To be hugely offended

[Queenie6655]

Hello

Prepared to be told off guys but really bloody peeved

So as talked about on other threads fleeing dv and ended up back with my parents for a while

Lovely house
Old
Warm
Needs some paint
Stairs are rickety
But otherwise absolutely fine

Anyway
Health visitor here earlier and she was so so rude about the stairs
Said they were unsightly and it was a concern to her !!!!

She knows my situation
Knows we are stuck for cash

I just burst into tears and she left shortly after

So annoyed now
Don't have the money to get a painter in but rest of house is 100 per cent fine
Warm and safe !!!!!

How unfortunate she is in that job. All the helpful, supportive things she could have said. "You are doing an amazing job, you have come so far, you have got you and DC safe, you have a lovely home, have you got any worries or concerns I can help with??" How hard is it to say that? Instead she has gone for saying your stairs are unsightly. What a Wally.

Note the word unsightly is an aesthetic observation only, and absolutely piss all to do with her. Tell her to get her paint brushes if she doesn’t like it, the cheeky cow.

If it’s extremely old flaking paint exposing layers underneath, then you could be exposing your DC to lead poisoning. But they would need to be sucking the woodwork or eating flaked off bits. As long as you have stair gates and the staircase is not in imminent danger of collapse, I can’t see what your HV is worried about.
They do vary from excellent to useless. If yours is the latter, I would opt out of future visits. Mine was wonderful and even came to babysit my baby and toddler for DH’s funeral, but she was exceptional.

HV are specially chosen for their ability to get under your skin and insult you in ways you hadn't expected. I'm frankly terrified at the thought they're all qualified nurses because the ones I met were either downright nasty or give mad outdated advice.

I can't get past someone asking if a 3 week old baby is anxious!
If your stairs are her biggest concern, I would say you are doing bloody well and she should naff off.

I assume it's your parent's house so is it up to them re any changes? if that is the case presume that at some you will be moving on.

Ah health visitors, the biggest waste of money in the NHS. The ones I've had the misfortune to deal with were either downright nasty or as thick as mince. Take no notice of them and decline their "services" going forward.

I had a midwife like this when I was pregnant with my first.
She arrived unexpectedly one afternoon. Went to kitchen to "wash her hands" and went via the closed back room. We were coming to the end of renovating our house. The back room was last to be done so was where we kept all the diy stuff.
Midwife was not impressed. Said that she hoped " all this unsightly stuff would be gone by the time baby is here". Nosy cow. Told her it would be. It wasn't.

@Babdoc

If it’s extremely old flaking paint exposing layers underneath, then you could be exposing your DC to lead poisoning. But they would need to be sucking the woodwork or eating flaked off bits. As long as you have stair gates and the staircase is not in imminent danger of collapse, I can’t see what your HV is worried about. They do vary from excellent to useless. If yours is the latter, I would opt out of future visits. Mine was wonderful and even came to babysit my baby and toddler for DH’s funeral, but she was exceptional.

Yes stair gates

Nursery down stairs

She walked by them and made the comment

Silly cow

Thanks all

@SummerHouse

How unfortunate she is in that job. All the helpful, supportive things she could have said. "You are doing an amazing job, you have come so far, you have got you and DC safe, you have a lovely home, have you got any worries or concerns I can help with??" How hard is it to say that? Instead she has gone for saying your stairs are unsightly. What a Wally.

Yes I said this

I did we got them out safe

Happy well cared for baby

No issues

Apart from stairs that need to be painted

Congratulations on your new baby. She was being a colossal dick. Well done for pointing it out to her.

I'm a health visitor, we have a terrible reputation on mumsnet. But I can hand on heart say I work with a wonderful team who would never have spoken to you like that.

As for when you see them again, we offer a visit at 6-8 weeks, but it is not compulsory and you are well within your rights to request a different health visitor visits if you want.

Wishing you and your little one a safe and happy future.

HV aren’t exactly well regarded anywhere.

@Monr0e

Congratulations on your new baby. She was being a colossal dick. Well done for pointing it out to her.

I'm a health visitor, we have a terrible reputation on mumsnet. But I can hand on heart say I work with a wonderful team who would never have spoken to you like that.

As for when you see them again, we offer a visit at 6-8 weeks, but it is not compulsory and you are well within your rights to request a different health visitor visits if you want.

Wishing you and your little one a safe and happy future.

Thank you so much

Last one was fab
She was a real lady and so detailed with her notes etc

It stood me well when we went to court for d v

Thanks for pointing that out

I'd keep quiet, use a cheap can of paint and tosh that over the handrail.

Never hurts to keep them onside when there's the possibility of a shitty ex lurking in the background.

I'd keep quiet, use a cheap can of paint and tosh that over the handrail.

Never hurts to keep them onside when there's the possibility of a shitty ex lurking in the background.

A 3-week old with MH problems ?!?!?

I suspect she would have been horrified at my house when DC were small OP, we had a spiral staircase which didn't meet Building Regs approval (it did at the time of instal, long before I bought the house). The stairs were fine, I only ever fell down once carrying one of the children (he was fine, I was bruised but fine) and they never fell down it at all, if anything it made them much better at going up and down stairs.

I do think in a situation where you have escaped DV a HV or similar should be building you up not putting you down. So much for support!

silly cow
That she was. Unsympathetic.

FYI. The definition of rickety (I just Googled it) is "poorly made and likely to collapse".

Did she say they were rickety or were you just misusing the word?

If she was just commenting on the fact that the stairs could use a fresh coat of paint, I wouldn't let it bother you. If she was saying they could be unsafe then I would look into it.

My health visitor was very similar . I declined a health visitor with my second child and I was so much calmer . Yours sounds terrible and unprofessional. Either ask to change or decline visits x

If my health visitor had made a rude comment about the look of my house rather than the safety or the appropriateness of the facilities I would have put a complaint in about her and asked for a different one in the future.

And if I had fled domestic violence I would also put in a complaint about the lack of constructive support and empathy.

@NeverDropYourMooncup

I'd keep quiet, use a cheap can of paint and tosh that over the handrail.

Never hurts to keep them onside when there's the possibility of a shitty ex lurking in the background.

I get what you mean

But in fairness not one thing wrong with rest of the house

Presuming it's true that the stairs are just tatty and not dirty or unsafe, she should get lost.

What is it with health visitors?

I hate to stereotype an entire profession but honestly I had one nice one.

I always had 2 that were absolutely awful, rude, insulting and downright stupid.

We had one who came in and interrogated us about whether we had the correct baby equipment. If she'd opened her eyes you could clearly see all the stuff that she was asking about on plain sight.

"Have you got a Moses basket" in a concerned tone, the baby is asleep in it in right in front of you you utter dipshit.