To ask if you judge the parents of overweight children

PaddleBoardingMomma · 2022-02-07T17:24:43+00:00

At school pick up today I noticed a new girl in my daughters class was in the line waiting to be collected. She is a very heavy set little girl, they are all in year 1, so still very young but this particular child looked far bigger and sadly really stood out. I found myself feeling so sad, wondering if she will settle in OK and then irrationally annoyed at her parents for putting her in that position. I was quite a chubby child for some of my school years and recall the taunts vividly, it made my school experience pretty horrible so I think I have quite a skewed view on this in fairness, it hits a nerve. I had a word with myself for being judgemental and not knowing the situation and I know it's non of my business, but I wondered if I'm just a horrible person or if anyone else feels a pang of sadness for these kids and (rightly or wrongly) finds themselves blaming/ judging the parents.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 07/02/2022 17:27

Yes I do, I teach many kids who are really overweight and super unhealthy. It makes me sad.
I’ve got a fruit bowl in my office and always offer fruit- most accept!

Original poster

PaddleBoardingMomma · 07/02/2022 17:30

@OnceuponaRainbow18

Yes I do, I teach many kids who are really overweight and super unhealthy. It makes me sad. I’ve got a fruit bowl in my office and always offer fruit- most accept!

Do you find these kids are set back because of their weight? Friendships / socially or is that a thing of the past now? (Naively hoping, here) I just can't help but think she's going to be miserable it makes me so sad!

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furballfun · 07/02/2022 17:32

Depends just how overweight we're talking - one of DD's friends (Y4) is on the heavy side, though definitely not obese. She will always eat if food is offered, and finish it. At one point I picked her up sometimes, and her mum would give me a carrot or apple as an after school snack while my own daughter was having cookies, but that was because my DD was eating virtually nothing at lunch time (this was when they were in KS1 so free lunches) as she's really fussy whereas her friend was eating everything (and possibly seconds). The friend's brother is really slim; it's hard to see what the parents should be doing that wouldn't seem discriminatory (between the friend and her brother).

2holibobssofar · 07/02/2022 17:33

Yes, it’s a form of neglect.
The number of children who have an actual, genuine health condition contributing solely to their weight (Prader-willie, e.g.), will be very tiny…….

Hospedia · 07/02/2022 17:34

No, I don't judge them because I have no idea what factors are behind it so its none if my business.

One of my DC was overweight due to issues related to their disability. The management plan for this was to maintain their weight as it was and they would grow into it - what is 95th centile for weight at 7yo is (approx) 75th centile at 8yo, and 50th centile at 9yo. Anyone judging would be quite welcome, in my opinion, to stick their head up their hoop.

liveforsummer · 07/02/2022 17:35

We have a number of over weight and very over weight dc in our year group. No it doesn't seem to affect friendships at all at this age (same equivalent year group)

Steelesauce · 07/02/2022 17:35

I'll admit, I do judge. My kids don't have a perfect diet but are all slim. They have sweets, chicken nuggets, chips, puddings etc. Regularly so I do wonder what on earth people are feeding their kids for them to get so big.

When I've had some of my sons bigger friends over, they eat adult sized portions and still say they are hungry. I once watched one of their mums let their 7 year old eat an entire pack of biscuits.

Porcupineintherough · 07/02/2022 17:35

Yes I do silently judge the parents (even though I know there will be occasions when I am wrong to do so).

That said I think modern children are far more accepting of difference than was common when I was young. And being an overweight child is quite common these days so hopefully there will be little or no teasing and more acceptance - at least til the teenage years. Teenagers can be very hard on themselves .

Mojoj · 07/02/2022 17:36

Yes I do because, nine times out of ten, the parents are overweight too. They're adults - that's their choice to eat too much but their child has to rely on them for food so doesn't get to choose.

Original poster

PaddleBoardingMomma · 07/02/2022 17:36

@furballfun

Depends just how overweight we're talking - one of DD's friends (Y4) is on the heavy side, though definitely not obese. She will always eat if food is offered, and finish it. At one point I picked her up sometimes, and her mum would give me a carrot or apple as an after school snack while my own daughter was having cookies, but that was because my DD was eating virtually nothing at lunch time (this was when they were in KS1 so free lunches) as she's really fussy whereas her friend was eating everything (and possibly seconds). The friend's brother is really slim; it's hard to see what the parents should be doing that wouldn't seem discriminatory (between the friend and her brother).

Unfortunately we are talking very overweight, at a guess... she's easily twice the size of my 3st very tall daughter. 6st or so, I'd hazard. Her uniform was obviously bought so it fits her width but it was far too long, poor thing.

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Interrobanger · 07/02/2022 17:37

It’s hard to know the circumstances. Obesity and poverty massively overlap for example, so I wouldn’t judge. But I do think it’s such a shame for the kids. There’s an 8 year old girl in my DD’s swimming class and she’s significantly overweight - as is her mum. I see her with the rest of the group and she looks so awkward bless her. She can tell she’s different and it breaks my heart.

poppaloo · 07/02/2022 17:38

@Hospedia

No, I don't judge them because I have no idea what factors are behind it so its none if my business.

