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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why did he have that in his bum?

505 replies

IfIcouldturnbacktime217 · 03/02/2022 21:02

So tonight DD asked me when she was going to bed about something a boy in nursery had on his bum. She said he pulled his pants down and showed her a worm then starts showing me her mini saying she doesn't have a worm! I've tried to ask how this happened and not got a lot of sense from her (she's 3) I think it may of been in the toilet but she said there was no teacher there. AIBU to be thinking they shouldn't be going the toilet together without a teacher and slightly alarmed by this?

OP posts:
SynchOrSwim · 03/02/2022 22:09

@MargosKaftan

Did your dds not go into the bathroom when your dh was on the loo / in the shower? Did your dcs never sleep in your bed when unwell /had a nightmare so see their dad get dressed in the morning? Did he never take them out somewhere without you and have to take them to the loo with him, or take them swimming and them see him change? Share a room on holiday and see him getting changed?

The OP being a single mum makes sense her DD hasn't seen a penis, I just find it bizarre anyone can expect toddlers to respect privacy boundaries of the adults they live with - or are mine unusually annoying and everyone else got peaceful poos in the toddler years...

My DD bothered me when I was on the loo but her dad got away much more lightly, she's never seen him naked I'm sure! Is that really unusual??
HTH1 · 03/02/2022 22:10

@Wife2b

It’s obvious OP is talking about male and female genitals. Well done to most of you for completely missing the point of the thread by saying you’re confused and also making a point about penises and vaginas. The OP is concerned about the lack of supervision of the children whilst at nursery, not hard to figure out. OP you are not being unreasonable however these things do happen as children are curious. Have a word with the teacher so they are aware.
Yes but PPs are probably confused as, if the boy’s genitals are on his bum, he sounds a bit back to front!
Whatdidisay · 03/02/2022 22:11

Nope, they constantly follow me to the bathroom but daddy locks the door and has a dressing gown so he's not walking around naked.
I really don't feel my kids are missing out by never having seen their fathers penis?

itsnotmeitsu · 03/02/2022 22:11

I can't remember a time when I was told a name for penis, other than penis. I also can't remember when I was told the name for a vagina. I'm sure I'd have been told the biological name if it arose. My mum was originally a nurse and, by the time I was born, a teacher of five year olds. I think she believed in calling a spade a spade.

I do remember, once I was at secondary school, hearing the term 'twat'. I thought this was an alternative name for a 'twit'. I thought it sounded like an amusing term and called my mum that. She told me what it was a synonym for. She also told me at some point what a 'bugger' was.

Yes, some of these terms are part of everyday use - nothing wrong with that. But why we have to use twee terms because we're too squeamish to refer to genalitalia, especially when it comes to females, I don't understand.

Puffflashpuffflashbang · 03/02/2022 22:11

@slashlover

Why overload toddlers with scientific words? Winky for boys mini or foofoo for girls is fine

I agree! I teach that we have a "chompy chomp" and a "looky ball", who uses scientific words like mouth or eye?

I am using both of those from now on and forever - absolutely fantastic Grin
userxx · 03/02/2022 22:14

@HotSauceCommittee

I've never seen my Dad's knob and I am nearly 50. Apparently that's weird and prudish. Shall I ask him if I can have a look at it when I see him next?

Yup, ask him to whip it out next time you see him.

TooManyPJs · 03/02/2022 22:14

I used to call my vulva, a mini as a child and it caused no confusion at all, it's perfectly fine. She can learn other names as she gets older. Vulva is also ok if that's how you chose to parent.

We also played a lot of "show and tell" with other children when under 5. It's perfectly normal and nothing to get upset about. It's lot at all a sexualised thing at this age. Just curiosity in something different.

I also separately learnt how babies are made from a very young age and the differences between boys and girls.

TrickyD · 03/02/2022 22:15

@Beepus

Please not Foo Foo, there's a guide song called Little Bunny Foo Foo which has been ruined forever after I found out some people call a vulva a Foo Foo
And not ‘mini’, either, thank you. My DGD’s real name is rarely used at home, the family always call her Minnie.
JinglingHellsBells · 03/02/2022 22:15

A mini is a car.

Does she have one OP?

I've never heard any woman called their genitals a mini.

When did this start?

