AIBU to ask if you sleep trained your baby

[babyjellyfish]

What approach did you take, how old was your baby and how successful was it?

Looking for a range of views and experiences.

Thank you.

@3luckystars

🎉🎉🎉

@babyjellyfish I did full on cry it out for 2 hours at a stretch for a couple of nights.

PM me if you want details: my son’s stubbornness is a reflection of my own and I needed to show him who was boss (hint: it’s not him).

Giraffe but we all find parenting different ... the wonderful thing for me was that I had a baby who slept happily from 7pm to 7am .

Yes I sleep trained at 3 months old using the chair method (I used a sleep consultant) best thing I did as rocking her to sleep would take up to 2 hours with failed transfers. Rocking to sleep was clearly not the best method for her and she cried anyway so allowing her to cry when sleep training was no different really. Plus her crying was more a frustrated cry rather than upset. It was hard to do bit worth it.
She is now 7 months old and sleeps through the night. If she wakes up, she has a quick chat with herself and goes back to sleep.
She is such a happy baby because she gets the sleep she needs and my mental health is so much better as I get the sleep I need.

@Mummysparrow snap.

Little ones app is great! I did their sleep training method, which was very effective!

Yes I did. She cried less than a normal night of trying to help her sleep and has slept 12 hours a night ever since for the last 4 years. It was life changing and I’d do it again.

No.

Not judging others choices but if seems that the folk who did let their babies cry it out are justifying it to themselves.

Each to their own. But no.

Absolutely not justifying it to myself @CafeConLechePorFavor : no way.

It was the best thing for us as a family, hands down, and we never looked back. Confident in my approach, that’s all. My son needed to learn how to fall asleep unaided, same as we will need to potty train. Some kids get potty training almost intuitively and some need more help. Same with sleep.

And, interestingly, the potty training method we are going to follow recommends you get sleep nailed before you begin potty training.

Sleep training does not teach babies not to have needs, it just teaches them not to continue expressing their needs. It breaks the link between a baby signalling that they need help and an adult responding. Personally that's nor what I want for my children.

Ds1 seemed to have no problem expressing his needs

@jgjgjgjgjg to a certain extent it does, actually. It teaches them they dont need anyone else to get back to sleep between sleep cycles. It's called self settling, really useful skill.

Yup... Did gradual retreat for about a month from 9.5 months made bedtime easier but didn't fix the night wakings. Then night weaned whig was pretty easy and took maybe a week, but also didn't fix the night wakings.
Finally controlled crying at about 10.5 months, 49 mins crying the first night, 29 the second, and that's all. She's slept through for11/12 hrs from the first night, it's been about a month now.

My only regret is not doing it sooner! We tried at about 7 months and I caved after a minute of crying!

I was following a few "gentle sleep" people on Instagram who are all about not sleep training, saying lots of waking is normal etc... And it actually makes me quite angry - I feel lied to, like I could have been sleeping all this time.

It's made such a difference, I have the energy to work well, me and DH have our evenings back!

Sleep training does not teach babies not to have needs, it just teaches them not to continue expressing their needs. It breaks the link between a baby signalling that they need help and an adult responding

You obviously really believe that - but do you think that those mothers that did do it now have children they’re not close to, who won’t go to their parents for love and attention? When it was the norm for babies to be left for four hours between feeds - the horror the average 21st century mum would feel if they were asked to do that - but realistically, do are parents have any memory or upset around that? And clearly I’m not talking about neglect like the Romanian orphanages of the 90s - I’m talking about normal, being able to step away from your child without feeling some sort of guilt or shame.

I did a gradual retreat thing with my third - I had three year old twins and a full time job and I needed to sleep. Sure he didn’t like it (he was 14 months old) but by the third day he was quite willing and able to go to sleep on his own after a cuddle and a story. He’s ten now - not only does he not remember that at all, but I have a fabulous, really close relationship with both him and his brothers (who to be fair, I actually can’t remember what I did with them).

Allowing a baby to cry is not the same as making a baby cry. I agree with those that say parents who won’t try any form of sleep training are martyring themselves for no good reason - they’re also the types that won’t put the baby down while they have a five minute shower or brush their teeth and then are upset they never have time to do anything.