One of my DC was overweight due to issues related to their disability. The management plan for this was to maintain their weight as it was and they would grow into it - what is 95th centile for weight at 7yo is (approx) 75th centile at 8yo, and 50th centile at 9yo. Anyone judging would be quite welcome, in my opinion, to stick their head up their hoop.

Agreed.

Ozanj · 07/02/2022 17:38

I work in childcare and take notice when a 2-3 year old with short / average sized parents suddenly reaches 90+ centile in height. Height gain is the precurser to weight gain in obesity but parents are usually far too proud of it to take me seriously and then when that child becomes obese at 6-7 it becomes much harder to control.

TrashyPanda · 07/02/2022 17:38

My friends daughter overfed her child, actually boasting child had eaten full-sized tin of beans and two slices of bread and butter for breakfast.

Child was 4 at the time. Wore age 9 clothes and had breasts.

Friend tried to talk to her DD, who threw a strop, declaring her child was not fat and stopping all contact.

drpet49 · 07/02/2022 17:38

* Yes I do because, nine times out of ten, the parents are overweight too. They're adults - that's their choice to eat too much but their child has to rely on them for food so doesn't get to choose.*

^This

TheAverageUser · 07/02/2022 17:38

Yes I do, the cases where there are genuine medical reasons for the weight are tiny compared to lifestyle.

DaisyStPatience · 07/02/2022 17:38

Yes. It's neglect if not outright abuse. They're going to have a hell of a struggle ever reaching and maintaining a healthy weight as an adult if they've grown up thinking obesity is normal.

Original poster

PaddleBoardingMomma · 07/02/2022 17:39

@Steelesauce

I'll admit, I do judge. My kids don't have a perfect diet but are all slim. They have sweets, chicken nuggets, chips, puddings etc. Regularly so I do wonder what on earth people are feeding their kids for them to get so big.

When I've had some of my sons bigger friends over, they eat adult sized portions and still say they are hungry. I once watched one of their mums let their 7 year old eat an entire pack of biscuits.

Yes I was wondering about that particular point too! I mean I'm no super mum, I try my best for balanced meals and there's always fruit around for a snack, but it's not always easy and some nights it's whatever is in the freezer and I'm guilty of giving in she asks for sweets at the shop if I'm stupid enough to take her with me! Does make me think what food these kids must be having at home?

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pikapikapukachu · 07/02/2022 17:40

I'm afraid I do. Some children will be overweight due to disabilities or medical conditions, but most aren't. I'm shocked at times at the size of some of the DCs I see.
My DC's play a couple of sports, and there are overweight kids in their team / the opposing teams each week. It's brilliant that they are playing. But I can see how much they struggle just moving around.
It's really sad, as there is a huge likelihood that the child will grow into an overweight adult

User0610134049 · 07/02/2022 17:41

I don’t because tbh my dc and many others I know don’t have an 100% great diet, they have fruit and veg but also have crisps sometimes (not every day) and donuts and sweets probably once a week. Yet they are slim. But it’s not by virtue of a great diet, if you see what I mean, more by luck probably! So who am I to judge?

anothernamedoesntsmellsosweet · 07/02/2022 17:41

I do judge and I do it with the knowledge that I have a child (who is now a young adult) who is overweight. I have 2 more that are very active and small so I don't know what I could have done differently. She has no off switch and just buys rubbish or nicks it from the cupboard

notacooldad · 07/02/2022 17:42

I'm not going to lie but years ago I would have. I know better now.
There are many many reason why a child is fat.
My sisters child was hugely obese when she was 9/10 and was bullied mercilessly at school. My sister is a size 8 so it added to the look if the child being huge next to her mum. However niece had a serious health problem . After years of surgery she regained her health and got an earing disorder and is so obsessed about eating as little as possible.
You never know what is happening in people's lives.

PugInTheHouse · 07/02/2022 17:43

No, I wouldn't if I just saw someone overweight, you don't know the reasons behind it. If I knew them well and they were being fed giant portions and junk food constantly then I would probably judge then bit definitely not on first sight.

DH, myself and DS1 are not overweight. DS2 is a lot overweight, he has various medical/psychological issues that add to this but we are trying really hard to help him. It doesn't affect his friendships at all, however I am shocked at how many people say he's not overweight. He very clearly is, by about 2 stone and its very noticeable.

itsjustnotok · 07/02/2022 17:44

Depends on the situation. Two friends have overweight children. One has a disability which causes it and the other has a child who does lots of activities and generally eats healthily. A child who moved to the school was severely overweight and I judged when he brought in last nights kebabs, McDonald’s and huge bags of crisps. I met his mum and she slagged off the school for making her poor son try any form of PE, she claimed it was abuse because he didn’t like it. The poor lad couldn’t even make friends because they all played sports at lunchtime. He was one of the saddest children I’ve met. He tried his hardest on sports day and had more support from his class and other parents than his own mum. She pulled him not long after because she saw PE and requests to give him a healthier lunch as interference in her business. So yeah I tend to judge parents who just make excuses and treat their children like that.

Nc123 · 07/02/2022 17:44

Of course not.

I have three sons, two of whom are slim and one of whom was a big heavy baby and is now a big chunky 7yo. He’s always been tall and heavy for his age and eats plenty of fruit and veg; it just seems to be the way his body works.

You don’t judge anyone for their weight or body shape, whether they’re 4, 14 or 40. It’s a horrible way to view the world.