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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD booked afternoon tea but not paid

785 replies

bluefloweronyellow · 03/02/2022 23:18

So it's my birthday on Saturday. DSD and her DH have booked me and DH in for posh afternoon tea on the Sunday afternoon at top restaurant.

I thanked her tonight for such a thoughtful gift etc and asked her to clarify time and is there a reference number for the gift etc

She gave me a photo of the reservation booking and said it's all booked under my name and have a wonderful time I just have to pay on the day Confused

So the gift is she reserved a table. This is so like her. She genuinely thinks she's given me a gift. I gently asked again, to be clear, I pay on the day and yes, that way I can have whatever I want.

I'm just flabbergasted.

AIBU (clearly fucking not but feel free to comment if you disagree)

Oh, and I'm going to go as I do like the place and you do have to book well in advance but never heard that making a reservation is the gift!!!!

OP posts:
WorkHardPlayHard1 · 05/02/2022 22:42

@MHB5

I'm unsure if I follow this. It appears to me that the location for afternoon tea was a suggestion. I would say thank you for this suggestion. That was what it was.
No she made the reservation x
LondonQueen · 05/02/2022 22:48

That's shocking! The sort of thing my DB would do.

marpelier · 05/02/2022 22:52

I love the empty gift bag idea, but I would fill it to the brim with giftcards from the supermarket. None of which had been paid for and were thus useless. Smile as you hand it over for her birthday and tell her you are giving her this with much love. If she really is dense she might try and use them. If not , she will know what you have done.

NoIDontWantToDoIt · 05/02/2022 23:04

Wow. That seems ... pretty clueless. Hopefully she is planning on giving some cash before the day to pay for it, but somehow it doesn't seem so. To be honest, I wouldn't say anything, but give a gift in kind for her birthday.

EmmaH2022 · 05/02/2022 23:11

@LondonQueen

That's shocking! The sort of thing my DB would do.
How do you deal with that?
Warblerinwinter · 05/02/2022 23:32

@Chichiboo

Was just wondering … was there a reservation/booking fee?
Aww bless… You really are trying hard to think of possible explanations and benefit of the doubt. 😊
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 06/02/2022 01:07

@Onthedunes

Grin Grin Grin

Starlightening · 06/02/2022 04:52

Is she planning on giving you a gift card / money on the day ??? To cover the cost ? Are you likely to see her before the date ? If nothing comes to light I would perhaps have a conversation saying money is tight and we can’t really afford to eat out ! ( hint hint ) she might take notice ???

bruffin · 06/02/2022 06:02

@Starlightening

Is she planning on giving you a gift card / money on the day ??? To cover the cost ? Are you likely to see her before the date ? If nothing comes to light I would perhaps have a conversation saying money is tight and we can’t really afford to eat out ! ( hint hint ) she might take notice ???
If you cant be bothered to read the thread at least read OP's posts, it's been sorted.
pinkpantherpink · 06/02/2022 06:42

Priceless

She's heard people say "I've booked an afternoon tea for their birthday " and took it literally 🤣

Motherofone163 · 06/02/2022 07:26

I would cancel and book another date to highlight that it wasn’t a present. If she is married she understands finances and how things are paid for. It really made me laugh though.

nannypoppop · 06/02/2022 08:03

Perhaps she's put a tenna behind the bar...WineFlowers

kellyjohnoonxx · 06/02/2022 08:19

For her birthday reserve her a hotel on booking.com and she can pay on arrival Grin

Sam1111 · 06/02/2022 08:50

You are not being unreasonable! That’s such a cheap thing to do… if she couldn’t afford a gift fair enough but to reserve a table for you and tell you to pay isn’t a gift and something you would have done yourself if you had wanted… in my opinion it’s not the done thing to do… the done thing would be reserve a table and pay for an afternoon tea/lunch/dinner or whatever or give you vouchers for said things and let you decide when you want to go… I find it strange and you’re right to question it

misspercy · 06/02/2022 09:20

@bluefloweronyellow

Wow. So many responses. Didn't expect this.

An update. DH has had a word with son in law. He will make sure booking is paid in advance for us. Flowers also on their way, probably organised by his secretary.

I know this is more make enabling but it is what it is. She's not my DD so not for me to accost her.

I say again, she's a nice girl but very in a bubble.

Any future children will be fine (some expressed concern). There will be a full time nanny no doubt to do day to day. She's incredibly nice and kind and very loving. Honestly. Just ditzy.

So, what did SIL think of his DW not paying for the meal?

And how on earth did DH approach that conversation?

The whole thing just seems very awkward...

HaveringWavering · 06/02/2022 10:45

@nannypoppop

Perhaps she's put a tenna behind the bar...WineFlowers
I’m case OP pisses herself laughing at how ridiculous the present is? Wink
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 06/02/2022 11:49

So, what did SIL think of his DW not paying for the meal?

I'm guessing that he's probably well used to her 'foibles' and picking up after her by now. He likely just sighed and asked "How much has she run up this time?!"

Silversprinkles · 06/02/2022 12:29

@TatianaBis

Nobody but nobody who is not special needs doesn’t know that it’s not a gift to book a tea and not pay for it.

If, like any normal parent, your DH had pulled her up on it and every other similar scenario in her formative years she wouldn’t get away with it.

It’s not innocent it’s just selfish and tight.

But everyone runs around to enable and placate her. So she carries on with this narcissistic twaddle and you all ensure it continues.

I know a lot of charismatic people none of them behave like twats.

Yep. OP has bought hook line and sinker into the family narrative of the dumb but cute pwincess. Sad. She must be laughing her way to the next designer shop.

StargazerAli · 06/02/2022 12:41

She must have been spoiled in order to think she can get away with it. Utterly thoughtless.

Marcipex · 06/02/2022 15:33

I don’t think she’s clueless and ditsy, I think she’s smart.

Original poster
bluefloweronyellow · 06/02/2022 16:17

Had a lovely champagne afternoon tea. All paid for. Met with DSD and her DH later for cocktails, which was fun. DSD apologised for the mix up and she meant it. Everyone merry and happy.

Thanks to all who have followed and contributed and hoped I would have a good day. Very kind and I'll glad to report I did.

This thread went a bit strange at times with assumptions on DSD and her motives, mental health, intellectual capabilities, parenting capabilities and with one poster even saying she was really an escort. Bizarre projections. She can be exasperating at times but has a good heart.

We're happy, DSD and her DH are happy and do hope all those who have stuck with this thread are happy too.

I'll be name changing after this and going back to MN obscurity.

Wishing everyone a great day. Smile

OP posts:
HowDOyouspellIt · 06/02/2022 16:27

What a lovely update OP - and happy birthday for yesterday!

Mellowyellow222 · 06/02/2022 17:04

Glad you had a lovely time.

Hopefully your step daughter will be a little more thoughtful in future. And will pause and think about others.

There is one minor disadvantage of pretty privilege - it doesn’t last forever. One day she won’t have everyone flocking to help her and excuse her shocking behaviour.

If she was 15 stone and plain I am not sure everyone would be so forgiving. Older women also become invisible in our society. She will have to grow up and brunch up on her manners!

blyn72 · 06/02/2022 17:07

I'm delighted for you, blueflower.

DebHagland · 06/02/2022 17:09

If you are really intending to go.
Keep the bill, send her a copy and ask her to pay the bill amount into your bank account. Thanking her for the generous gift of paying for your afternoon tea.