Anyone else have an aversion to corporate bollock speak?

[LindaLaHugh]

I say aversion - deep hatred would be more accurate. It gives me The Rage
You know the type of thing " deep dive" " I'll take that away to action it" " even " going forward" makes me a bit stabby

‘Organic’
‘Home grown content’

Used to quietly drive me mad. Even now, years later, it make me want to scream 😁

@Puzzledandpissedoff

I've always thought of it as an (often male) tribal thing - some fool comes out with a ridiculous phrase and everyone else parrots it to show they're "part of the team"

A bit pathetic really ...

In my experience it's an equal-opportunities contagion.

But yes it's ultimately about excluding others, and about making bullshit jobs feel more important. (And I speak as someone who operated lucratively within the warm bath of corporate bullshit work for many years.)

@BobHadBitchTits

Don't come to me with problems; come to me with solutions.

@BobHadBitchTits

Oh god this! I used to have a boss who said this. The thing was his actual job was to sort out the problems, mine was to do the day to day tasks.
Instead he just messed around in his office while the staff did all of thw work.

'Push back'. It's 'disagree' dammit!

Have this document read by close of play.

Close of play! CLOSE OF PLAY!

This isn't play this is work. That's why you have to pay me to do it.

Close of fucking play. Argh fuck off.

Why don't we take this offline?

Ask. As in "I have a big ask for you."

Just stop.

'Curate the space'

Colin, you are a business analyst with a dashboard. You do not work in a museum.

I work for a global consultancy firm.

We in the UK have a special secret bullshit bingo card that we use when in meetings with North America, although we've recently changed the rules so that it's not just about a full house (that's a given), it's time taken to a full house.

My personal record is within four minutes.

Personally, I LOATHE 'reach out' and 'going forward' (IT'S NOT EVEN GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT).

@Crabwoman

'Curate the space'

Colin, you are a business analyst with a dashboard. You do not work in a museum.

Holy shit, that's a new one. 😄

Awful just cringe when people use these:

win win
i'll go for that
downstream
unpack

and all the other nonsense non meaning phrases and words.

Well, if you're not in the loop, how will you understand the game plan ??
Some blue sky thinking is needed to get things back on a level playing field and not be taken off piste.

Or, as I'd put it.....listen and you won't fuck it up 👍

I get stabby with “yourself/myself/yourselves/ourselves” never mind all the other corporate bullshit! I’ve kind of learned to expect it with the younger ones but the older folks doing it should bloody well know better!

‘Can I get a visual on that?’

Ffs. It’s not flaming Star Trek.

I work with Americans. This is the only language they speak.

'Leverage' is a firm favourite as is 'capabilities'. Just stick a load of wanky words in a sentence, no one will understand but they also won't want to admit to not understanding it.

‘I’m agnostic on that’

And don’t get me started on bloody annual reviews where I have to sit and listen to someone patronise me with all the things I’ve done well. Utterly infantilising and makes me cringe myself inside out, I’m a middle aged woman and I don’t need to be told I show promise and have a bright future with my organisation, I’m not 16.

ooh, looping too! 'Close the loop' or 'loop back to someone'

@WhoWants2Know

Who the hell is saying "punch a puppy?"

My old boss. Means to do something bad or negative to further the company or project ie sack someone, withdraw funding etc

Let me pop that in your think tank to see if it blows bubbles...📌

Just downloading my thoughts after that meeting .

At my work there's a lot of talk about 'acknowledging my white privilege' which also gives me the rage as it's basically a get out from really thinking - just using buzz phrases to look good.

Whenever someone says 'reach out' I whisper 'touch faith'. Think I managed about 6 times during a sales planning meeting before I was discovered.

Can someone explain what "thought fridge" is? That's new to me.

I've noticed a massive upsurge in "dialoguing with" and "interfacing with".

I think the working from home trend has made it worse, because people are no longer seeing the raised wtf eye brows or hearing muffled chuckles.

We need more 'granularity' ... ?
You're the 'glue' that holds the 'department' together
Re-shift you're focus to align with those in agreement going-forward...
Just give me the 'high-level' overview 'in brief' such that we can advance

HATE IT!

'Bringing your whole self to work' is the latest cringe at my work.

@Leighcloon

Yes, I give my husband a Chinese burn if he says 'reach out' on the phone when we're in the car. Sometimes I sing the Four Tops at him.

I love you !

Info security here... every bloody one is forever reaching out! I refuse to.

It does cross my mind to sing to them the Four Tops, but i am sadly totally outnumbered