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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD booked afternoon tea but not paid

785 replies

bluefloweronyellow · 03/02/2022 23:18

So it's my birthday on Saturday. DSD and her DH have booked me and DH in for posh afternoon tea on the Sunday afternoon at top restaurant.

I thanked her tonight for such a thoughtful gift etc and asked her to clarify time and is there a reference number for the gift etc

She gave me a photo of the reservation booking and said it's all booked under my name and have a wonderful time I just have to pay on the day Confused

So the gift is she reserved a table. This is so like her. She genuinely thinks she's given me a gift. I gently asked again, to be clear, I pay on the day and yes, that way I can have whatever I want.

I'm just flabbergasted.

AIBU (clearly fucking not but feel free to comment if you disagree)

Oh, and I'm going to go as I do like the place and you do have to book well in advance but never heard that making a reservation is the gift!!!!

OP posts:
L0stinCyberspace · 04/02/2022 00:10

It's fine. It's harmless. At my age I don't let things wind me up too much. Life is too short.

Surely it's passive aggressive to get us all horrified at your shabby treatment by a seemingly capable adult, and you get to say it's no big deal? Smile

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 04/02/2022 00:12

It's not really harmless if she does it to someone else who are unlikely just to roll their eyes are her.

BottleOfSun · 04/02/2022 00:13

Oh you are a better person than me OP I’d be pretty angry tbh what if you couldn’t afford it!?
Being pretty doesn’t automatically mean you have to forgo all common sense, I would never do something like that to my mum! Please don’t make excuses for her or let her get away with it.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 04/02/2022 00:15

Arranging for you to spend money in a certain venue and calling it a gift is ridiculous.

Giving somebody an obligation to attend somewhere at a specific time and then to spend a considerable amount of their own money is the exact opposite of a gift. It's like giving you a white elephant, but without bothering to even get the elephant!!

Imagine if she owned a shop and ran adverts promising 'a fantastic gift for every customer' - and then they turned up and discovered that the 'fantastic gift' was actually being locked in and expected to buy something big from her shop before they were allowed to leave Grin

OnTheBoardwalk · 04/02/2022 00:15

I’d cancel and give her a wish list of things you actually want and say you’d like something from that instead

Many many years ago my brother when we were all living at home got me Sky subscription for my 18th birthday in my mother’s name that she had to pay.

mumda · 04/02/2022 00:16

Possibly the most rubbish present ever.

She's a crap human being. However I can believe she has a degree. The aim of sending 50% of young people was always going to end this way.

ufucoffee · 04/02/2022 00:16

But if no one ever calls her out how does she ever know her behaviour is wrong. Why are you going to the afternoon tea and then thanking her? Wouldn't it be better to cancel and to say you didn't want to pay for it and you thought that she would've paid?

grapewine · 04/02/2022 00:17

@Supersimkin2

How clever to be that stupid.
Actually, this is true. She's doing well for herself, isn't she?
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 04/02/2022 00:21

Another one I remember from when I was very young was that I heard somebody talking on Eastenders about being really pleased at being given 'a Christmas box', so I thought I would be so thoughtful and find some suitable boxes from the 'help yourself' bit at the back of the supermarket for all of my family for Christmas - but even at my tender age, I did still actually put actual presents inside the box as well Grin

StaplesCorner · 04/02/2022 00:21

Now you see I don't find any humour in this at all. I think she's spoilt and spiteful, and everyone around her is enabling. How can you possibly have any respect for her?

But I can see others do think its hilarious including you OP. That's why I like MN because I so rarely agree with people on here! Definitely a different angle on life.

abbey44 · 04/02/2022 00:23

@Supersimkin2

How clever to be that stupid.
This is very true. I have a family member who is similar - not beautiful, but has everyone falling over themselves to provide for her. She's in her fifties and to date has never had to provide herself with a roof over her head, cars, holidays, horses...you name it. Plays dim but really Hmm
toomuchlaundry · 04/02/2022 00:25

I think she is spoilt.

