Why did he have that in his bum?

[IfIcouldturnbacktime217]

So tonight DD asked me when she was going to bed about something a boy in nursery had on his bum. She said he pulled his pants down and showed her a worm then starts showing me her mini saying she doesn't have a worm! I've tried to ask how this happened and not got a lot of sense from her (she's 3) I think it may of been in the toilet but she said there was no teacher there. AIBU to be thinking they shouldn't be going the toilet together without a teacher and slightly alarmed by this?

This thread is an excellent example as no one has any idea what's actually happened!

Yes OP, if you start shouting vagina people will look at you very oddly because the vagina is inside. It’s the vulva your talking about.

Please use the correct terms. Your child will be laughed at and its a safeguarding nightmare.

Well.....small children have been playing hospitals since time began.

When I was about your daughter's age I remember a visiting little boy of similar age; we both needed the toilet, he went first and I saw him do a wee standing up. I then tried to do the same - made a terrible mess!

@Pyriah

How has she not seen one before? Does she not have a father? That would be the most appropriate place to begin a discussion.

My girls have never seen their fathers penis! We are not a prudish family but I can't imagine in what scenario whipping his willy out in front of his daughters would be appropriate? However they do know correct terminology and do know what a penis is.

@Lisheen21 I genuinely thought it was a typo. I've never ever heard anyone called their private parts a mini.

Anyone who has worked with little children ages 18 months-3 know that both girls and boys often go through a stage of taking off/down underwear, it's totally normal to be interested about every part of the body especially one they are repeatedly told to cover up and they often want to show people. It's not OK to call it these stupid names, stop it, it allows sexual abuse to get overlooked and reinforces the idea that sex and the body is something not to be talked about and to be ashamed of. It's common practice for children who can toilet themselves to be allowed to go in and out of the toilets unsupervised as it is in preschool, nursery and reception settings and this could have happened in less than 30 seconds however they should be monitoring this. Yes I would mention it to nursery and ask them to be aware but no I wouldn't consider it a big deal other than realising that you immediately need to talk to your child about proper names and the basic fact that boys and girls have genitals that look different.

Christ on a bike. The OP is asking a simple question here- is it right that two 3 year-olds can go to the toilets together at preschool unsupervised and show each other their genitalia? Stop going on about the terminology.

OP when my son was 3 he would have been supervised in the toilets because he wasn’t fully able to wipe his own bottom. I don’t l is if they only went in with him when he said he needed a poo. I have no idea if other kids went in there at the same time.

However at age 3 I would not be all that fussed about them seeing each other naked- for example, at that age they might still go about naked in the beach, or in a paddling pool at a friend’s house in a mixed-sex group.

If you really don't want her to use the word vagina etc, at least teach her to say front bottom so at least it's clear. These words like mini and fairy are ludicrous.

@dementedpixie

Jeezo I've never used winky or foofoo!

Quite right, it's a minge for goodness sake!

Do you have other names for her arm joints so that she doesn't yell "elbow" in a shop?

Wtf is a mini and a fairy?

…out of my experience of having 5 children I’ve never had any of them shouting about their genitals in public.
They’ve all been blessed with the gift of embarrassing me in public but can’t remember them doing that.

Explaining the differences between the sexes in an age appropriate manner is a vital part of parenting. It’s not an ‘either/or’ situation, kids can be taught the correct names for body parts but still use nicknames.

My DC have known the right names but continued to say willy etc. all through their childhood and beyond.

Why has she never saw a willy? Ermm cos she's 3 and I'm a single mum!

I'll have a word in nursery tomorrow.

Thanks for the advice 🙋🏼‍♀️

In my home country they have started teaching children in nursery/early school the correct names for their bits just so this thing can be avoided and its clear what they are referring to. Yes likely some talk about vaginas loudly in shops but since all kids are taught the same thing everyone is not phased by it.

Argh!! Ffs! The point of teaching your child the correct names for anatomical parts is so that there can be NO DOUBT as to what they’re talking about. Whereas in this scenario for all we know it was an actual fucking worm.

I used Minnie until I was much older. Who cares?

Definitely raise with the nursery OP.

By refusing to use the correct words or teach your dd about male and female genitalia you're teaching her that they are bad or taboo and not be discussed.

Using the correct words and making sure she has age appropriate knowledge you can avoid situations like this where no one knows what on earth has happened and helping to keep her safe.

I think most kids at some point show off their penis or vulva. My own dd had a similar incident at around 3, but she knew that she had a vulva and the boy involved had a penis so when she said 'X pulled his pants down and showed us his penis' there was no doubt. The nursery staff weren't left wondering if a child had threadworms or an earth worm in his butt crack or asking wtf a mini is.

Educate your child, keep them safe and stop shaming them for having genitals.

@Globaluser

Can you all stop telling OP which words she can and can’t use with her own DD, it’s annoying and very patronizing.

This. Op wasn't asking opinions on words she uses. And I can't believe people didn't get the 'worm' reference - so obvious. Think they must be deliberately pretending not to understand!

The terminology is important though, had she known the correct words, there wouldn't be confusion as to showing his "worm" and OP would have a better idea of what happened.
It's also important for safeguarding - if my son came home and told me someone showed him their worm, I wouldn't be concerned. If he told me someone had shown them their penis, I know it's a serious issue that needs to be addressed.

A mini? You need to educate your child. They need to know the actual names of genitalia for safeguarding reasons. Parents should know this.

Well I'm not 3 and I'm making no sense of this either? Did the boy have a worm hanging out of his bum? And what's a mini?

Why overload toddlers with scientific words? Winky for boys mini or foofoo for girls is fine

I agree! I teach that we have a "chompy chomp" and a "looky ball", who uses scientific words like mouth or eye?

Jeez I was so confused, I thought the boy had tapeworms coming out of his bum and was really disturbed about what was going on. Even more so by the toy car reference.

Your daughter saw a toddler's penis. Tell her boys have a penis and girls have a vulva. "Worm" and "mini" are ridiculous.

Seems, given the thread title and the fact you use mini for female general is, that it might be time for you to start adulting.

Surely this example is a reason you should use the correct terminology for body parts.