Anyone else have an aversion to corporate bollock speak?

[LindaLaHugh]

I say aversion - deep hatred would be more accurate. It gives me The Rage
You know the type of thing " deep dive" " I'll take that away to action it" " even " going forward" makes me a bit stabby

You need some blue sky thinking, I'll leave you to put that in the thought fridge.

It’s all swings and roundabout though. Leverage your synergy.

Yes! I also hate the new initiatives that do nothing other than waste time and make someone feel like they've put their shiny new MBA to use. My workplace spent months consulting everyone on what our shared corporate values should be. Cost a fortune and wasted a lot of time. I haven't seen any change since they announced them.

Don't come to me with problems; come to me with solutions.

OMG YES!!!

I'm fed of of hearing "I'll reach out to John in accounts"

What you actually mean is "I'll talk to John in accounts"

FFS Can we please stop this "Reaching Out" bollocks when we mean talk or ask!!!

I love it but I’ve worked in independently owned companies run by egotists/ maniacs for most of my career so when I went corporate it was a relief to discuss “the BAU” for a change and pick the low hanging fruit 😂

"Get it across the line."

FFS

Punch a puppy
Slide deck
Can't see the forest for the trees
Bogged down in the weeds
Collaborate to generate
Thought shower
Singing from the same hymn sheet
Agent of change
Low hanging fruit
Have dialogue

Anyone who says "thought fridge " needs taken out, mafia style..not for dinner

Hahaha I'm just looking at a doc that says "deep dive" right now. Not seen it before. My colleague said "what does that mean"? We are not industry but work with industry!

Yes, I give my husband a Chinese burn if he says 'reach out' on the phone when we're in the car. Sometimes I sing the Four Tops at him.

We once had a boss who told use to try "blue sky thinking" he wasn't impressed when I asked "wtf does that mean?" He didn't say it again and I'm still no wiser.

Who the hell is saying "punch a puppy?"

'Let's just put a stake in the ground, it's always important to get these major issues across the line, but maybe we should take this one offline or add it to the future strategy.

In the meantime I'll be reaching out to Marketing so they can see how that aligns to our company messaging and vision statements.'

We're going through a company 'rebrand' at the moment and honest to God if I have to listen to another load of bullshittery about what we represent and 'owning the moments', I may actually scream on a training event.

I had a friend who had a job where a highly paid consultant used to waft in once a week, tell them to 'listen to the mood music', waft out again then send them a socking great bill.

I miss that guy. Friend's emails that day were always epic.

A member of my household has been working from home since Covid and I've been treated to the full range. (I work to home too; have for years. My work (thankfully) involves sitting silently at a laptop. I could not entertain that kind of bollocks.)
Just two:
'Onboarding' = showing a new colleague the ropes.
'We'll cover that off.' etc. what's wrong with just 'We'll cover that.'?

My mind switched off when I try to read this sort of thing, I just can't take it in. We are supposed to be developing some sort of strategy for our " improvement journey" .. as far as I can tell we'll just be doing much the same thing as before but have a wanky new job title.

"Benefits and disbenefits [of doing X]"

What's not to like?

Surely the question is does any sensible woman ever speak such bollocks.

Solely the preserve of men imo, I'm actually quite surprised that you even need to ask the question

Loving the Four Tops ,I'm going to steal that

I had a boss who insisted he was the kind who had to 'go granular' on everything. Once I found out what it meant I laughed. He was the laziest, most superficial man I'd met in years.

@LindaLaHugh here’s a very useful flow chart

Gingerhills, did he work for Tate & Lyle?

This is very timely. Just after lunch I heard myself ask one of the team to reach out to a few suppliers to get a sense of the current mood music around delivery dates.

I am an arsehole. I am a corporate cobblers speaking arsehole. It’s like a virus that I’ve caught somewhere. A virus that rots your self awareness.

I've always thought of it as an (often male) tribal thing - some fool comes out with a ridiculous phrase and everyone else parrots it to show they're "part of the team"

A bit pathetic really ...