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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about changes to DPs stag

654 replies

Mizanined · 04/02/2022 14:55

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

So DPs stag do before our August wedding is planned for Easter, his two best men booked a dozen of them in an AirBnB at the seaside for a weekend, about an hour from where most of our group (bar one couple G and B) live and grew up.

About two years ago G moved away up to Newcastle to be with his gf B who is from there. Just after the booking was made B messaged the best men asking if the venue could be moved as seaside town was a long way for G to travel, and hard for him to get home from quickly if needed (they have an 18mo DS). DP wasn't really bothered as hes just looking forward to having everyone together in one place for the first time in ages, and is keen to just drink and play video games etc. As a group theyre not massively into big nights out etc so in the end the best men agreed to move it. However the only comparable accom. available was in the next town along from us, where the boys all went to college and where DP currently works.

In the last week B has started messaging our main group chat; it transpires her and the baby are also going to drive down and stay somewhere locally for the weekend. Bit weird but fine! One of the best men who lives in the stag town even offered her his house to stay in for free for the weekend (he lives alone).

B has now messaged the group saying she has booked a place for herself - essentially the annex of the place the boys are staying! It is seprarate to their cottage but sharing a driveway and possibly even an entrance! She has now somehow got herself added to the boys group chat and is heavily pushing to be involved in events, including asking if their meal on the Saturday can be moved forward so she and baby can come (which would involve moving the one big outdoor activity they have booked), and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Understandably the best men are getting a bit pissed off. DP to his credit is trying to be nice and just saying its fine, why not just turn it into a big group holiday etc but this just doesnt sit right with me for a few reasons:

  • The moving the venue to be easier for G is bollox because its barely 40 minutes difference
  • The new cottage does look lovely BUT its only the next town over from our home - seaside town would at least have been somewhere new to explore, opportunity for pubs / eating out etc but now if they want a pub etc it will basically the local places DP goes to all the time so won't be particularly special for him - AND to cap it off the new cottage is literally in the shadow of DPs work so it won't exactly feel like a holiday!
  • The boys won't exactly be taking cocaine and partying with strippers etc but a gf and baby just through the wall will totally change the dynamic!
  • Now starting to feel guilty about my own hen, which is about 3 weeks later and involves a beach weekend in a foreign country. Most of the guys gfs / wives etc are coming to this and the guys are all sucking up plans to solo parent etc for that weekend without complaint.

I guess I'm just feeling gutted for DP that this event, which is supposed to be special for him, has basically been completely taken over and am also a bit pissed off with B. I know its nothing to do with me really but AIBU?

OP posts:
Lorw · 04/02/2022 16:18

This actually is absolutely batshit. 😱

Iamnotamermaid · 04/02/2022 16:18

G &/or best men need to step in and sort this out with B. This is not fair on your DP.

B clearly has some sort of issue with G going on a stag night which needs to be addressed.

Hawkins001 · 04/02/2022 16:18

There's more context and perspectives needed from all sides

sillysmiles · 04/02/2022 16:19

and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Has she said this in a group chat that you are in? Can you respond and put her back in her box?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/02/2022 16:21

@Hawkins001

There's more context and perspectives needed from all sides
What other context or perspectives do you need? What is justifiable to you for a woman and her child to gatecrash her boyfriends friends stag weekend?
Original poster
Mizanined · 04/02/2022 16:22

B is now posting in my Hen group chat asking who is free to meet up that weekend...

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/02/2022 16:23

Is she invited on your hen?

bitchinofhitchen · 04/02/2022 16:23

You need to stop her now. Someone needs to speak up and sounds like no one else is doing it

rookiemere · 04/02/2022 16:23

Yes if you've been mentioned, good opportunity to join the chat and say "Absolutely not, otherwise DP will be wanting to come on my hen do ! Sorry but I think DP should be able to have the stag do he wants with his mates."

