? Why do HVs have such a widespread appalling reputation for being ill-informed, unpleasant, irresponsible and downright bizarre? Are we all meanies/lying/bad parents who want to avoid scrutiny? Or is it possible that we are right, and there really is a serious problem with your profession? If I were a HV, I would be striving for improvement, both for my colleagues and for the women they are supposed to be helping, not undermining and denying the experiences of women who have suffered at their hands.

These types of threads attract those with an axe to grind. If there was a serious problem with our profession I am certain I would know about it, as a HV working in the real world. If there really was a serious problem, we would have lots of complaints, we would have countless families refusing our services and our child health clinics wouldn't be so busy. It's not rocket science.

I'm not naive, I know nothing is perfect and there's always room for improvement. Under funding services is a problem and we are short staffed. Please anyone with poor service, complain to the right place, as moaning on here won't ever improve your local HV provision. Write to management and contact your MP. I would be grateful if you did as I am definitely always striving for improvement. Just remember though, some of the comments on here may put a vulnerable person off seeking help. Is that what you posters want?

Just remember though, some of the comments on here may put a vulnerable person off seeking help. Is that what you posters want?

If my posts deter people from seeking help from incompetent and ill-informed HVs who regularly do more harm than good, and direct them instead to a doctor who can actually help them, then I'm very happy with that outcome.

Nobody starts out with "an axe to grind". Most of us have had multiple experiences with multiple HVs, often spread over many years with multiple children. There is indeed a problem with your profession, and if you had an ounce of integrity you'd be addressing that, not gaslighting the women who have suffered at the hands of your disgraceful colleagues. The fact that this is your response says more than your think it does.

@Ilovecreepycrawlies These types of threads attract those with an axe to grind.

There you go again, dismissing women and invalidating them.

If there was a serious problem with our profession I am certain I would know about it, as a HV working in the real world. If there really was a serious problem, we would have lots of complaints, we would have countless families refusing our services and our child health clinics wouldn't be so busy. It's not rocket science.

Erm, you're in the UK. One quick peruse of this site will show the polite and meek British attitude of not wanting to make a fuss, in abundance on threads, where women are scared to make a fuss. And, there are so many threads where women mention HVs, are are truly scared and frightened of them and social services. Women 'don't make a fuss' and suck it up, because they are afraid to. Afraid of the retributions. Afraid of having their children taken from them or some sort of mark made against them. So yes, you are very naive. And displaying a fundamental lack of awareness of the vulnerability of new mothers.

Please anyone with poor service, complain to the right place, as moaning on here won't ever improve your local HV provision. Write to management and contact your MP.

If they weren't so vulnerable and afraid, maybe they would feel they could do that, instead of posting anonymously on here. Perhaps you should ask why HVs create such a climate of fear. I've been on this site for, say, 6 years now, and vulnerable women are too afraid to leave men that bash them up and even rape them, let alone complain about the holy grail, the HV.

Just remember though, some of the comments on here may put a vulnerable person off seeking help. Is that what you posters want?

It may encourage posters to get ACTUAL REAL help, from a GP. That, can only be a good thing. The sooner HVs are done away with, the better.

@sadpapercourtesan

Just remember though, some of the comments on here may put a vulnerable person off seeking help. Is that what you posters want?

If my posts deter people from seeking help from incompetent and ill-informed HVs who regularly do more harm than good, and direct them instead to a doctor who can actually help them, then I'm very happy with that outcome.

Nobody starts out with "an axe to grind". Most of us have had multiple experiences with multiple HVs, often spread over many years with multiple children. There is indeed a problem with your profession, and if you had an ounce of integrity you'd be addressing that, not gaslighting the women who have suffered at the hands of your disgraceful colleagues. The fact that this is your response says more than your think it does.

👏👏👏👏

You are so right, it is gaslighting.

And considering there is a confessed HV on here gaslighting women, they have the temerity to say 'nothing to see here', nothing wrong with my profession. Ilovecreepycrawlies is exactly the type of bullying, browbeating, invalidating and dehumanising gaslighter that people on here complain about. They cannot see they are the exact HV that is the problem. I wouldn't want them anywhere near me or my grandchildren the way they speak to women. The irony is they've just demonstrated what we've all been talking about. And they don't realise it.

We lived in a 3-storey Edwardian house when ds2 was a baby. HV tutted mightily about there being two staircases - all perfectly safe, well maintained and gated as ds1 was only a toddler himself. Quite what she expected me to do about it I have no idea given that I didn't have the ability to shrink the house or install an elevator. Completely silly piece of non-advice. So I didn't bother to engage after that.

PS. The issue with some HV's being far from any help at all - and indeed coming up with extraordinarily inappropriate comments - goes back a very long way. Decades in the case of me and my friends.

The reason why women don't refuse access by HVs is mainly because they fear the consequences or simply don't know that they can decline HV involvement. It's only because I'd had two dcs and a modest degree of confidence that I'd certainly not possessed when ds1 was a baby, that meant I felt able to opt out.

Of course the whole profession isn't tainted. But that doesn't mean there aren't serious issues around power and behaviour that need tackling.

You will see therefore that there are tight restrictions in place to prevent a peeved HV making up a fictitious story and telling such tales to a social worker. Your claim that HVs make up stories to report a family is frankly, scaremongering.

On this very thread, the OP's HV has used the word 'concern' in a ridiculous context. What will she do with that concern if she's aggrieved? After all she's supposed to report concerns, isn't she? She can reflect on anything else she likes and discover other concerns that she can't now satisfy herself about if the family has withdrawn from the service and lodged a complaint. Mum was tired. Mum was vulnerable. Baby was anxious but Mum didn't notice. All great things to say if she's being she's asked by her live manager to justify her ridiculous starter concern.

We have had HVs on Mumsnet openly stating that withdrawing from the service raises an unofficial red flag right away. What short sighted jobsworths.

And let's not pretend there isn't a huge amount of track covering and closing of ranks.

Mothers know this. They know this is possible the moment some bossy, officious person walks in late, announces they look tired, declare the stairs a concern, refer repeatedly to the baby being anxious and give the opposite advice to what the last HV said. They're probably safe but they have a terrifying amount of power to an intensely vulnerable new mother. You're disingenuous to ignore this. No, you don't feel you can get on the wrong side of them without potential consequences. You might be assertive and read later that you were aggressive. You potentially can't win.

Needless to say I opted out.

Just to repeat, those of you with a problem with a health visitor, please complain to the right place.

I'm out because I feel a touch of the troll with some of these responses.

@Ilovecreepycrawlies

Just to repeat, those of you with a problem with a health visitor, please complain to the right place.

I'm out because I feel a touch of the troll with some of these responses.

Oh, we have, you can rest assured of that. And now we're here giving other women the benefit of our experience.

You're out because you've nothing to say when people stand up to you. Not because you think we're trolls - you know perfectly well we aren't.

Crikey, she should have seen my house after DC5 was born. Had a c-section and my useless DH was in charge of housework until I recovered. The house looked like a bomb had hit it, he just couldn’t cope at all… I was so embarrassed and apologised to the midwives and HV a million times over. They really weren’t arsed at all, said it was completely normal with a newborn.

Your HV sounds like an arsehole, I’d request a new one personally. There’s nothing wrong with unpainted stairs or whatever, it isn’t going to harm your child ffs.