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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if you sleep trained your baby

411 replies

babyjellyfish · 05/02/2022 11:12

What approach did you take, how old was your baby and how successful was it?

Looking for a range of views and experiences.

Thank you.

OP posts:
RaginaPhalange · 05/02/2022 13:00

No. Ds1 was a great sleeper, ds2 not so much but has gotten better, will occasionally wake up once or twice a night and sleeps 11 hours (he's 1 on thursday)

CatSpeakForDummies · 05/02/2022 13:05

I did, at 14 months. He'd been a great sleeper until about 10 months, then 10-12m he was waking once or twice for a feed and not wanting put back down once he was in "play mode."

By 14m he didn't want put down at bedtime either and would cry in a way that wasn't upset. As soon as he saw us coming to get him he'd grin. So we stopped picking him up, just comforted him and left. We went in after 5 mins, then 10, then 10, then he fell asleep after 12 and from then on went to bed fine.

I wouldn't have done it if he'd been distressed but I knew him well enough by then to recognise "chancing his arm."

WaterBottle2 · 05/02/2022 13:06

No, I don't judge anyone that does as each to their own but I couldn't do it to my children. They are only young once and for such a short period (I know at the time with sleep deprivation it feels like it goes on forever) so I just took each night as it came and enjoyed all the extra snuggles

GladysAndFred · 05/02/2022 13:06

No. I don't want to do that to my child.

Would you want to be left crying in a room alone when you're longing for someone to pick you up and sooth you? Probably not.

Chasingaftermidnight · 05/02/2022 13:13

Yes. My son was about 9 months old. He was waking to breastfeed but very irregularly - sometimes wanting 5 feeds a night and sometimes wanting one. I’m very prone to mastitis but the irregularity was causing me to get it all the time, so it had to stop.

I stayed in bed and my DH went in with water. He cuddled DSq and offered him a drink. First night it took over two hours to get him back to sleep again. Second night it took an hour. Four or five nights later it took about 30 seconds - my DH just had to go in and put a hand on him and he settled immediately. And within a week he was sleeping through.

PamelaDoov · 05/02/2022 13:13

Saying you wouldn’t leave an adult to cry is a ridiculous comparison. I don’t cry because I’m tired and want someone to push me around in a pram.

DarkCorner · 05/02/2022 13:20

First baby - no, terrible sleeper, had no “awake but drowsy” setting and no “grizzling but not screaming” function. Second baby - had both of those settings so from very early on, we gently encouraged her to sleep in the cot and didn’t leap at the first grizzle (but never left her screaming for ages). She’s now a brilliant sleeper but I suspect they were just very different babies and she would have found a way to sleep well regardless. She also has a dummy while my first never took to one.

Piglet89 · 05/02/2022 13:21

Yes.

Used a sleep consultant, who implemented CIO and a rock solid daytime routine.

Took a week to get the routine down - probably about 3 weeks until he slept reliably 1900-0600.

Did it at 4.5 months. He’s 2 and a half now and sleeps 1300-1430 nap and 1930- c0630 night times.

Piglet89 · 05/02/2022 13:23

He does still rely on his shhhh track to go to sleep though which probably isn’t ideal!

GinAndTopic · 05/02/2022 13:23

Yes, extremely gently, at around 4/5 months I think. He was left to cry 3 times for literally minutes and if he didn't go to sleep by the third time we got him up. The nurse visitor wrote instructions out in his blue/red? book (I had one baby in Oz and one in UK so cant remember!) He was sleeping peacefully after only a few days. Before that he WOULD NOT be put down even when sleeping so it was a miracle and a lifesaver

confuseddotcom1234 · 05/02/2022 13:28

Did with both mine at different post a for different reason and for slightly different ways. My eldest was a fab sleeper until he was about 20 months then went through a stage of being really difficult to get to go to bed at night and this gradually turned into the naps being a battle too. One evening we had enough so one of us sat in there and just kept laying him down gradually he stopped getting up and I read from my kindle but continued to stay until he was asleep, the first night it took just over an hour nothing the second night 20 minutes the third 5 minutes and never looked back, he now gets up when his gro clock is yellow ( unless he needs at wee) at almost 4. My second was a shocking sleeper from the beginning, going down not a problem just up a lot in the end at 13 months we decided to cut out his 2/3 feed again went in to check he wasn't wet/ dirty and had his dummy gave him a cuddle and laid him down and left then gradually stretched out how long between going in. Took 2 nights and he weaned himself off his 10/11 feed too and has slept through since. Many ppl think it's an awful thing to do but for us it's worked and both can settle themselves and sleep well which is good for them

Boombastic22 · 05/02/2022 13:31

Yes I did, both kids exclusively breastfed, strictly on nap times, woke them up, fed them regularly. They did not cry there endlessly because they were in a rhythm ahd we were consistent.

