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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about changes to DPs stag

654 replies

Mizanined · 04/02/2022 14:55

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

So DPs stag do before our August wedding is planned for Easter, his two best men booked a dozen of them in an AirBnB at the seaside for a weekend, about an hour from where most of our group (bar one couple G and B) live and grew up.

About two years ago G moved away up to Newcastle to be with his gf B who is from there. Just after the booking was made B messaged the best men asking if the venue could be moved as seaside town was a long way for G to travel, and hard for him to get home from quickly if needed (they have an 18mo DS). DP wasn't really bothered as hes just looking forward to having everyone together in one place for the first time in ages, and is keen to just drink and play video games etc. As a group theyre not massively into big nights out etc so in the end the best men agreed to move it. However the only comparable accom. available was in the next town along from us, where the boys all went to college and where DP currently works.

In the last week B has started messaging our main group chat; it transpires her and the baby are also going to drive down and stay somewhere locally for the weekend. Bit weird but fine! One of the best men who lives in the stag town even offered her his house to stay in for free for the weekend (he lives alone).

B has now messaged the group saying she has booked a place for herself - essentially the annex of the place the boys are staying! It is seprarate to their cottage but sharing a driveway and possibly even an entrance! She has now somehow got herself added to the boys group chat and is heavily pushing to be involved in events, including asking if their meal on the Saturday can be moved forward so she and baby can come (which would involve moving the one big outdoor activity they have booked), and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Understandably the best men are getting a bit pissed off. DP to his credit is trying to be nice and just saying its fine, why not just turn it into a big group holiday etc but this just doesnt sit right with me for a few reasons:

  • The moving the venue to be easier for G is bollox because its barely 40 minutes difference
  • The new cottage does look lovely BUT its only the next town over from our home - seaside town would at least have been somewhere new to explore, opportunity for pubs / eating out etc but now if they want a pub etc it will basically the local places DP goes to all the time so won't be particularly special for him - AND to cap it off the new cottage is literally in the shadow of DPs work so it won't exactly feel like a holiday!
  • The boys won't exactly be taking cocaine and partying with strippers etc but a gf and baby just through the wall will totally change the dynamic!
  • Now starting to feel guilty about my own hen, which is about 3 weeks later and involves a beach weekend in a foreign country. Most of the guys gfs / wives etc are coming to this and the guys are all sucking up plans to solo parent etc for that weekend without complaint.

I guess I'm just feeling gutted for DP that this event, which is supposed to be special for him, has basically been completely taken over and am also a bit pissed off with B. I know its nothing to do with me really but AIBU?

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 04/02/2022 16:48

Yes G would be mad to let this go ahead. Hioe he sorts it out op.

I'm thinking it's more than likely the two women going to the dinner that's pissing her off. Shes acting desperately.

JudgeJ · 04/02/2022 16:51

@changewwible

B is being a twat.

But she might have full PFB brain and not realise. Her partner needs to tell her to lay off.

Why do people try and justify nasty behaviour? The child's 18 months old, for how long can 'PFB brain' last? She must be running out of excuses for being so awful.
MrsTerryPratchett · 04/02/2022 16:54

I think I covered that with 'batshittery' @JudgeJ

And sometimes things are MH related. And sometimes they're not.

NorthSouthcatlady · 04/02/2022 16:56

@JudgeJ l agree, PFB goes for ever with some people Confused

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/02/2022 16:56

@Mizanined

I love DP but honestly its just so annoying he always has to be "the nice guy" lol his best men are the same!!
Honestly, if that's his choice he has to suck up getting what he gets.

Being unassertive is something that you can choose to work on... or not. If you don't, you either end up PA or channel Elsa and let it go!

appleturnovers · 04/02/2022 16:56

Wow, I read this thinking it was a newborn baby, in which case I can understand B feeling nervous about being on her own with the baby (even though it would still be unreasonable). But seriously, 18 months??! She's had absolutely ample time to get used to doing things on her own. Also with a toddler, I really can't see how travelling would be easier than staying at home. Really weird and really awkward. No advice to give, but they really should at least put their foot down about cancelling the outdoor activity.

