Anyone else have an aversion to corporate bollock speak?

[LindaLaHugh]

I say aversion - deep hatred would be more accurate. It gives me The Rage
You know the type of thing " deep dive" " I'll take that away to action it" " even " going forward" makes me a bit stabby

Yes. Just put an “i” or and “e” in front of everything and pretend it’s new! At the risk of sounding stupid, I’m tired of new names being trotted out for old things and people pretending like it’s a new concept.

“The cloud” - it’s nonsense. It’s storing your stuff on someone else’s computer. It’s been around for ages. I won’t go on.

“Digital Transformation” just seems like a new word for something that’s been going on for 2 decades. Everyone is adding it to their resume and linked in profile.

Maybe I’m an idiot, and I’m sure these things mean something new to someone but I wish I was old enough to retire. We are doing stuff again that we did 20 years ago and acting like it’s brilliant.

A person I used to work with has just been appointed Customer Ideation Manager.

I am so glad I don't work there any more. Twats.

@daimbarsatemydogsbone

A person I used to work with has just been appointed Customer Ideation Manager.

I am so glad I don't work there any more. Twats.

What does it mean? Imagining customers?

The internet says these are other words for ideation:

imagination fancy
hallucination delusion
phantasm figment
conceit fantasm
idea nonentity

Oops, they did have spaces between.

Don’t get me started on low hanging fruit or easy wins. I get rather irate!

Apparently tacking on the “center of excellence” to departments is now a thing also. As if calling something excellent will make it so.

Yes we have a Director of Lived Experience

Hmmm surely everyone has a 'lived experience' until they are dead? Or are they 'directing' it in the style of the Truman show...

As it happens they do a job which involves deciding who's 'lived experience' is actually worthy enough of their attention and who's isn't (e.g employees in same organisation living in poverty don't have experiences that count).

“The cloud” - it’s nonsense. It’s storing your stuff on someone else’s computer. It’s been around for ages. I won’t go on.

Well... no, there's more to it than that. If someone is talking about 'cloud computing' then that's something rather different. Suppose you're a company needing to do heavy duty calculations, instead of having to shell out upfront your own powerful servers and buy very expensive software, cloud computing can allow you to pay for usage.

...but it as with so many of these things, if you're not talking about heavy duty calculations or other applications where cloud computing is relevant, then waffling about 'the cloud' may well be nonsense.

What does it mean? Imagining customers?

I have no fucking idea - so glad I don't work there any more.

As with the cloud a lot of good initiatives are hijacked by ignorant airheads so their meaning and usefulness is destroyed.

Agile as a way of not fucking up software developments is a good thing - but now everything has to be fucking agile and digital and the words are used by airheads who don't know what they mean - and that makes it increasingly difficult to communicate.

@Nomoresmoresthensnores

At one point you couldn't move for 'solutions', then it was 'e-' or 'i-' before everything vaguely web/tech and then even things that weren't (i-sandwich). Then lots of 2.0, then # and no idea what it is now on. Once local government starts using a trendy term' you know it's so dead. Bit like how smoothie making bikes used to be at every event. Then chocolate fountains.. and so on... apps .... loads are good.. lots more pointless. I'm glad I no longer have to deal with all that.

Even before all that was Y2K - when there was collective panic and endless Very Important planning meetings for Very Important people fuelled by testosterone, adrenaline and caffeine to agree on how we would continue to function (NHS) at the moment of Y2K. These thousands of hours spent on these Very Important matters were not completely unnecessary, as it turned out.

@ErrolTheDragon

“The cloud” - it’s nonsense. It’s storing your stuff on someone else’s computer. It’s been around for ages. I won’t go on.

Well... no, there's more to it than that. If someone is talking about 'cloud computing' then that's something rather different. Suppose you're a company needing to do heavy duty calculations, instead of having to shell out upfront your own powerful servers and buy very expensive software, cloud computing can allow you to pay for usage.

We’ve been doing that for 2 decades though. We called it outsourced infrastructure, hosting, among other things. There were massive businesses dedicated to this as far back as 1998. It’s just not new. Some of the tech behind it has changed, but it’s not so different.

www.theamegroup.com/a-history-of-it-outsourcing/

Operational excellence
Data stories
Suboptimal governance/oversight/systems/whatever

@evilharpy

Operational excellence Data stories Suboptimal governance/oversight/systems/whatever

GAH!

Make it stop!

@SirChenjins I actually explained Y2K to my teen the other day as it was referenced in an old movie we were watching.
She just looked at me
I said...yes the world was a simpler place then...

Bookmarking for future reference 😉

I hate the one..,'im reaching out to you;,,,,christ it makes my arse cheeks crinkle