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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why did he have that in his bum?

505 replies

IfIcouldturnbacktime217 · 03/02/2022 21:02

So tonight DD asked me when she was going to bed about something a boy in nursery had on his bum. She said he pulled his pants down and showed her a worm then starts showing me her mini saying she doesn't have a worm! I've tried to ask how this happened and not got a lot of sense from her (she's 3) I think it may of been in the toilet but she said there was no teacher there. AIBU to be thinking they shouldn't be going the toilet together without a teacher and slightly alarmed by this?

OP posts:
Babyvenusplant · 03/02/2022 21:48

@slashlover

Why overload toddlers with scientific words? Winky for boys mini or foofoo for girls is fine

I agree! I teach that we have a "chompy chomp" and a "looky ball", who uses scientific words like mouth or eye?

@slashlover As I was reading your response I thought those were your names for your privates 🤣 was quite relieved when I got to the end
ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 03/02/2022 21:48

@HotSauceCommittee

I've never seen my Dad's knob and I am nearly 50. Apparently that's weird and prudish. Shall I ask him if I can have a look at it when I see him next?
How do you know you didn’t see it when you were 2/3? Can you remember everything from your babyhood? My young children wander in when I’m having a shower, and they do it to DH too. And sometimes when we’re on the toilet. And if DH takes them swimming he has to take them in the cubicle with him to get changed.
Wife2b · 03/02/2022 21:49

@Tablechairlight

Hi OP,

Haven’t read most of the other comments. But what I would say is your second post this was about the situation not the words.

To me this situation sounds innocent and it’s great she spoke to u about it, shows a good level of communication between you both which is fantastic. Yes chat with nursery but my children go in to was their hands etc and may not always be directly supervised for a few minutes I guess.

I would say this situation actually is however really linked to the words. It has been shown that children should be taught correct terms such as Willy vagina labia etc so if inappropriate situations happen they are very clear about what is what and will relay to you in no unclear terms what has happened. For safeguarding reasons and to protect her reach her correct words and not to be ashamed/ embarrassed and do not say ‘private parts’ makes them feel they can’t talk about/ discuss

Google underwear rule nspcc

Good luck xx

The NSPCC’s song Pantosaurus refers to private parts!
fourandtwo · 03/02/2022 21:49

@IfIcouldturnbacktime217

Shes never saw a willy before so that was why she said worm, she didn't know what it was. I don't mind using words like mini, would much rather her shout that round the shops than vagina. It was really about the words we use it was about the situation
The “situation” would have been a lot less confusing had you used the words vulva and penis. Like an adult. HTH
Inthesameboatatmo · 03/02/2022 21:49

@Icantremembermyusername

Jeez, glad people came in with references to body parts, I was thinking he was storing a garden worm in his bum cheeks and scared where that might end!
I thought the same thing.

Op I think he's showed her his willie for want of a better word. I've always used correct terms with my kids so absolutely no confusion. These silly names are no help in situations like this.

Poppinjay · 03/02/2022 21:50

[quote Stath]www.pacey.org.uk/news-and-views/pacey-blog/2019/october-2019/teaching-children-about-their-private-parts/[/quote]
Oh the irony in an article that recommends teaching children anatomically correct names for their genitalia private parts!

pantsville · 03/02/2022 21:52

This forum. The place where the same adult women who rigidly insist upon toddlers saying penis and vulva, use words like norks and fanjo to describe their own anatomy

sjj257 · 03/02/2022 21:53

I wouldn’t be alarmed by this at the age of 3, the kids where I used to work would go in the boys or girls toilet, we also had a urinal, she might have just seen him having a wee and noticed it’s different? 🤷🏼‍♀️

ldontWanna · 03/02/2022 21:53

Talk to the nursery about their toilet set up. In some places there are separated by sex, in some there's cubicles and a hand washing station and so on. If two different sex kids that are reliably toilet trained and don't need help asked to go to the toilet at a similar time, they wouldn't necessarily be supervised.

Explain to them what happened, using proper terms before they send a "threadworm " letter and see if they know how and what might've happened.

grapewine · 03/02/2022 21:57

I don't know why we're still having this discussion.

If, god forbid, anything awful happens to your child, and she has to tell authorities, or adults wherever, no person is going to know what a 'mini' is. You need to get her to use the right words for her own sake. This really isn't about what you're comfortable with, it's a safeguarding issue.

Cam2020 · 03/02/2022 21:58

Glad I'm not the only one who presumed this was a threadworm!

Flickflak · 03/02/2022 21:59

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

RosesAndHellebores · 03/02/2022 22:00

OP when dd was 4 a boy in nursery showed her his willy. When they were washing their hands I think.

