Anyone else have an aversion to corporate bollock speak?

[LindaLaHugh]

I say aversion - deep hatred would be more accurate. It gives me The Rage
You know the type of thing " deep dive" " I'll take that away to action it" " even " going forward" makes me a bit stabby

[quote Ilovemypyjamas2021]@LindaLaHugh here’s a very useful flow chart [/quote]
🤣

In the mid 90’s worked for a well known American Telecoms company

Video conferencing with our cousins in the States was hilarious as we Brits used to play Buzz word, phrase Bingo 😹

One American who was based with us asked why someone used to mention house in a conversation while on the call

He roared with laughter and loved the Brit humour

We had fast ISDN lines even then and were developing what we now take for granted on our phones 👍

So many of us hate this shit spouted by cunts - why is it so all pervasive?

@Seeleyboo

I gave up office work during the pandemic simply because of this shit. After furlough i just knew i couldn't go back to that bollocks.

What do you do now? Need to know if there's a chance for me.

Yes, yes, yes! About to go back to with after mat leave and didn't realise how much I hadn't missed this until I read your post

My least favourite of them all is probably when people say “revert” rather than “reply”. It doesn’t even make sense!
I’ll send an email and get a response that says something like “I’ll look into that and revert to you with an answer.”
Why??

What about "square the circle"? What the actual fuck does this mean???

[quote Ilovemypyjamas2021]@LindaLaHugh here’s a very useful flow chart [/quote]
😂😂😂😂

I have on occasion been a bit rude about corporate jargon at work so I’ve had to tone down my displeasure but I totally agree with you. Wtf does blue sky thinking even mean

It's not really a business buzzword, but in my last job managers kept using utilise instead of use. It drove me crazy.

Somewhere (Susie Dent's podcast perhaps?) were phrases that aren't used anymore or maybe were made up. I tried to get people to start using them, but no joy so far. I also found this online ages ago. Again,none of my friends have stepped up to the wok challenge

@SickAndTiredAgain

My least favourite of them all is probably when people say “revert” rather than “reply”. It doesn’t even make sense! I’ll send an email and get a response that says something like “I’ll look into that and revert to you with an answer.” Why??

Yes! I actually said this to someone at work, who turned out to be someone who used ‘revert’ but maybe he was shamed into using it correctly

Just sounds like Gus from Drop the dead donkey to me. They must have had fun writing his lines.

@Appletreechocolatecake

‘I’m agnostic on that’

And don’t get me started on bloody annual reviews where I have to sit and listen to someone patronise me with all the things I’ve done well. Utterly infantilising and makes me cringe myself inside out, I’m a middle aged woman and I don’t need to be told I show promise and have a bright future with my organisation, I’m not 16.

The only thing worse is interminable compulsory "training" (listening to Americans on video) about why bribes are wrong. I don't handle finances or have connection with the "business" part of our business - nor am I party to any valuable information, but much more importantly, unlike some thieving amoral cunt like Jeffrey Epstein, I learned right form wrong as a kid.

A movable feast…..

Also, i worked for a large bank and the high up folk used to say “I’m cognisant of that…” rather than just say “yes, I know…”

Also, “Chunk it up/chunk it down..” was common when people need a high/low lever overview 😂😂😂

I read an email the other day:

"Please could yourself reply to myself so there is no confliction of our diaries". Jesus!!! It's painful 🤣

@mum2jakie

You’ve just reminded me that people who can’t use “myself “ properly drive me mental.

Reply to me!! Not reply to myself !! Fuck sake, learn what a reflexive verb is.

Oh, the latest word that's infiltrating so many calls is quorum, do we have a quorum on that?

What they mean is Do you all agree? But nooooo we have to have a quorum.

Haha, YES. I used to laugh at it (and eye roll) all the time. Luckily I changed departments and they don't do it in my current one!

"listening to Americans on video) about why bribes are wrong."

:) :) :)

First remember this nonsense early nineties. Bank I worked for paid millions for an American team show us how to do it .
Absolute disaster! most annoying word was ‘deliverables’ ie tasks.
Cost them more millions to put everything right when they had gone.
I was the mug who had to deal with them locally and implement the bullshit in my branch. The Americans were put up in top hotels. Utter brainwashing garbage of no benefit. Caused so much disruption.
Luckily long retired so do not have to tolerate this crap any more lol

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo

Oh, the latest word that's infiltrating so many calls is quorum, do we have a quorum on that?

What they mean is Do you all agree? But nooooo we have to have a quorum.

Quorum is a perfectly valid word. It just doesn't mean what they think it means!

Some of these are hilarious though 🤣 I wonder if people who use them realise what knobs they sound

Is this why the private sector gets paid more? In 30 years of work I've only had conversations along the lines of "can you do this" to which I'll reply yes or no. Must be danger money.

Touching base/reaching out give me the utter utter rage

We (UK) also play "bullshit bingo" on calls with our US colleagues. However I think they've recently received the compulsory "cultural" training (to help them work better with other global offices) and now every call starts with them talking about the weather on the east coast/mid/west coast

MIL uses ''touch base''

She worked in an office for about 10 mins around 30 years ago