Original poster
Mizanined · 04/02/2022 16:57

To the question about if theyre "one of those couples" - G is quite laid back and a bit of a people pleaser, I think B gets fairly anxious about social stuff. I 110% can't imagine him cheating or anything like that. I think she has a low opinion of guys in general as her ex cheated on her when they were still together. She makes a lot of jokes about keeping an eye on him, having him be well trained etc. I remember right before they moved she was joking how it would get him away from the "bad influences" of my DP and the best men (which is like saying a group of puppies are a bad influence lol). G has always seemed happy enough to go along with this but we have all had our doubts

OP posts:
CaMePlaitPas · 04/02/2022 16:59

This has got weird written all over it. Could this be the first time she is supposed to be alone overnight with the "baby"? Could explain the anxiety.

MaChienEstUnDick · 04/02/2022 17:00

It strikes me that in this situation, my fantastic but really very straight talking best maid would have got very involved. Wouldn't one of your hens just call this out?

Original poster
Mizanined · 04/02/2022 17:00

Hilariously some of the other guys now posting in the chat suggestions of other "stag activities" including soft play and a spa / pamper session. DP says its been ages since he got his eyebrows properly done

OP posts:
pictish · 04/02/2022 17:01

Jesus Christ. She’s got all the social awareness of a plant pot.

HelloDulling · 04/02/2022 17:01

Has anyone on the hen group said anything?

Dishwashersaurous · 04/02/2022 17:02

And agree can your bridesmaid intervene?

Notimeforaname · 04/02/2022 17:02

Ah, she has serious issues.

And while I'll feel bad for anyone who's been cheated on, that's her issue to deal with. When it starts encroaching in other peoples lives, something has to be said.

CaMePlaitPas · 04/02/2022 17:02

She makes a lot of jokes about keeping an eye on him, having him be well trained etc.

Well that's abusive, if the tables were turned and that was a bloke talking about his partner there'd be hundreds of LTB comments.

Original poster
Mizanined · 04/02/2022 17:02

Hen group people are just confused why shes suddenly planning on being in the vicinity given she lives about 6 hours away!

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 04/02/2022 17:06

@Mizanined

B is now posting in my Hen group chat asking who is free to meet up that weekend...
You should reply in your hen chat saying that you don't think its appropriate to crash the stag do and to let the men have their time alone.
astoundedgoat · 04/02/2022 17:08

I think her partner needs to pull out. Clearly he has relationship issues that he needs to sort out, but in the short term he shouldn’t be letting it take over his friend’s stag.

astoundedgoat · 04/02/2022 17:10

Exactly.

“What brings you to this neck of the woods? Absolutely not going near the lads on their big weekend - can you imagine? Lol. We’d be as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit!”

Tlollj · 04/02/2022 17:10

Good talk about not knowing where you’re not wanted. G must be so embarrassed.

FirstTimeSecondTime · 04/02/2022 17:20

I feel sorry for your dh

AllOfUsAreDead · 04/02/2022 17:22

I'll be surprised if G ends up going at all. If B can't go, he's not either. She's far too controlling, they shouldn't have had a kid together. Now he's stuck with her, even if they split.

Hamster1111 · 04/02/2022 17:24

Hopefully G's 'sorting it' will involve telling her to pack it in and stay at home. If she loses the deposit, that's her fault, she never should have booked it. So weird.

I think it is being fuelled by trust issues BUT she must also be a very odd woman not to know this is very strange behavior.

I have a friend that has some very selfish tendencies (all plans must fit around her and her family) but she is very mild compared to this! B is on another level

Winchestercollege · 04/02/2022 17:26

What an odd person she must be.

lightisnotwhite · 04/02/2022 17:27

Surely if she wants to go out that means she won’t be at the stag do. You live the next town along so that’s all good.

How far is the stag town from somewhere else? Can you get them a surprise mini bus to somewhere for a day or night?

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