They are both now at school and still sleep fantastically. Never had to co sleep they self settle and are brilliant at bedtime.

updownroundandround · 05/02/2022 13:33

@babyjellyfish

Of course you're NOT being unreasonable to ask that ! (And it's only an idiot that would consider the asking of a question 'unreasonable' ffs ! Isn't a forum to enable us to ask any question to something we're thinking about or worried about the whole point of MN ?? Hmm)

But because any form of 'sleep training' is currently 'unfashionable', you will definitely get most answers from people who are invested in todays 'fashionable' ideas about infant sleeping etc

I can tell you that you will choose to do what you consider the best for your baby, which is the right thing to do, regardless of what methods are currently 'in vogue'.

And I can also tell you, that generations of babies have been brought up by very differing 'methods', and that all of them have, at one point in time, been seen as the most 'current' and 'progressive'.

So............you do you, and ignore other peoples 'opinions' when it's not what works for you ! (And don't discuss what you're doing/planning to do with people who you already know have differing views either !)

afrika · 05/02/2022 13:35

Yes, both kids. At about 11 months. In both cases because they seemed keen on waking and crying all night regardless of whether they were in with us or not. Worked pretty well for them & us - all of our sleep dramatically improved!

ItsSunnyOutside · 05/02/2022 13:36

No.

Controlled crying is not something I have or would ever feel comfortable doing.

There are different methods of 'sleep training' though, not all are as full on as CC.

MondayYogurt · 05/02/2022 13:45

Yes 8mo, very gently and with no crying. Life changing.

Porcupineintherough · 05/02/2022 13:46

Yes both, at around 10 months. Worked brilliantly for ds1, not so well w ds2 who would regress after each bout of teething.

For us it was about me not feeding them every 2 hours through the night (ie they were waking up and needing the breast to get back to sleep). So what we did was that, when they cried they got dad w a bottle of water instead. He'd stay with them, cuddle them, comfort them as long as they liked but no milk. They were outraged, so lots of crying the first night (them and me) but no crying alone. After 3 nights they decided he wasnt worth waking up for an started sleeping through.

rainyskylight · 05/02/2022 13:49

Yes. It was fine. She was mainly just pissed off that she wasn’t getting her own way. If she sounded properly distressed I would go in. I started it when I realised she was waking up for boob and cuddles just for the sake of it. I need to earn money to keep her in peekaboo books, and I need sleep to work.

When she started nursery she was able to settle and sleep for naps from the second week.

She’s 15 months old and only wakes if she’s ill or teething, when I cuddle her back to sleep.

When I’m doing bed time and she is mega tired she actually pushes me away after cuddles and squirms when she really wants to sleep, because she wants her own space and own bed.

fullofpips · 05/02/2022 13:57

No. Sleep is developmental.

Mwnci123 · 05/02/2022 14:02

Yes. No regrets.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 05/02/2022 14:15

YANBU to ask but the majority will say don't do it here.

I didn't do cry it out and never even would. I agree with pp that its horrific and very cruel.

What I did was feed my baby to sleep for ages every time he woke. Once he was around 9 months old we decided he didn't need more milk so for a few days decided to refuse milk and stay with him. So when he cried I'd go in and place my hand on his chest so he knew I was there but I didn't offer a bottle. I gently shushed but didn't pick him up.

So he learned that he wasn't alone and would be comforted but there was no more milk or cuddles as it was time to sleep.

It took a few days but eventually he realised he wasn't getting milk at night.

I think my way is a world away from cry it out though.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/02/2022 14:22

My bottle refusing baby woke every 90 min to comfort feed. I lasted 7 months before we got a sleep trainer. They did the disappearing chair method. PM me if you want any details

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/02/2022 14:26

Oh and they still cried when they were ill etc and we would get up with them or bring them in with us, it wasn't a case of them 'thinking there was no point in crying as they knew we wouldn't respond'. More a case of breaking the habit of needing feeding to self settle between sleep cycles

T00Ts · 05/02/2022 14:50

I didn’t, not only because I was somehow given a child that set through on his own from eight weeks old. Magic. But had he not done that, I absolutely would have sleep trained. Sleep is important and I had no designs on co-sleeping. Just to lend some rare support, MN is quite anti any kind of sleep training. 🙄

FourChimneys · 05/02/2022 14:55

DD was sleep trained in a fairly gentle way. I was broken with sleep deprivation, it made us all feel so much better.

As a well adjusted young adult, DD thinks it is funny that she is supposed to be affected by it. She once pointed out she couldn't remember anything about it but lots of nice things had happened since.