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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD booked afternoon tea but not paid

785 replies

bluefloweronyellow · 03/02/2022 23:18

So it's my birthday on Saturday. DSD and her DH have booked me and DH in for posh afternoon tea on the Sunday afternoon at top restaurant.

I thanked her tonight for such a thoughtful gift etc and asked her to clarify time and is there a reference number for the gift etc

She gave me a photo of the reservation booking and said it's all booked under my name and have a wonderful time I just have to pay on the day Confused

So the gift is she reserved a table. This is so like her. She genuinely thinks she's given me a gift. I gently asked again, to be clear, I pay on the day and yes, that way I can have whatever I want.

I'm just flabbergasted.

AIBU (clearly fucking not but feel free to comment if you disagree)

Oh, and I'm going to go as I do like the place and you do have to book well in advance but never heard that making a reservation is the gift!!!!

OP posts:
VivX · 04/02/2022 00:46

That's hilariously daft.

And "Quite often her presence is the gift. Especially at Christmas. She comes in and announces 'I'm here'." Wtf? Grin

Has nobody ever explained life to her?

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 04/02/2022 00:47

I know that you really want to go OP, but for the sake of your DSD I think you should tell her that yes you love having afternoon tea at that venue, but as it is just after Christmas you can't justify spending that much on yourself at the moment, so could she please cancel it, and that you hope they don't charge her to much for the late cancellation fee. Even if they don't charge for cancellations, it might just make her think a little bit.

To be honest, I don't understand why either of her parents let her get away with this, surely if they really cared about her they would say something? Your DSD won't be young, and may not be pretty, forever, she needs to know how to survive in case her adoring admirers don't stay quite as adoring when younger and prettier models come along - I admit that I am assuming that any men in her life, who put her on a pedestal for being pretty, and acting vacant, are rather shallow themselves.

avamiah · 04/02/2022 00:50

@NYnewstart

I find this thread incredibly sad too.

Op, you are doing her no favours by indulging in this fantasy land that she lives in.
FGS educate her!

Yes I agree However i would not be so nice ,
Hathertonhariden · 04/02/2022 00:51

She's going to be screwed in 20 yrs time when dh has traded her in for a younger model. Your dh has done her a disservice by humouring her rather than putting her straight. This needs to stop.

merrymelodies · 04/02/2022 00:51

She's a CF and she knows it. I wouldn't put up with this. I'd ring her back to "confirm that it's already been paid for" and if she says that it hasn't, I'd simply say no thanks.

WhereDoesThisToiletGo · 04/02/2022 00:53

Well, that's this year's Christmas gifts sorted for everyone!

BadgerStripes · 04/02/2022 00:56

@CaroleFuckingBaskin

Book her a 3 night stay at the ritz for hers
Genius Grin
starfishmummy · 04/02/2022 00:57

I'd guver her the bill along with my bank details so she can transfer the money.

Flowersandhearts · 04/02/2022 00:57

Could you just reply with 'Oh I thought it was a present that you had bought for us'?

MrsClatterbuck · 04/02/2022 01:01

To be honest, I don't understand why either of her parents let her get away with this, surely if they really cared about her they would say something? Your DSD won't be young, and may not be pretty, forever, she needs to know how to survive in case her adoring admirers don't stay quite as adoring when younger and prettier models come along - I admit that I am assuming that any men in her life, who put her on a pedestal for being pretty, and acting vacant, are rather shallow themselves

This

This little pretty girl dumb act won't wash when she's much older. Especially when the good looks fade and she ends up in a nursing home. Also the DH might just get tired of it and find himself someone who lives in the real world and who he can have an intelligent conversation with.
Her parents have done her no favours whatsoever and I would find that kind of behaviour very tiresome very quickly

Ionlydomassiveones · 04/02/2022 01:08

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

NatriumChloride · 04/02/2022 01:10

She sounds like my SIL. All glamour, big hair and flawless make-up, and a “I’m-so-beautiful-but-helpless” schoolgirl act. Underneath it all actually very switched on, self-serving, duplicitous and a full-blown narcissist.