DD told me in a "naughty" Jack sort of way. I had a quiet word with the teacher the next day "I hear Jack showed dd his willy yesterday, you must have your hands full with this lot". Teacher said she'd thought hard whether to tell me and decided not to if I didn't raise it as dd had a big brother and wasn't in the least bit phased. I gave a jolly wave and said glad it's all under control.

Both children are all growed up now.

Shelby2010 · 03/02/2022 22:01

Why is the assumption that the boy was deliberately showing the DD his penis, rather than he was going to the toilet for a wee & she happened to see it? He’s probably gone home & told his mum that one of the girls started pointing & staring at him when he went to the toilet! There’ll be a thread about it soon….

Airyfairymarybeary · 03/02/2022 22:01

This thread is exactly why you should use proper names for body parts, completely ridiculous to use cutesy names for body parts!

HotWaterAndLemon · 03/02/2022 22:02

@CaroleFuckingBaskin

I thought the OP was talking about threadworms Grin
So did I!
nokidshere · 03/02/2022 22:04

If, god forbid, anything awful happens to your child, and she has to tell authorities, or adults wherever, no person is going to know what a 'mini' is. You need to get her to use the right words for her own sake. This really isn't about what you're comfortable with, it's a safeguarding issue.

Whilst I totally agree with you that we should teach children correct body terminology it's absolute poppycock that adults in positions of trust or safeguarding, nurseries, school and other professions wouldn't understand the use of other terminology.

disconnected101 · 03/02/2022 22:05

@IfIcouldturnbacktime217

Shes never saw a willy before so that was why she said worm, she didn't know what it was. I don't mind using words like mini, would much rather her shout that round the shops than vagina. It was really about the words we use it was about the situation
So what if she shouts the word vagina or (more correctly) vulva? Mini is such a strange word to use for her genitalia. Mini is a word attached to foods, to toys, to cartoon characters etc.

I'm not having a go at you OP, but it is so important that children learn the correct words for all parts of their body. We don't use cutesy euphemisms for our faces, our arms, our feet, our ears etc. so why use them for genitals?
If anything it's even more important with respect to safeguarding that children know the correct names for their genitals.
What if a toddler girl called her vulva her front bum and she came home from nursery and said 'someone touched my bum'. That could mean someone patted her on her backside or it could mean someone put their hand down her pants. If she is able to say 'someone touched my vulva' there is no ambiguity.
What if your daughter said 'this boy showed me his penis' you wouldn't be wondering whether to speak to nursery, and when you did speak to them, you could tell them exactly what your daughter said.

SynchOrSwim · 03/02/2022 22:06

Is it really prudish to lock the door when you go to the toilet/have a shower? I think the only time my 7 year old DD has seen a penis is when a friend was changing her baby's nappy!

MargosKaftan · 03/02/2022 22:07

Did your dds not go into the bathroom when your dh was on the loo / in the shower? Did your dcs never sleep in your bed when unwell /had a nightmare so see their dad get dressed in the morning? Did he never take them out somewhere without you and have to take them to the loo with him, or take them swimming and them see him change? Share a room on holiday and see him getting changed?

The OP being a single mum makes sense her DD hasn't seen a penis, I just find it bizarre anyone can expect toddlers to respect privacy boundaries of the adults they live with - or are mine unusually annoying and everyone else got peaceful poos in the toddler years...

grapewine · 03/02/2022 22:07

@nokidshere

If, god forbid, anything awful happens to your child, and she has to tell authorities, or adults wherever, no person is going to know what a 'mini' is. You need to get her to use the right words for her own sake. This really isn't about what you're comfortable with, it's a safeguarding issue.

Whilst I totally agree with you that we should teach children correct body terminology it's absolute poppycock that adults in positions of trust or safeguarding, nurseries, school and other professions wouldn't understand the use of other terminology.

Alright, fine. I wouldn't want to take the chance that they didn't though.
MargosKaftan · 03/02/2022 22:08

Oh my post was supposed to be quoting @whatdidisay

Changeee15467 · 03/02/2022 22:08

This thread is the perfect example of why penis/vulva etc should be taught to children and used all the time. Practise saying the words - I promise it will stop feeling weird.

As to the PP who said her children have never seen their DF penis. Jesus.

chocopuffs · 03/02/2022 22:09

@Wavypurple

What? As in an actual worm?

I’m so confused reading this and I’m an adult.

I honestly thought you were talking about an actual worm (animal) and Minnie Mouse.

Penis and labia/vagina aren’t rude.

Stop being ridiculous. As much as I dislike the use of cutesy terms here, no you did not "honestly" think this.
changewwible · 03/02/2022 22:09

@LittleWins

I used Minnie until I was much older. Who cares?

Definitely raise with the nursery OP.

My friends DD calls it her faggy GrinFriend has no idea why.