AIBU to ask if you sleep trained your baby

[babyjellyfish]

What approach did you take, how old was your baby and how successful was it?

Looking for a range of views and experiences.

Thank you.

[quote MaryShelley1818]@De88
I always listen and work with parents in a non judgemental way. I'm regularly observed by Practice Educators and other SWs, and also receive feedback from parents. In 20yrs I've had ONE negative feedback. I've absolutely no doubts in my professional abilities but thank you for your advice. It doesn't really matter what an Internet stranger thinks, the number of families I've helped and supported is what keeps me in the job.[/quote]
I am not doubting your professional abilities. What was in doubt was your seeming application research about neglect to your own personal feelings about what proper sleep training is. Fellow social worker 30+ yrs experience.

No. I did think about it around 6 months for my eldest but couldn't being myself to do it. He slept through from around 14 months. DD is nearly two and not there yet, but I still can't bring myself to do it. My children's cries go right through me.

We sleep trained both of our boys at around 7 months. We left them to cry but went back in every few minutes to reassure them but avoided picking them up. After a few nights they both slept through and are both amazing sleepers now. We put our 2 year old in his cot awake, he settles himself to sleep and sleeps through til 7. We were all so much happier for getting decent sleep...them included. I don't believe controlled crying is barbaric....existing on no sleep every night is barbaric for parents and children.

Started with a baby led routine with our first. Nobody was getting enough sleep! Tried the Gina Ford approach from about 12 weeks and did with our subsequent children. It's not for everyone but it worked for us. All four of our children got into a good day and night time sleeping routine as a result. We never let them cry themselves to sleep. Just kept going back in to reassure them and give hugs when needed.

We did, and used the Dr Ferber 'Solve your Child's Sleep Problems' book. Saved our sanity and our jobs. They are all well adjusted adults now. I'm afraid I would do it again.

I put my DDs down to sleep awake pretty much from birth (unless they fell asleep while bf) But I would try and avoid that if possible. I would purposely feed them upon waking so they were awake for a while and when it was time to go to sleep again I put them down and they put themselves to sleep. I saw my sisters rocking their 6/9/12 month olds to sleep and swore I'd never do that! It was probably my best parenting move (I was shite at much of the rest of it )

Yes. Chronic sleep deprivation is extremely unhealthy. That goes for babies as well as parents. I think people underestimate how absolutely fundamental good sleep is to all aspects of physical and mental health. Exhaustion is not trivial.

Especially driving exhausted is not treated with the seriousness it deserves - it's absolutely as dangerous as drink driving.

I just don't get these "barbaric" comments! I could say the same when we came to take away the dummy and he was so so sad about it, but it still meant that for us it had been the right thing to give it in the first place and still meant it was the right thing to take it away.
I just don't think they remember and I'm strongly of the opinion that the few nights it takes to settle with whichever method you choose, the payback is huge for all the nights you aren't knackered, sobbing, trying really hard not to yell at the baby to go to sleep.
It just isn't barbaric. I know my babies cry, I knew if it was something more than just wanting to get her own way. Whichever pp above said about martyrdom has got it right.

No, but we decided to co-sleep instead, which also isn't for everyone. It did make life a lot easier and we stopped having any tears or stress at bedtime. And I am lazy and need sleep so I went for the easiest solution!

No, I decided to cosleep instead with a very solid bedtime routine. This works really well for us, I like feeding to sleep as it only takes about 10-15 mins. I get 7.30pm-7.30am with one/two wake ups, which are usually so quick I don't even register them. Baby's 11 months and I'm planning to cosleep until about 18 months probably.

Cosleeping to me doesn't mean that I accept shit sleep though, I still don't want to be waking up multiple times a night. I work and adjust bedtime to ensure everyone gets as much sleep as possible.

I did a gradual withdrawal type of thing when DS was 11 months old.

Until then he co-slept and he would just latch on throughout the night as he wanted so it worked well. But for various reasons we needed to change the set up.

So we started by moving the co-sleeping to his room on mattress on the floor. Then to him in the cot and me next to it but we held hands. Then I’d just sit and hold his hand until he was settled then leave. Then eventually I’d leave when he was still awake.

There was no distress and I progressed at his pace. He was happy enough throughout and just needed the time to adjust to each change.

Not exactly but I followed the GF routine, I never fed or cuddled my baby to sleep ... 7pm, in his cot and I left him to self settle, we were probably lucky in that he was just a naturally good sleeper ... but we never fussed over him.

no I didn't. I tried shush-pat once and it just made the baby really angry!

They all sleep fine now.

Yes. The first night it took 30 minutes, second night 2 minutes and since then will happily take her self off to sleep. Best thing I ever did.

(If she's unwell or cries now, I will always go to her. She still cries when she needs us)

As a mum of 6 I used controlling crying. When my 2nd DC was 8 months he started waking every hour. I was like a xombie. I couldn’t function. So for my eldest DC sake and my 2DC I did controlled crying. No child was left for hours crying. I did it with me wide awake outside there room. Going in every few mins... it worked within 2 days. Before I get negative comments. I knew my DC was not hungry or wet or poorly. From then on I could function as a mum and my elder Dc didn’t suffer with me being unable to cope with lack of sleep. It was best for my DC. I did it with my 4 th and my 5th. It was always controlled. Always with my Dc in mind and literally was a life saver. I recall before I did controlled crying with my 2nd driving to the HV and she took one look at me and suggested it. I also recal falling asleep once while I was feeding and to me I was putting my DC at risk I was that tired. So yes I have done it. It worked and no my child did not suffer.

I never fed or cuddled my baby to sleep

But this is such a wonderful part of parenting babies! The sleeping on the chest and the cuddles and feeding to sleep!

With child number 1 we did sleep training when he was a year old and we intended moving him to his own bed/room

The first night he cried for 20 minutes (dh and sat on the stairs nearly in tears) the second night he cried for around 10 minutes and that was it

We had given ourselves a deadline, I don’t remember how many days it was but I doubt it would have been very long

No, as I couldn't listen to my baby cry and not go to them.

Both were/are (breast)fed on demand, feed to sleep and feed for comfort during night wakings. Older one slept through after a couple of weeks and has woken in the night 3 times in total, when he was unwell.

Youngest is up a few times every night, sometimes once or twice, sometimes 4/5 times. I've figured it depends on the individual baby since we've treated both the same, and hoping youngest sleeps through sometime soon. 😁 I don't think sleep is something that should be "trained" into people.

@5keletor I am the same as you and could never do it. I don't understand why that angers / upsets so many mumsnetters though. Parenting is such a personal thing - lots of people probably can't stand certain things I do with my little boy but I literally couldn't care less! I don't get why people care so much.

Bed share and skip the whole thing!

I did pick up/put down with DD2 when she started faffing about and not taking a proper night feed at about a year old. Took 3 nights, there was no crying involved.

I would not have considered anything that involved leaving either of them to cry for any length of time longer than the time needed for me to get from my bedroom to them.

So everyone who's against letting them cry. When you put them down at night and leave the room and they cry, do you ever leave them for a few minutes or do you go back immediately?

I mean more with older children from 12 months onwards, not babies.

We used a sleep consultant when DT’s were about seven months. I was going back to work and needed sleep. We didn’t want to feed to sleep or Co sleep . It was very gentle and within a week they were sleeping from 8pm - 6.30am . It was not cruel or them crying to sleep.

I read an interesting post on here last week, it said ‘your baby doesn’t need sleep training, you need the training to accept that they don’t sleep, they are a baby!’