@Scrunchies

Most of MN doesn’t agree with sleep training. That doesn’t mean it is wrong. There are some good Facebook groups which might help you, that have a different audience.

Personally I did, it was life changing, and I would do it again. But people here will say it’s child abuse 🤷‍♀️

I did. And will do it again. Totally worth it. I have the happiest pre schooler we could ask for. Sleep trained her around 9 months and changed everyone's sleep for the best. Give you child the gift of sleep. Best gift ever. My daughter loves sleeping. It was shit before, when she needed us to fall asleep. And it was shit during the two weeks we sleep trained. But now we have a child who looks forward to bed and falls asleep by herself.

[quote Piglet89]@babyjellyfish I did full on cry it out for 2 hours at a stretch for a couple of nights.

PM me if you want details: my son’s stubbornness is a reflection of my own and I needed to show him who was boss (hint: it’s not him).[/quote]
Babies sleep for better part of the day/night in utero. They don't need teaching how to sleep, they are born with that ability.

And more importantly, they are not manipulative. I'm beyond exasperated at the second part of your comment.

[quote Piglet89]@babyjellyfish I did full on cry it out for 2 hours at a stretch for a couple of nights.

PM me if you want details: my son’s stubbornness is a reflection of my own and I needed to show him who was boss (hint: it’s not him).[/quote]
I hadn't read this comment when I posted. I'm not entirely convinced that you didn't just make your profile to jump on this thread to ruffle feathers. I won't bite. But no words can express what I think of this.

@MammaBear18 seriously? Exasperated? Why the fuck would you care what I do with my family?

And they absolutely do need to be taught how to sleep - at least to a pattern that roughy matches that of the adults who are their caregivers, so those caregivers don’t end up zombies who lose their jobs or, worse, lives, because they’re so bloody exhausted.

Not training as such but every night did same routine. Bath, bottle book and bed awake. Slept through the night at 10 weeks and 14 weeks old and we never looked back. Occasionally up but nothing mad and usually went back after a bottle. . Best thing we did with the 2 of them.

@CafeConLechePorFavor I didn’t do it to ruffle feathers - this is genuinely my parenting approach - unfashionable tho it be, nowadays.

I posted to show the OP that a different approach from all the (erroneous) “5 mins crying causes irreversible brain damage” approach is available.

I found the Emily Oster book “Crib Sheets” helpful for understanding the evidence behind sleep training versus not. Our GP (and all of my doctor and therapist friends!) were all fiercely in the sleep training camp.

I hesitated to sleep train my eldest, but eventually did at 7 months when I was heading back to work and couldn’t hand the sleep deprivation anymore. It was such a non-event. 3 nights and done, always checked on her every few minutes, she never cried longer than about 30 minutes. She was sooooo much better rested afterwards - HER mood noticeably improved, let alone mine!

I then sleep trained DC2 at 6 months, and DC3 at 4 months. Life with my babies is enjoyable now. I’m not just scraping by in sheer exhaustion. And I promise you, we’re fully “bonded”. I’ve done extended breastfeeding until toddlerhood, I carried them in a cloth carrier, we did baby led weaning, we talk about feelings hahaha I’m totally an “attachment parent”… but we SLEEP, and it’s glorious!

Day after day my then 10 month old woke up 8 times between midnight and 8am. I used the Ferber method of sleep training (not cry it out) and within a week everyone slept soundly through the night, parents included. Life was suddenly a million times better. It was hard for two nights (much easier on night 3), but no more difficult than the constant waking from before then.

I also became a more responsive mother during the day. Judge me all you like for leaving my baby to cry, but damn it worked. She's now 2.25 and sleeps through the night every night. No issues.

@pregnantmummy22

So everyone who's against letting them cry. When you put them down at night and leave the room and they cry, do you ever leave them for a few minutes or do you go back immediately?

I mean more with older children from 12 months onwards, not babies.

Co slept until they happily went to bed without crying.

If
I had put them in a cot in a separate room and they cried, I would have gone immediately to them

Threads on this topic always split opinion with both sides arguing that theirs is "the best" etc.
I tried cosleeping - not a good result for me or my children. Routine and teaching them to go to sleep on their own meant they were happier, I was happier. Result. For other families though cosleeping would be a the better option, not for my dc or me.