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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DSD booked afternoon tea but not paid

785 replies

bluefloweronyellow · 03/02/2022 23:18

So it's my birthday on Saturday. DSD and her DH have booked me and DH in for posh afternoon tea on the Sunday afternoon at top restaurant.

I thanked her tonight for such a thoughtful gift etc and asked her to clarify time and is there a reference number for the gift etc

She gave me a photo of the reservation booking and said it's all booked under my name and have a wonderful time I just have to pay on the day

So the gift is she reserved a table. This is so like her. She genuinely thinks she's given me a gift. I gently asked again, to be clear, I pay on the day and yes, that way I can have whatever I want.

I'm just flabbergasted.

AIBU (clearly fucking not but feel free to comment if you disagree)

Oh, and I'm going to go as I do like the place and you do have to book well in advance but never heard that making a reservation is the gift!!!!

OP posts:

aloris · 05/02/2022 18:47

Please correct your relative's understanding of the word "gift," because she may unintentionally be doing rather cruel things to other people who are not as well off as herself. Not everyone can afford to magnanimously chuckle and pay for their "gift" themselves.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/02/2022 18:56

@AnneLovesGilbert

The nerve! I hope you’ll do the same for her next birthday?

This!

What a tight cow!

Onthedunes · 05/02/2022 18:59

Sit her down in a circle, along with Hamble, Jemima, Humpty and Little Ted.

Explain that gifts cost money and whilst you appreciate the thought, tell her not to do that concerning other people and presents, they may not understand.

Finish off with Wheels on the Bus and if that doesn't work you're going to have to bring in the big gun.....

Big Ted.

Belladonna12 · 05/02/2022 19:02

@runningoutofnewnames

She sounds like a character OP. And I believe you she didn't mean it badly.

Ridiculous, the people on here who can only see ill intent. Not everyone has bad motives! The world is a lot more complicated and nuanced than that.

I agree. The most likely explanation is stupidity especially considering she had nothing to gain from not paying if her DH is very well off. As the saying goes, "never attribute to malice that which can adequately explained by stupidity/incompetence"

BacksideFirst · 05/02/2022 19:06

Oh dear…bless her! She hasn’t got a clue has she, lol.

CPL593H · 05/02/2022 19:07

In my experience, it takes an awful lot of cunning to be this 'inept'. She's an adult with a degree, she knows full well what giving a present entails.

I don't find such behaviour cute. It is manipulative and actually very disrespectful. I'd be interested to know if she gives people who she does value proper gifts, because she's telling you loud and clear that you don't matter.

Tigger1895 · 05/02/2022 19:09

For her next birthday buy her a pretty box with nothing in it. Gently explain that you thought she could buy something nice to put in it.

Morgysmum · 05/02/2022 19:09

Just booking the table, that's hardly a present.
But it's a bit simlar to a present my mum got for her 70th, off her sisters.
They gave her a gift voucher of £50, to a pub, that servers food, my parents went there like 20 years ago, as they knew the landlord and landlady. But these people don't have the pub anymore, my parents moved away 20 years ago, they moved back to the area a few years ago, but haven't been back to that pub.
My mum is gluten free, so can only eat limited food at most pubs, so they tend to go to one near them that is cheap, I said did they even see, if this place did gluten free? Also my mum doesn't drink and my dad doesn't drink much.
But if it doesn't do gluten free, it's not like she can sit and watch my dad eat.
Her sisters know she has been gluten free since the early 90's, so it's not a new thing. It's like just didn't put any thought into it, if the had checked the menu before buying it or asking my mum if she had been there recently.

JustDoingMe · 05/02/2022 19:11

If my DSD did as much as this for me I would consider myself lucky!
I get nothing from her at all.....our birthdays are days apart (mine is first) and I always give a gift separate to what her my DH gives her.
Last year I had a 'milestone' birthday and again nothing not even a card then she had the cheek to ring me the next day to ask me to bake her some cup cakes for her birthday. I declined graciously!

Viviennemary · 05/02/2022 19:12

Thats a good idea Tigger. Or gift box containing a list of things you think she would like

winterchills · 05/02/2022 19:13

🤣madness!!

Bebethany · 05/02/2022 19:13

@ bluefloweronyellow, oh the audacity of it!
Some people are so mean; my granddaughter has lived with me for 15 months, rent free, all the home cooked meals she can eat, WiFi, hot water and heat, has the whole of the upstairs to herself. I’ve clothed her. Spent £600 on her for Christmas and I get 12 night lights from the 99p shop in return! Who was it that said you shouldn’t give to receive? 😳😳🤔

Benjispruce5 · 05/02/2022 19:14

How weird. I’ve never heard of this before. So difficult to address too as it’s so obvious to most normal people but not her. Your DH needs to take her aside and explain that making reservation is not a gift.
Alternatively, go and then message her with a screenshot of the bill , asking her if she wants your bank details. Act totally Innocent if she questions it as obviously a just a reservation is not a gift.

Jeannie88 · 05/02/2022 19:18

A new one to me! Maybe if she had given u her card as well to have the meal on them, but a table reservation! Poor show. X

lesleylol · 05/02/2022 19:22

Please do the same to her so the thick bint realises.

Hydrate · 05/02/2022 19:24

Happy Birthday OP.

Thisisit2022 · 05/02/2022 19:37

If this was real I'd say she's not thick and unaware at all. She knows exactly what she's doing.

whenthedoveslie · 05/02/2022 19:45

I can't believe so many are convinced the SD was oblivious.

This is a woman who hasn't worked for than 2 months for anyone, has been carried by men and lived a charmed life.

I suspect she knows very well who pays for what and receives a lot she knows she never has to pay for.

Stupid, pointless post about a grifter.

belles001 · 05/02/2022 19:55

un by lee vu ble

Jazzyjeffery · 05/02/2022 20:00

Pahahha my sister in law did this. Organising something (but not paying) is NOT a gift. At least I'm not the only one with a family member who thinks this is a 'present'

MHB5 · 05/02/2022 20:03

I'm unsure if I follow this. It appears to me that the location for afternoon tea was a suggestion. I would say thank you for this suggestion. That was what it was.

Sillyname63 · 05/02/2022 20:04

Ask for a bill / receipt and send it to her say thank you for making the booking and this is what it cost. If she can act stupid so can you!! 🙄😂You never know she may have left her credit card details and on the day you won't need to pay but if you do I would definitely send her the bill😳

Babamukeke1 · 05/02/2022 20:04

That is really cheap, it’s not a present if you are paying for it!! Don’t go or do the same to her.

BSideBaby · 05/02/2022 20:05

What a strange thread.

Why on earth didn't you pull her up on it at the time OP, or are you all scared of upsetting her for some reason? It's not kind to enable this sort of behaviour.

Belladonna12 · 05/02/2022 20:06

@whenthedoveslie