Somebody needs to pull her up on her behaviour

scoobydoo1971 · 04/02/2022 00:26

I would send her a box of chocolates to thank her for her thoughtful gesture. Just eat the contents first.

CanofCant · 04/02/2022 00:27

" He's very well off and money is no issue. They have a great life and very happy."

Yeah, I guessed as much.

Totalwasteofpaper · 04/02/2022 00:29

I also don’t think she is as nice or clueless as portrayed.
But this would suit me fine.

I’d just book a table back at an expensive restaurant back for her birthday…

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 04/02/2022 00:29

Now you see I don't find any humour in this at all. I think she's spoilt and spiteful, and everyone around her is enabling.

I think we're finding nervous humour in the absurdity of her chutzpah, rather than in a 'aw bless her' kind of way. We are Bishop Brennan and the unpaid reservation for OP to go to the restaurant is the almighty kick up the arse!

I do agree with you that she is behaving spitefully and most unpleasant - and she should be directly challenged on it rather than it just being waved away as 'oh that's just how she is'. I admire OP's good humour in the situation, but it's actually a nasty thing for somebody to do to you, made far worse as it's dressed up as a great kindness.

Flowers for you, OP.

Redsquirrel5 · 04/02/2022 00:31

I think it is hilarious. You could give the restaurant her phone number when it is time to pay🤣

DD asked me if you are really clever can you have no common sense? Apparently her DP sister is like this. She is extremely clever I can’t say what degree she has as it is niche and maybe a bit outing. I know someone who taught her Maths at school and he said she was the cleverest girl he taught in his career.

DD told me some of the things she comes out with and it is in a similar vein.
You sound a lovely person OP.

SpongebobsPants · 04/02/2022 00:31

You sound far too nice for your own good OPGrin

NYnewstart · 04/02/2022 00:32

I find this thread incredibly sad too.

Op, you are doing her no favours by indulging in this fantasy land that she lives in.
FGS educate her!

LittleMissUnreasonable · 04/02/2022 00:36

She's having you all for right mugs, OP. Flicking her hair around and going 'oopsie silly me' to excuse poor, tight and selfish behaviour while her doe eyed DH looks on adoringly Hmm

Didn't know you had to pay tax indeed...more like didn't want to. The silly little girl act won't wash for long, it already looks ridiculous at 32

TonyThreePies · 04/02/2022 00:36

OP you sound like a really lovely person. I hope you enjoy your birthday, I am sure you will.

BobHadBitchTits · 04/02/2022 00:37

@Redsquirrel5

I think it is hilarious. You could give the restaurant her phone number when it is time to pay🤣

DD asked me if you are really clever can you have no common sense? Apparently her DP sister is like this. She is extremely clever I can’t say what degree she has as it is niche and maybe a bit outing. I know someone who taught her Maths at school and he said she was the cleverest girl he taught in his career.

DD told me some of the things she comes out with and it is in a similar vein.
You sound a lovely person OP.

My mum.

Insanely clever. Really well read and could take on the Eggheads single handedly.

And yet she frequently pushes in queues as she just doesn't see them. She has zero sense of direction and always gets lost. She drives me absolutely mental. It's exhausting!

SofiaSoFar · 04/02/2022 00:37

What’s her financial situation? Or rather, what’s her husband’s financial situation?

His position is 'mug', clearly.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 04/02/2022 00:40

Sounds like my brother, who 'sorted out' regravelling my parents drive. Except he got ExP to measure the drive so he knew how much to order. Then arranged for the gravel to be delivered in huge sacks to save money. Then got ExP & I to empty the sacks and rake out the gravel. Then presented our parents with the bill for the gravel they weren't bothered about in the slightest.

So his 'gift' was going online & ordering the gravel... because he'd noticed the drive was a bit bumpy & was worried about what it might be doing to his car's suspension.

DSD needs to be pulled up on this though. You can't go through life being praised for the ability to draw breath.

ouch321 · 04/02/2022 00:46

This is known as pretty privilege.

Thos thread is light-hearted I know, but, this is everything I hate about life today - the standards that other people have to meet, just don't apply if you're beautiful.