AIBU about changes to DPs stag

[Mizanined]

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

So DPs stag do before our August wedding is planned for Easter, his two best men booked a dozen of them in an AirBnB at the seaside for a weekend, about an hour from where most of our group (bar one couple G and B) live and grew up.

About two years ago G moved away up to Newcastle to be with his gf B who is from there. Just after the booking was made B messaged the best men asking if the venue could be moved as seaside town was a long way for G to travel, and hard for him to get home from quickly if needed (they have an 18mo DS). DP wasn't really bothered as hes just looking forward to having everyone together in one place for the first time in ages, and is keen to just drink and play video games etc. As a group theyre not massively into big nights out etc so in the end the best men agreed to move it. However the only comparable accom. available was in the next town along from us, where the boys all went to college and where DP currently works.

In the last week B has started messaging our main group chat; it transpires her and the baby are also going to drive down and stay somewhere locally for the weekend. Bit weird but fine! One of the best men who lives in the stag town even offered her his house to stay in for free for the weekend (he lives alone).

B has now messaged the group saying she has booked a place for herself - essentially the annex of the place the boys are staying! It is seprarate to their cottage but sharing a driveway and possibly even an entrance! She has now somehow got herself added to the boys group chat and is heavily pushing to be involved in events, including asking if their meal on the Saturday can be moved forward so she and baby can come (which would involve moving the one big outdoor activity they have booked), and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Understandably the best men are getting a bit pissed off. DP to his credit is trying to be nice and just saying its fine, why not just turn it into a big group holiday etc but this just doesnt sit right with me for a few reasons:

• The moving the venue to be easier for G is bollox because its barely 40 minutes difference
• The new cottage does look lovely BUT its only the next town over from our home - seaside town would at least have been somewhere new to explore, opportunity for pubs / eating out etc but now if they want a pub etc it will basically the local places DP goes to all the time so won't be particularly special for him - AND to cap it off the new cottage is literally in the shadow of DPs work so it won't exactly feel like a holiday!
• The boys won't exactly be taking cocaine and partying with strippers etc but a gf and baby just through the wall will totally change the dynamic!
• Now starting to feel guilty about my own hen, which is about 3 weeks later and involves a beach weekend in a foreign country. Most of the guys gfs / wives etc are coming to this and the guys are all sucking up plans to solo parent etc for that weekend without complaint.

I guess I'm just feeling gutted for DP that this event, which is supposed to be special for him, has basically been completely taken over and am also a bit pissed off with B. I know its nothing to do with me really but AIBU?

@astoundedgoat

Exactly.

“What brings you to this neck of the woods? Absolutely not going near the lads on their big weekend - can you imagine? Lol. We’d be as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit!”

Oh yes. Maybe someone needs to make an 'innocent' comment in the hen group. 'Not coming along to stalk G I hope! lol'

You should message B and explain it’s not appropriate/fair.

YOU should phone B and ask her if she knows what a Stag Do is.

This is insane! Who actually has the nerve/cheek to do something like this

She's nuts!!

The hens should post that they will be at home looking after their dc so that their partners can have a fun boys weekend away from them and the normal weekend stuff

Poor G. B’s insane behaviour must be really humiliating for him. She is an absolute moron. What is she thinking of?! Her raging paranoia is clouding all rational thought.

Is it because of the two female friends that are joining the Stag's for dinner do you think?

Craziest thing is that no one had told her to wise up yet.

Tell her you can’t meet up because you are all busy with childcare that weekend given your other halves are on the stag!! And no, you are not willing to crash his party,

I suspect she’s now feeling a bit embarrassed and if she ropes the rest of you into meeting up/joining stag it justifies her batshit behaviour. Don’t do it.

She sounds controlling.

Someone really needs to tell G that either she doesn't come or he does in fact have to remove himself too. Can you not do that?

a few of us girls have had doubts about her since they got together, especially after she basically railroaded him into moving up North.

“Hey Mumsnet, I invite you to judge a woman I really don’t like, based on ever increasingly seemingly unreasonable things she is doing”

People do put up with such shite for the sake of politeness don’t they?

Of course the appropriate response to this ridiculousness is a flat no…but everyone is too polite to issue it…so she gets her way and everyone else seethes.

Politeness has a LOT to answer for.

My DH would be exactly the same as your DP OP, too damn polite for their own good and then they get rail roaded! I hope you get it sorted!

I mean, I know a ‘FUCK no!’ can offend but some people deserve to be offended.

I'd arrange an early meal away from them that she can go along to so they can still go ahead with their plans! Maybe a takeaway at one of yours so the 18 month old can relax, then organise her a taxi back!

@ZippyZap

I'd arrange an early meal away from them that she can go along to so they can still go ahead with their plans! Maybe a takeaway at one of yours so the 18 month old can relax, then organise her a taxi back!

No.

@ZippyZap

I'd arrange an early meal away from them that she can go along to so they can still go ahead with their plans! Maybe a takeaway at one of yours so the 18 month old can relax, then organise her a taxi back!

Why should they? She shouldn’t even be in the area!

* I think her partner needs to pull out. Clearly he has relationship issues that he needs to sort out, but in the short term he shouldn’t be letting it take over his friend’s stag.*

^This. The partner is shit friend allowing this nonsense to shadow the stag party.

It’s your husbands stag do, he can choose what happens it’s his weekend. It’s really nothing to do with you, stop stressing yourself out leave them to sort it out between themselves.

Whoever added her to the WhatsApp group needs to wise up as well.

And if it was G then group admin status needs to be removed (and for any group going forward so he can’t just add her).

I think you could ask her to double as the stripper as one hadn’t been booked yet :)))

It’s too much. Your OH needs to say no, not just for himself but for the benefit of the whole group, especially as they’re all spending money on the idea of x weekend and her coming will change the dynamic and it’s not fair on any them. Can’t believe her OH isn’t embarrassed and telling her to pack it in.

G does need to sort this to be honest. Some women are like this, I really don’t understand it.

I refuse to participate in stags. I’ve been invited to a couple where I’ve been close to the chap and just said “ahh that’s lovely of you but I’ll let you crack on and we’ll do something another time”