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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about changes to DPs stag

654 replies

Mizanined · 04/02/2022 14:55

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

So DPs stag do before our August wedding is planned for Easter, his two best men booked a dozen of them in an AirBnB at the seaside for a weekend, about an hour from where most of our group (bar one couple G and B) live and grew up.

About two years ago G moved away up to Newcastle to be with his gf B who is from there. Just after the booking was made B messaged the best men asking if the venue could be moved as seaside town was a long way for G to travel, and hard for him to get home from quickly if needed (they have an 18mo DS). DP wasn't really bothered as hes just looking forward to having everyone together in one place for the first time in ages, and is keen to just drink and play video games etc. As a group theyre not massively into big nights out etc so in the end the best men agreed to move it. However the only comparable accom. available was in the next town along from us, where the boys all went to college and where DP currently works.

In the last week B has started messaging our main group chat; it transpires her and the baby are also going to drive down and stay somewhere locally for the weekend. Bit weird but fine! One of the best men who lives in the stag town even offered her his house to stay in for free for the weekend (he lives alone).

B has now messaged the group saying she has booked a place for herself - essentially the annex of the place the boys are staying! It is seprarate to their cottage but sharing a driveway and possibly even an entrance! She has now somehow got herself added to the boys group chat and is heavily pushing to be involved in events, including asking if their meal on the Saturday can be moved forward so she and baby can come (which would involve moving the one big outdoor activity they have booked), and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Understandably the best men are getting a bit pissed off. DP to his credit is trying to be nice and just saying its fine, why not just turn it into a big group holiday etc but this just doesnt sit right with me for a few reasons:

  • The moving the venue to be easier for G is bollox because its barely 40 minutes difference
  • The new cottage does look lovely BUT its only the next town over from our home - seaside town would at least have been somewhere new to explore, opportunity for pubs / eating out etc but now if they want a pub etc it will basically the local places DP goes to all the time so won't be particularly special for him - AND to cap it off the new cottage is literally in the shadow of DPs work so it won't exactly feel like a holiday!
  • The boys won't exactly be taking cocaine and partying with strippers etc but a gf and baby just through the wall will totally change the dynamic!
  • Now starting to feel guilty about my own hen, which is about 3 weeks later and involves a beach weekend in a foreign country. Most of the guys gfs / wives etc are coming to this and the guys are all sucking up plans to solo parent etc for that weekend without complaint.

I guess I'm just feeling gutted for DP that this event, which is supposed to be special for him, has basically been completely taken over and am also a bit pissed off with B. I know its nothing to do with me really but AIBU?

OP posts:
changewwible · 04/02/2022 15:34

B is being a twat.

But she might have full PFB brain and not realise. Her partner needs to tell her to lay off.

changewwible · 04/02/2022 15:36

I agree that G needs to be uninvited to the stag if B thinks she can latch on and bring her toddler.

And I'd say no to her joining the meal or any other stag activity.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/02/2022 15:39

I agree it’s ridiculous. It’s a stag do! It’s not a family holiday.

She clearly just doesn’t want to be left with the baby, but that’s between her and G - he can go or not go, but not bring them with!

Someone needs to have a word with G but it doesn’t need to be you - I’d leave them to sort it and not get involved!

GrandTheftWalrus · 04/02/2022 15:41

Is G going on your hen weekend? Is she the type that doesn't let him do anything yet she can do what she wants?

ProudThrilledHappy · 04/02/2022 15:44

Someone in the group needs to step up and state “sorry B this is a stag, partners and children are not invited”

Livpool · 04/02/2022 15:45

B is completely controlling and I would be telling her to piss off. Either she doesn't come or G bows out shortly. Can't believe how much of the stag do has been changed to suit them

Andylion · 04/02/2022 15:45

and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Has she contacted you about this at all? I’d say, no way am I going to my DH’s stag, that’s ridiculous. She needs to be told.

ShirleyPhallus · 04/02/2022 15:46

Hilarious, who brings a baby to a stag do?! Or their missus?!

minipie · 04/02/2022 15:48

In your shoes I would be contacting the organisers and say “look DP is trying to be nice and not cause ructions but he really wanted a guys trip for his stag, can you tell B to back off please.”

GillianB2990 · 04/02/2022 15:49

Definitely not fair on your DP, but I also feel sorry for G because his GF clearly doesn't trust him. I would be mortified if I was him tbh with her messaging the group chat and staying where they will be.

Someone needs to tell her to back off! I'm sorry but I'm sure she has friends/family she could rely on if she can't cope for the weekend. Why on earth would she want to tag along on a stag do with a baby anyway! The mind boggles 🤯

ShadowPuppets · 04/02/2022 15:50

That is batshit. Agreed, best men need to speak to G. Totally mad. DH is off on a stag next weekend 4 hours drive from us - me and our 18mo will wave him off happily! Yes it’s shit solo parenting but I’m off to the equivalent hen next month and frankly I can’t imagine anything worse than gatecrashing the one he’s going to.

GettingThemFromHereToThere · 04/02/2022 15:50

YANBU.

She needs to grow up and leave the man to enjoy the stag. As I'd hope he'd do for her if she had the opportunity for a break away.

It's a bit embarrassing and I'm surprised she hasn't felt silly for orchestrating the whole thing. It's like his mum or something.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/02/2022 15:50

Your dp needs to say to G "mate, this is getting ridiculous. Either you come alone, or not at all"

Pedalpushers · 04/02/2022 15:51

I'd actually message her myself, telling her that DP only gets one stag and wanted it to be boys only, and that it is cheeky of her to invite herself and then try to change all the plans to make her own personal holiday. Tell the whatsapp owner to kick her out, your poor DP must feel so awkward trying to keep people happy.

Luckylemonade · 04/02/2022 15:53

G needs to get a grip and start placing boundaries, this sounds absolutely awful.

I would be mightly pissed off at someone's mrs ruining my DP stag do. And inviting themselves and baby along - how weird!

Yuckypretty · 04/02/2022 15:55

Your DP needs to be more assertive. It's his stag do not his best man's.

SoItWas · 04/02/2022 15:55

B needs to be told she can arrange a group night another time, but that this is your dp's night, and he'll be sticking to his original plan (the one made to accommodate G the first time). She also needs to be told not to take her baby anywhere near the "stags", G needs to leave the group and meet dp elsewhere.

She sounds unhinged. Who threatens to gatecrash a mates stag party, with a baby in tow Confused

BattenbergdowntheHatches · 04/02/2022 15:55

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

ambushedbywine · 04/02/2022 15:56

G is being unreasonable (as of course is B).

I think the best men need to confront G.

If he can only come in these circumstances (which is weird but his decision) he needs to pull out.

Mariposista · 04/02/2022 15:59

She sounds needy and pathetic. Stag dos are for men!!!!

Fairylightsongs · 04/02/2022 16:00

@Mariposista

She sounds needy and pathetic. Stag dos are for men!!!!
Or controlling,,,,
MinnieMountain · 04/02/2022 16:08

Stag and hen dos are for friends.

DH had 3 women friends at his. The person he didn’t have was BIL’s then DP who tried to insist on coming (to be fair she probably had valid concerns about BIL cheating, but her presence would have caused an atmosphere so BIL told her she couldn’t come).

Hankunamatata · 04/02/2022 16:14

The guys need to man up if they dont want her there and say

Dishwashersaurous · 04/02/2022 16:14

This is so awful. Your partner needs to step up and say no.

AnEpisodeOfEastenders · 04/02/2022 16:17

Run for the hills G.