To ask if this wedding invitation would annoy you?

[Limita]

The invitation is to a wedding 2.5 hours away from where most guests live, and will require an overnight stay. The save the date went out months ago, and accommodation was booked. The invitations have now gone out to say that only the bride and groom's immediate family will be invited to the ceremony, and the rest of the guests are invited to join them for a party afterwards.

Would this bother you?

YABU - this is rude and guests should have been told earlier
YANBU - getting married is a personal experience and it's the party people care about attending

No, not clear. Some people who haven't yet received their invitation don't know it's an evening event either.

BUT THE WHOLE THING IS AN EVENING EVENT! EVEN THE CEREMONY!

Aaargh. Stop looking for a reason to be offended. Just be glad you can drive up at your leisure.

I was once invited to my cousins wedding hundreds of miles away just for the reception... it just wasn't worth the cost or fuss to go so didn't go... amazed how many people did though. He got married where his wife is from, most of his family are around here. Many did just go for the reception. I personally couldn't be assed 😅

@saraclara

No, not clear. Some people who haven't yet received their invitation don't know it's an evening event either.

BUT THE WHOLE THING IS AN EVENING EVENT! EVEN THE CEREMONY!

Aaargh. Stop looking for a reason to be offended. Just be glad you can drive up at your leisure.

And people don't know the whole thing is on the evening. They don't know they aren't expected until the evening, they don't know they have all day to drive there, they don't know they're not invited to the ceremony. Or at least they didn't until the invitations started going out today.

When have I said that I'm offended?

Jeeze why don't people just ask, if they aren't comfortable to ask the question how close a friend are they?

You're only invited for the presents basically. That's why they aren't spending much money on you, the buffet is the cheap part after all.

They are completely unreasonable, rude as fuck and weird as hell.

I don't know why people get affronted by wedding invitations- like an invitation to anything that is inconvenient I would just make my apologies and decline

@amiafreakofnature

I don't know why people get affronted by wedding invitations- like an invitation to anything that is inconvenient I would just make my apologies and decline

But they have booked accommodations already, one assumes non refundable?

@Fennellathewitch

Jeeze why don't people just ask, if they aren't comfortable to ask the question how close a friend are they?

Ask what?

@Limita - I’m guessing you probably feel a bit miffed that the bride didn’t mention anything to you about their wedding being just an evening buffet? Especially as I’m guessing you’re a good friend of hers, as you mentioned you organised her hen do. Have you spoken to since receiving your invite to express your surprise?

I didn't realise that the couple getting married are obliged to provide a whole day of entertainment to those they invite.

The issue with this invitation isn't that those invited are getting a lesser experience than some other friends. Everyone apart from the parents and siblings is being treated equally. The only thing they're.missing is the ten minutes of legal stuff.

The only issue seems to be that the entire event takes place from early evening.
Personally I'd take that as a very considerate decision, bearing in mind that most gusts have to travel. It means that they don't have to get up early and rush to get dressed up and ready to leave. I'd appreciate it rather than complain.

the bride didn’t mention anything to you about their wedding being just an evening buffet?

Did we know it's a buffet? It's the only reception, so it might well be much more than the average evening do..

They should have said

I would either cancel if I can get my money back, or go early on the day, make a day of it there, including eating elsewhere in the evening, then going somewhere the following day and make a weekend of it that way

I would not be going to the wedding

@Chloemol

They should have said

I would either cancel if I can get my money back, or go early on the day, make a day of it there, including eating elsewhere in the evening, then going somewhere the following day and make a weekend of it that way

I would not be going to the wedding

Bloody hell there are some spiteful people on here.

All this couple has done is arrange their wedding for an evening (and just have their immediate family witness their vows).
And instead of having two tiers of guests.(something that MNers are forever moaning about) they're having one big party.

Wouldn't you think that MNers would actually appreciate that for once a couple has decided that all their friends should enjoy the same status, reception-wise? And that they've arranged the timing so that the travelling is less frantic?

@sadpapercourtesan

I'd think the B&G were shockingly self-absorbed and oblivious.

I wouldn't go, and I'd be fucking pissed off if I couldn't get refunds on the travel/clothing/gift/accommodation I'd already shelled out for.

This crazy syndrome of treating wedding guests like inanimate chess pieces has got to stop. There is no such thing as "your day". You are inviting your loved ones and friends to celebrate what is an important event for you. They are paying and giving up time to do this. It is nice of them. You need to be considerate and treat them with respect.

Exactly this.

A few thoughts: 1) I'd expect a save the date to be literally to make sure guests don't book anything else; I'd never book accommodation etc until I receive the actual invitation (and e don't live in the U.K. now so we have to book flights to family events). That said, I'd only expect to receive a save the date if I was being able invited to the whole wedding incl ceremony 2) there are still a lot if Covid disruptions to events which change from time to time, could it be they intended to have more people/everyone and then their venue limited numbers at the actual ceremony, or something? 3) if you're close enough friends to be invited to any of it, why don't you just tell them it's created an awkward situation and ask them why?

@saraclara but aren't they all relegated to B list guests by just going to an evening do

if you're close enough friends to be invited to any of it, why don't you just tell them it's created an awkward situation and ask them why?

What's awkward about it? It's a short day, that's all.
I for one, wouldn't dream of going up to the bride and demanding to know why I don't get treated the same way as her immediate family.
What's so wrong with taking your vows with only your.parents and siblings present anyway? It's their choice and I've no idea why anyone would be so offended by that and expect that level of detail on a save the date card. They might not even have made that decision when they sent it out..

[quote toomuchlaundry]@saraclara but aren't they all relegated to B list guests by just going to an evening do[/quote]
Not being the parents or siblings of the could is hardly being the B list.

Such resentment at the couple just wanting their immediate family present for that ten minutes. I simply cannot understand where the anger is coming from and why so many posters are saying that they'd refuse to go.

So did you book accommodation for two nights, when one would have been enough? It's annoying, yes, they've been thoughtless. If I was close enough to go on the Hen though, I would have asked about timings.

I also think they should have been clear with guests from the outset. For me it would matter if the accommodation booked is the same place as the venue? As that would make me feel like I was only invited to help fill the accommodation and lower the cost for the bride and groom.

I think the issue is that they asked people to save the date, and gave enough information about the wedding venue that people were booking accommodation, without giving the pretty crucial information about both the timing of events and the fact that people were not being invited to the wedding.

Either give that information in the Save the Date, or don't bother with Save the Dates, and get the invitations out early enough for people to be able to book accommodation if they wish to.

I do think it is weird that someone close enough to be asked to organise the hen do hasn't talked about the details of the wedding over the previous months though.

In my case in order to guarantee that I could attend I would have to book 2 days annual leave. I would for a wedding but not for what is essentially a party. If I'd been told in advance I wouldn't be annoyed I'd probably just decline. Finding out after I'd booked Al and accommodation I would be annoyed. The bride and groom should have made it clear on the save the date.

Why can’t everyone attend the ceremony? Especially as it’s straight in to the celebrations after the ceremony and everyone’s there already?

@VainAbigail

Why can’t everyone attend the ceremony? Especially as it’s straight in to the celebrations after the ceremony and everyone’s there already?

Because the couple want a more intimate ceremony with just their immediate family?

But apparently a wedding isn't worth celebrating if you don't witness the vows. Who knew?

I should probably have very belated words with my SIL and her DH, who got married in a register office with just two friends as witnesses, and had the reception with all of us, family and friends, the next day.
It was what they wanted. The reception was brilliant. Everyone was happy for them.