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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about changes to DPs stag

654 replies

Mizanined · 04/02/2022 14:55

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

So DPs stag do before our August wedding is planned for Easter, his two best men booked a dozen of them in an AirBnB at the seaside for a weekend, about an hour from where most of our group (bar one couple G and B) live and grew up.

About two years ago G moved away up to Newcastle to be with his gf B who is from there. Just after the booking was made B messaged the best men asking if the venue could be moved as seaside town was a long way for G to travel, and hard for him to get home from quickly if needed (they have an 18mo DS). DP wasn't really bothered as hes just looking forward to having everyone together in one place for the first time in ages, and is keen to just drink and play video games etc. As a group theyre not massively into big nights out etc so in the end the best men agreed to move it. However the only comparable accom. available was in the next town along from us, where the boys all went to college and where DP currently works.

In the last week B has started messaging our main group chat; it transpires her and the baby are also going to drive down and stay somewhere locally for the weekend. Bit weird but fine! One of the best men who lives in the stag town even offered her his house to stay in for free for the weekend (he lives alone).

B has now messaged the group saying she has booked a place for herself - essentially the annex of the place the boys are staying! It is seprarate to their cottage but sharing a driveway and possibly even an entrance! She has now somehow got herself added to the boys group chat and is heavily pushing to be involved in events, including asking if their meal on the Saturday can be moved forward so she and baby can come (which would involve moving the one big outdoor activity they have booked), and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Understandably the best men are getting a bit pissed off. DP to his credit is trying to be nice and just saying its fine, why not just turn it into a big group holiday etc but this just doesnt sit right with me for a few reasons:

  • The moving the venue to be easier for G is bollox because its barely 40 minutes difference
  • The new cottage does look lovely BUT its only the next town over from our home - seaside town would at least have been somewhere new to explore, opportunity for pubs / eating out etc but now if they want a pub etc it will basically the local places DP goes to all the time so won't be particularly special for him - AND to cap it off the new cottage is literally in the shadow of DPs work so it won't exactly feel like a holiday!
  • The boys won't exactly be taking cocaine and partying with strippers etc but a gf and baby just through the wall will totally change the dynamic!
  • Now starting to feel guilty about my own hen, which is about 3 weeks later and involves a beach weekend in a foreign country. Most of the guys gfs / wives etc are coming to this and the guys are all sucking up plans to solo parent etc for that weekend without complaint.

I guess I'm just feeling gutted for DP that this event, which is supposed to be special for him, has basically been completely taken over and am also a bit pissed off with B. I know its nothing to do with me really but AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mizanined · 04/02/2022 14:55

Apologies for typos I'm on phone!

OP posts:
Kbyodjs · 04/02/2022 15:01

Wow that is cheeky and quite odd; do you think there’s a reason she can’t be left on her own in some way?
It’s up to your DP obviously but can’t say I’d be very gracious about it if it was my weekend

Giraffesandbottoms · 04/02/2022 15:01

Your husband needs to put his foot down this is absurd. Who the fuck does this woman think she is?!

DistrictCommissioner · 04/02/2022 15:04

Yanbu.

Suzi888 · 04/02/2022 15:06

She wants to take a baby to a stag do? Hmm
She clearly doesn’t trust her partner in my opinion…. I can’t think of anything worse than attending a stag do and taking a baby with me (plain weird).

Someone needs to be removed from the group chat OR set up another chat.

Rosiiiiie · 04/02/2022 15:07

So strange. The child is also 18 months? I have a 2 week old AND a 5 yr old and DH is going to a 3 day stag in another country. A bit strange she can’t cope with her child alone for a weekend? As a PP suggested maybe there’s another reason but if your DP isn’t ok with the change of plans he should defo speak up!

museumum · 04/02/2022 15:07

Very weird but it’s for the best men to take up with G.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/02/2022 15:08

Does anyone actually know her well and can have a frank conversation? This could be anything from anxiety, long term PND, controlling partner (in either direction), he's cheated on a stag before, or just plain batshittery. And without talking to her, there's no way to tell exactly how unreasonable she's being.

MadgeMak · 04/02/2022 15:08

Sounds like she doesn't trust her partner and wants to keep tabs on him. Your husband needs to put his foot down here (although he should have put his foot down in the first instance when she asked to change the location), if he doesn't feel able to then he needs to defer to his best man to sort. What a cheeky fucker she is!

CorneliusVetch · 04/02/2022 15:09

This is an absolute piss take, and B isn’t much of a friend if he isn’t putting his foot down with his girlfriend. Would your DH feel comfortable saying actually it is a boys weekend, and can his girlfriend not fucking come and observe from next door? I appreciate it’s a difficult conversation to have but he would be within his rights.

IcicleIcicle · 04/02/2022 15:10

Not fair on your DP at all OP, someone (best man?) needs to be the bad guy here and insist they revert to plan A.

Furbulousnous · 04/02/2022 15:12

That’s mad! But it is up to your DP to sort, though I would get on there and make it clear that you won’t be going to your DPs stag!

Furbulousnous · 04/02/2022 15:13

Well,
Actually his best men should sort this

Fairylightsongs · 04/02/2022 15:13

Either there is a reason she can’t be left alone, or she thinks he’s going to be shagging so is now deeply controlling and forcing her way in.

Either way your bloke needs to find his balls and talk to his friend.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/02/2022 15:14

That is batshit and so bang out of order of her. Someone (collectively if easier) need to tell her to fuck off.

TruffleShuffles · 04/02/2022 15:14

The best men need to deal with this, I would start by having a chat with G to explain this situation is unacceptable. If he won’t deal with it then I would give him the ultimatum that he comes alone or doesn’t come at all.

Vampiremockumentary · 04/02/2022 15:17

Poor G.

ZenNudist · 04/02/2022 15:17

No it's not fair. DH gets one stag.

Stonerosie67 · 04/02/2022 15:20

Absolutely not fair at all. No way should she be there, and somebody needs to be telling her this straightaway. Her presence would totally change the dynamics.... can't believe it has even got this far. It should've been nipped in the bud immediately.

LagunaBubbles · 04/02/2022 15:23

Be pissed off at your DP for letting this nonsense get to the stage it has!

Original poster
Mizanined · 04/02/2022 15:26

Tbf to the best men I think they have talked to G/B and basically been told G could only come if they moved it - they haven't seen each other in the 2 odd years since he moved away so I think they were prepared to go along with it

OP posts:
JustLyra · 04/02/2022 15:27

The best men need to have a word with G and tell him he either needs to leave the GF and baby at home or pull out. That’s bloody ridiculous.

Original poster
Mizanined · 04/02/2022 15:27

B is pleasant enough normally (only met her a few times) but does seem to have a habit of being pushy where G is concerned. G is the nicest guy ever and seriously can't imagine him cheating etc!

OP posts:
Heyahun · 04/02/2022 15:31

nuts he pulls out or he coems leaving girlfriend behind

JustLyra · 04/02/2022 15:31

Is B going on your hen do?

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