TheCraicDealer · 04/02/2022 16:25

Right then you say "oh that's the weekend of DP's stag. I'm buzzing for him, he's so excited to have a proper catch up and beers with the boys, and I'm looking forward to having the house to myself and flaking in front of the telly all weekend!"

Shut that shit down.

Dishwashersaurous · 04/02/2022 16:25

Right, so actually you have the opening to sort this

Reply to B girlfriend and say, yes of course I'm free that weekend because it's the stag do and husband to be will be off having fun with his friends.

Then if she replies: oh shall we join the stag do, reply " don't be ridiculous it's his stag do, why on earth would he want girlfriends there. Ha, ha, ha that's hilarious.

Chamomileteaplease · 04/02/2022 16:25

Time for the men to man up!

rookiemere · 04/02/2022 16:25

Ah even easier if she has mentioned in in the hens chat. " No B its DPs stag do with his mates. Why would I want to go to that ?"

Original poster
Mizanined · 04/02/2022 16:25

Whats doing my head in is G is absolutely the nicest, sweetest, most considerate and polite guy you could ever meet (and most of the other guys are not far behind) - a few of us girls have had doubts about her since they got together, especially after she basically railroaded him into moving up North. TBF to her I think she was cheated on quite badly when she was younger, she had an on again / off again thing with her ex so I think gets paranoid about things like stag parties

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/02/2022 16:26

I'd reply to her "no plans apart from staying away from them all so they can enjoy some time without wives/girlfriends/kids"

Notimeforaname · 04/02/2022 16:27

Reply to her and say "No, it's his stag weekend. Id like to leave him to it. I have my hens to look forward to"

Ponoka7 · 04/02/2022 16:27

You need to answer in the group chat that it's the lads only. Another meeting up will be separate. So you could put something like "meet up so the lads are left to it, you mean?". G won't be present on that weekend, he'll be asked to help with the toddler etc. She will be knocking on the door and this needs stopping now. It shouldn't have been moved to were it is.

Pedalpushers · 04/02/2022 16:28

She needs to be told directly - these sorts of people don't respond to hinting. I would message back to the chat saying B, it's a stag weekend for the men and it's not your place to be inviting people to go along (including yourself) this isn't the stag DP wants and you need to stop spoiling it for them.

AllOfUsAreDead · 04/02/2022 16:28

G probably cheated on b. Or b is just nuts.

She needs to be told how inappropriate this and how stupid it is.

Notimeforaname · 04/02/2022 16:28

She's ridiculous. But gets away with it because people enable her and dont speak up.

Original poster
Mizanined · 04/02/2022 16:29

Best Man #1 has basically said exactly that in their group chat - B has basically said oh well sorry I've made the booking now and can't afford to lose the cancellation fee so theres not a lot I can do now! FFS

OP posts:
EmpressSuiko · 04/02/2022 16:29

I think I’d be putting my foot down with her and explaining that this is your DPs night, lads only just as yours is ladies only. Don’t let someone else ruin your plans, it’s the only stag/hen night that you’ll have!

Original poster
Mizanined · 04/02/2022 16:29

The annoying thing is the whole thing was meant to be a surprise for DP they weren't going to tell him anything other than we've found a new venue

OP posts:
SartresSoul · 04/02/2022 16:30

Not fair at all. Your DP and the other men need to put their foot down and let her know this can’t happen. If he wants to pull out as a result that’s his own choice. I have an 18 month old and 3 year old and I could cope with DH going away to a stag for a couple of nights. She doesn’t have newborn twins or something, 18 month old’s aren’t that difficult. Sounds like she’s being controlling tbh, by staying next door she knows her DH won’t be cheating or having strippers over. It’s really weird though, they all need to tell G this can’t happen.

Pedalpushers · 04/02/2022 16:31

Of course she can afford to lose it - it's paid whether she goes or not and going and paying the full amount will cost more? She needs to be told that it is not negotiable and if she decides to turn up anyway she isn't allowed to come to any meals or activities. Then don't tell G where any of them are.