To be confused as to why I am excluded?

[yesitssea]

My friends 50th.

She was my best pal through uni. And afterwards. We lived together in a flat share too for a few years.

Saw her normally over the past year (2 or 3 times) text her happy birthday last week and she replied really friendly like 'thanks, hope we can meet up soon!'.

I go on Facebook today and her and all of our friends are away celebrating her 50th in a hotel. I am gobsmacked. There are even people there who are more my friends than hers. Our old work colleagues. Our joint friends.

I just can't understand it. It's bizarre. She's must have known about it for months. We caught up before christmas and nothing was mentioned.

She does have a history of occasionally singling one person out and excluding them for a while. She likes to be the organiser of weekends away etc.

Im wondering if it's my turn. She's done it to another of our friends and we all noticed and just purposefully made sure that person was forwarded on the invitation every event that was organised.

Can you help me understand what's gone on here? It's so weird. Am I the pariah this time?

Even my Mum said to me 'oh Kerry's 50th looks fab, why didn't you go?' As she had seen pics on Facebook. So awkward.

Maybe sit tight and not reply, and see if she messages again?

Just do not reply. Obviously. Why enter into anything other than completely ignoring her.

@HollowTalk

Some people to seem to enjoy things better if they have excluded someone else from it. Social media seems to make this even more enjoyable because they know that the excluded person will know all about it at the time it's happening.

She really isn't your friend.

This is true. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadnt got caught up in a school gate clique who thrived on leaving on person out. Such horrible behaviour.

I wouldn't ask. I'd cut her. I was dropped by the school gate group then suddenly scooped up again and ended up on a holiday witnessing them spend the entire weekend texting the one they'd chosen to exclude with lies about where they were. These women were 40 FFS. Never again. I dropped them from then on. You should too.

Ignoring her is the best route for 2 reasons - it will probably annoy her massively and she can't twist your reply to use against you

It doesn't matter what reply you send, it will be twisted, taken out of context and used against you.

Silence is powerful.
Silence speaks volumes.

If you don't respond she will be woe is me..."I invited Taz out for dinner and she didn't respond, so 🤷‍♀️"

Friendship shouldn't be so challenging.

Honestly, just ignore her.

If she's not chasing you for a reply, just let it ride. Oftentimes, no reply IS a reply. Let this be one of those times.

I'm inclined to also say don't respond. Towards the end I completely ignored my poisonous sister. I must say it was quite enjoyable to read some of her texts. She would go from nice to psychotically angry. I could nearly picture her red with anger and fit to burst.

I reply with what you put on here...

Hahahahahahaha!

No

I’m in the “just ignore it” camp. Wash your hands of the situation, safe in the knowledge that you escaped her manipulation 😬

I would definitely answer, no thank you and leave it at that. No kiss, no hello, nothing.

What excuse did she use for you not being at her party? Work commitments wasn’t it? I’d use that, ad nauseum.

I wouldn’t reply and say you’re busy as she will just use that as proof she’s right fo have excluded you. Just ignore. Make sure you get some dinner/drinks plans with girls that were there soon and post up a photo on social media so that she can see it. That’s your revenge. Get a night out planned. Without her invited. The best revenge is to cut her out back.

There’s a thread on here from a couple of years ago where a man dumped the poster by text saying ‘no need to reply’ and she never replied to him and just moved on with her life.

It made him so angry! He wanted her to chase him.

I think, however you respond she will spin it.

Whether you reply no thank you, or don’t reply at all, or call out her behaviour she’ll play the victim “It was just a misunderstanding, I’ve tried to reach out but she won’t hear my apology / she’s being so mean…”

The only way to win is not to play so do what feels best for you. Personally I’m an avoider so I’d just ignore. Other people don’t be satisfied until they e burned all bridges.

But there is no timescale to respond. You don’t have to agonise over it. Give yourself time and space and focus on your other friends until you’re ready.

Heck I’ve left people I like and want to spend time with on read for longer than 2 days. Not on purpose, just busy. Take your time.

Good advice there.

If she’s determined to, she’ll put spin on whatever you respond with, even silence. She hoped you would dance but you didn’t. Take your time to create as little drama as possible. It will make you seem reasonable while annoying her more than anything else.
If it comes to it, you’ll just have to tell her that the exclusion from the 50th has made you view her in a different light and there’s nothing to be done about that. No grudge but no effort either.

@Shortpoet

There’s a thread on here from a couple of years ago where a man dumped the poster by text saying ‘no need to reply’ and she never replied to him and just moved on with her life.

It made him so angry! He wanted her to chase him.

I think, however you respond she will spin it.

Whether you reply no thank you, or don’t reply at all, or call out her behaviour she’ll play the victim “It was just a misunderstanding, I’ve tried to reach out but she won’t hear my apology / she’s being so mean…”

The only way to win is not to play so do what feels best for you. Personally I’m an avoider so I’d just ignore. Other people don’t be satisfied until they e burned all bridges.

But there is no timescale to respond. You don’t have to agonise over it. Give yourself time and space and focus on your other friends until you’re ready.

Heck I’ve left people I like and want to spend time with on read for longer than 2 days. Not on purpose, just busy. Take your time.

That thread was superb.

The OP truly was a legend.

What a complete tosspot her Ex was.

I hope she is living her best life.

If I recall correctly, he pursued her for a long time.

She was well rid of him.

I agree with above, silence is very powerful.

@billy1966
That thread was superb. The OP truly was a legend. What a complete tosspot her Ex was. I hope she is living her best life. If I recall correctly, he pursued her for a long time. She was well rid of him. I agree with above, silence is very powerful.

You toook the words out of my mouth!

If you do reply, a friendly cheery reply, make sure it's clear the party was in the past so it can't be used as a reply to the party invite.

Yes, id be worried she wants a screenshot of u saying ur busy.

@billy1966 "runningintherain" i think.

Dumped by text www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text

The OP was indeed a legend when she got dumped by text, but it totally knocked her sideways and we shouldn't estimate the hurt she suffered.

@BobHadBitchTits thanks for that.

It was awful.
They had been together a good while and at the time I think it was mentioned that it is usually the two year mark when the mask will slip.

She handled him with huge aplomb.

She dodged some bullet.

I so hope she is doing well.