Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if you sleep trained your baby

411 replies

babyjellyfish · 05/02/2022 11:12

What approach did you take, how old was your baby and how successful was it?

Looking for a range of views and experiences.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Awrite · 05/02/2022 12:28

Didn't with dc1. She was a good sleeper from the off.

Dc2 was completely different. Started sleep training from about 8 months.

OfstedOffred · 05/02/2022 12:29

I did with my first, gently, as a gradual process between 4 and 8 months. Between 4-6 was more preparatory really, I would say the proper sleep training bit (going cold turkey on rocking/patting etc) was around 7m.

He is a fantastic sleeper and a bright happy boy with whom we have a fabulous close relationship. There was not much crying involved.

With my second we had a complicated first few months which meant we put off doing it far too long.

We have found that sleep training approaches, especially gradual methods, simply don't work anywhere near as well with stubborn older toddlers, by the time a child is 2 sleep habits are entrenched and children are very change resistant. Plus an older child simply is more able to stay awake and fight you, plus won't as easily accept other forms of comfort such as music, cuddly toys, dummies/thumb sucking.

Whilst it's much better than it was, she is a much worse sleeper than my son and it has taken us months to make the sort of progress we made in about 2 weeks with my son. If I could turn the clock back and be a bit braver sleep training her younger, my god I would.

Peasandcabbage · 05/02/2022 12:30

I'm never sure the purpose of such a post in AIBU. There's a sleep section, hundreds of threads on this. Lots from very broken people. I was one of them at one stage.

You don't seem to be asking for help or detailing why you need to ask here. Cynical but looks like lazy journalism.

shivawn · 05/02/2022 12:33

No but if my baby is still a terrible sleeper in 4-5 months time when I'm going back to work then I'll have to.

Theres a good thread over on the Sleep forum if you haven't seen it OP.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/4468336-those-who-have-done-controlled-crying

OfstedOffred · 05/02/2022 12:36

Oh and for all the people who think its barbaric and you are "leaving them to cry themselves to sleep" - erm no.

We realised DD knew exactly what she was doing when I was doing bedtime alone and had to leave her a few mins because DS had a nosebleed. She was about 20m old, she kicked off big time. After about 3 months of wailing/screaming etc, she stopped and started chatting happily to her cuddly toys. Hmm she did not fall asleep in distress, she just nodded off a few minutes later with 3 or 4 cuddly toys around her.

OfstedOffred · 05/02/2022 12:36

3 minutes not 3 months of wailing

Thatsplentyjack · 05/02/2022 12:38

@Mojoj

Yes and it works. I have no sympathy for parents who complain about lack of sleep due to their kids not sleeping. Yes, sleep training can be very difficult. But it works and, as far as I know, doesn't turn your kids into sociopaths, due to their parents "ignoring" them when they cry🤣🤣🤣🤣
Why is it very difficult?
Nsmum14 · 05/02/2022 12:41

I would not. I could not. Gabor Mate talks wisely and succinctly about this, when talking about the needs of children under 3. Worth a look if you have a moment.

MatildaTheCat · 05/02/2022 12:43

Both of mine were fairly decent sleepers other than when unwell etc. I honestly believe that it’s partly luck but also from birth I put them down to sleep when they were still awake so they knew nothing else. We also had quite set routines from very early.

Thatsplentyjack · 05/02/2022 12:43

Agree. People would rather complain about no sleep than do anything about it too. As for causing mental damage what a load of shit, MN is crazy at times.

And you know it's a load of shit how?

danadas · 05/02/2022 12:44

No it wasn't for us.

I don't believe some of the wilder claims but as a general principle if something feels wrong/uncomfortable then I listen to that.

emilyintheSE · 05/02/2022 12:44

No. Never.

Training your baby to sleep, bloody hell Confused

But if you're on your knees with sleep deprivation and see no other choice, then who am I to judge.

Frazzledbutcalm · 05/02/2022 12:45

No. Instead, I had a very good, strict timing, bedtime routine for my 4 from being newborns. They all slept great. That’s all you need imo.

AlexaShutUp · 05/02/2022 12:46

No, and I'm glad we didn't.

Notwithittoday · 05/02/2022 12:46

No. There’s no way mine would put up with being left to cry for any length of time. If your baby wakes up in the dark, confused and upset leaving them crying and alone even intermittently is not something I could do.

Lazypuppy · 05/02/2022 12:46

Yep we did controlled crying at 5 months, only took about 3 nights and that was it.

Notwithittoday · 05/02/2022 12:47

And I say this as someone with two poor sleepers so I know sleep deprivation is hard.

Stringervest · 05/02/2022 12:48

Yes. Controlled crying for both. DD at about 9 months and DS at 7 months. Both sleep well now, although call us when needed for things like bad dreams or illness. They are happy and secure. I would do it again if I had another baby.

lioncitygirl · 05/02/2022 12:49

No. None of the mums I know did it either but that doesn’t mean it’s not right for you. My daughter was shit at sleeping but I wouldn’t have been able to leave a screaming child for my own sake - no matter how bad it got for me. My son was a great sleeper. Good luck with what you choose.

Original poster
babyjellyfish · 05/02/2022 12:50

@Peasandcabbage

I'm never sure the purpose of such a post in AIBU. There's a sleep section, hundreds of threads on this. Lots from very broken people. I was one of them at one stage.

You don't seem to be asking for help or detailing why you need to ask here. Cynical but looks like lazy journalism.

Not a journalist.

I posted here because parents who are now getting a full night's sleep are probably not looking at the sleep section!

OP posts:
FTEngineerM · 05/02/2022 12:53

People would rather complain about no sleep than do anything about it too

I agree. It’s because of comments like the ones on this thread 🤭😮. It’s like a martyr competition, who can be the tiredest 😂

Literally nobody is going to leave their baby crying for prolonged periods.

We NEED sleep, good quality sleep, to function as human beings. Letting comments like ‘it’s barbaric’ ‘imagine doing that on purpose’ guide your parenting choices would be ridiculous.

What you SHOULD imagine is spending 3+ hours every single night for months on end trying to get your baby to sleep with all the usual cuddles/skin on skin/songs/books/routines and then finding out they actually need to be left alone to go to sleep on their own in peace.
Fuck, that was a blow to take let me tell you.

One night, 12 minutes of crying (broken up) and it’s saved 3+ hours every.. single.. night.

Gone to sleep fantastically ever since unless teething/ill at which point he cries and we go and soothe him immediately.

Sexnotgender · 05/02/2022 12:55

No. But I was very careful to separate feeding from sleeping from about 3 months. I put her down wide awake every night and she just goes to sleep. She’s nearly 10 months old now.

PamelaDoov · 05/02/2022 12:56

Five and a half months. Ferber method. Worked within a day. No regrets, best decision for both of us.

Flaxmeadow · 05/02/2022 12:57

No no no.
Why would you leave anyone alone in distress, especially a baby. Its cruel

ChristmasFluff · 05/02/2022 12:59

I really don't believe that ignoring a crying baby is a good thing, so no - not in that sense.

But I did begin 'training' right from birth that night time was different to day time. I had a 20watt bulb in my bedside lamp which I would use when Son would wake up in the night. I would feed, change nappy and comfort as needed - but I didn't interact - no prolonged eye contact, no playing, no chatting.

I didn't worry too much about breastfeeding to sleep, but as he got older, the routine naturally changed to feed, story, bed. He always had his own bed/moses basket.

He was a terrible sleeper for 8 weeks, then got better slowly and by 5 months was only waking for feeds. Great sleeper from about 8 months up to the present day (age 20).