Tolerating this nonsense will do her no good in the long run.

HaveringWavering · 04/02/2022 01:11

The following year for FIL's birthday, I tried to do something nicer for them. I booked Lunch with the Llamas on a llama farm. The food looked delicious and I thought it would be a fun afternoon out for them. FIL said it was the worst experience of his life.

This made me laugh out loud! I’m picturing FIL played by Richard Wilson!

HaveringWavering · 04/02/2022 01:13

OP, you say in your first sentence that DSD and her DH have booked you in.
Is he also that stupid? Why has he not noticed that this is not a present at all? Why is he being allowed to get away with it?

grapewine · 04/02/2022 01:16

@Ionlydomassiveones

So your DH is minted. You’re minted. She’s minted. Life is wonderful for you all. You can enable the ditsy princess because money is no problem. So this was a stealth brag post. Nice one. You had us all frothed up for nothing.
Yeah, I jumped in. Silly me.
Leilala · 04/02/2022 01:18

Could she possibly mean that you use the gift
Voucher already part of the booking to pay on the day?

Or would she really have done something like this?

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 04/02/2022 01:26

She sounds like a selfish pain in the arse to me, if this is even true. I don't tolerate ditsy,

Graphista · 04/02/2022 01:28

And your dh did and said what about this bollocks?

DH rolled his eyes.

Is that really all?! He's almost as fucking useless as her then!

Assuming she has mental capabilities wtf have her parents done to raise her to be so thoughtless?

It's not density it's thoughtlessness

Is she bought gifts for her birthdays and Christmas? Of course she is! Does she PAY for those gifts herself ? Of course not!

She DOES know how gift giving works she simply can't be bothered to return the courtesy

went to university. then she is not stupid and not "simple"

She's selfish, entitled

He adores her. Treats her like she's made of precious China.

That's not parenting at all

And as pps said not saying to her isn't actually doing her any favours at all. She pulls this nonsense with the wrong person it could go very wrong

HaveringWavering · 04/02/2022 01:30

He adores her. Treats her like she's made of precious China.

That's not parenting at all

That was a reference to the DSD’s husband, not OP’s DH @Graphista.

UrbanAli · 04/02/2022 01:41

I have a new straw!!!

Could she have maybe thought that your DH wasn’t going to give you a gift and felt that by booking this, he would pay the tab and treat you? 🤔

KitchenTowel · 04/02/2022 01:45

This is brilliant. I now know what in going to give everyone as present for the next ten years 😂

Hydrate · 04/02/2022 01:45

Your sd is 32 and thinks that is a gift? Ridiculous!
I cannot understand why her df does not tell her.

avamiah · 04/02/2022 01:45

I had to read the Original post a couple of times as I thought I had misread it.

I’m sorry but nobody would do that unless they were a complete _unt.

It doesn’t matter if OP has a few quid in the bank and can afford to pay the bill you just don’t do that .

Hydrate · 04/02/2022 01:47

@Graphista

And your dh did and said what about this bollocks?

DH rolled his eyes.

Is that really all?! He's almost as fucking useless as her then!

Assuming she has mental capabilities wtf have her parents done to raise her to be so thoughtless?

It's not density it's thoughtlessness

Is she bought gifts for her birthdays and Christmas? Of course she is! Does she PAY for those gifts herself ? Of course not!

She DOES know how gift giving works she simply can't be bothered to return the courtesy

went to university. then she is not stupid and not "simple"

She's selfish, entitled

He adores her. Treats her like she's made of precious China.

That's not parenting at all

And as pps said not saying to her isn't actually doing her any favours at all. She pulls this nonsense with the wrong person it could go very wrong

I agree 100 % with this!
Graphista · 04/02/2022 01:50

That was a reference to the DSD’s husband, not OP’s DH

Ah my mistake on that exact quote

Still hadn't been raised properly

@Hydrate thanks