Thatsplentyjack · 03/02/2022 22:16

I don't know a single person who has taught their child to use the words vulva and penis, and I look after young children for a living. It's really not hard to figure out what they mean when they use another name for them. I'm an adult, I can work it out from the context of the rest of the conversation, but I love all the faux confusion when a thread like this pops up 😂 pathetic

viques · 03/02/2022 22:17

@Georgeskitchen

Why overload toddlers with scientific words? Winky for boys mini or foofoo for girls is fine Good grief they are only babies, time aplenty for them to learn the proper names!!
They are not “scientific words” they are body parts, like hands fingers, toes, knees, mouths, ears, breasts, eyelid. Scientific words are words like nuclear, Bunsen burner, magnesium sulphide, internal combustion, condensation and I agree with you, toddlers don’t need to know them.
Juniper68 · 03/02/2022 22:19

@Thatsplentyjack

I don't know a single person who has taught their child to use the words vulva and penis, and I look after young children for a living. It's really not hard to figure out what they mean when they use another name for them. I'm an adult, I can work it out from the context of the rest of the conversation, but I love all the faux confusion when a thread like this pops up 😂 pathetic
I know right.

Mini is used a lot. Might be regional?

katepilar · 03/02/2022 22:19

I think a 3yo not knowing about the difference between girls and boys plus using that language is far more alarming than the children showing each other their genitalia.

FirstTimeSecondTime · 03/02/2022 22:20

I haven’t rtft, but I would be concerned if a 3 year old didn’t know that boys have a penis and girls don’t

SoupDragon · 03/02/2022 22:20

Yes but PPs are probably confused as, if the boy’s genitals are on his bum, he sounds a bit back to front!

No, it's faux confusion to try and make themselves look oh so witty when they join in the pile on. It hasn't worked.

It's completely obvious what the OP meant and what the 3 year old described as a worm.

It is also not at all weird that she's never seen a penis before.

Lachimolala · 03/02/2022 22:20

As someone who worked in child protection for years, I implore you please teach your daughter the correct terminology for her body. The correct words can save a child from the most heinous things happening to them, I speak from absolute experience. They aren’t rude curse words, it’s normal descriptive language.

SoupDragon · 03/02/2022 22:21

@FirstTimeSecondTime

I haven’t rtft, but I would be concerned if a 3 year old didn’t know that boys have a penis and girls don’t
Why? Why would it have come up in an all female household? Did you routinely describe genitals to your preschool children?
CoastalWave · 03/02/2022 22:22

@IfIcouldturnbacktime217

Shes never saw a willy before so that was why she said worm, she didn't know what it was. I don't mind using words like mini, would much rather her shout that round the shops than vagina. It was really about the words we use it was about the situation
It's completely inappropriate NOT to teach the correct words in this day and age. God forbid anyone touches her inappropriately later in life - and she tells a teacher and says he touched my mini. Teacher could presume she's talking about her mini doll/her mini bracelet etc etc.

Please. Keep your daughter safe.

Also how has she got to 3 and not seen even her Dad's willy!

GrandDuchessRomanov · 03/02/2022 22:23

I've learned two new words for things tonight.

Mini and cacospectamania.

Who says hours on MN is wasteful? :)

itsgettingweird · 03/02/2022 22:24

@Lachimolala

As someone who worked in child protection for years, I implore you please teach your daughter the correct terminology for her body. The correct words can save a child from the most heinous things happening to them, I speak from absolute experience. They aren’t rude curse words, it’s normal descriptive language.
Well said.

Especially as she couldn't even describe that his own is is attached at the front of his genital area and therefore is unsure of the actually area of the anus.

Single parent household or not time to visit the nspcc pants stuff and educate your dd so she can protect herself if needs be.

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/02/2022 22:24

Why don’t people just use the correct words from the off?

A three year old doesn’t have the hang ups that adults do. Vagina and penis are no different to them than foo foo, mini, worm or willy.

The embarrassment is purely an adult thing.

esloquehay · 03/02/2022 22:24

It's 2022 and women are still confusing their vulvas with vaginas. 🤦🤦🤦
My daughters have known the word vulva since before they could speak and they've never once seen fit to shout "VULVA" maniacally in a shop...

Frlrlrubert · 03/02/2022 22:25

Until 'showed me her mini' I did actually think the boy had a tapeworm or something. If OP had said 'showed me her bum' I wouldn't have figured it out. Cutesy names do make it harder to comprehend. I'm sure I read an article a few years ago where a young girl had tried to tell adults she was being abused and they hadn't understood because of this.

If you absolutely can bear 'vulva' and 'penis' as least use really common ones that can't be confused, like 'front bum' and 'willy'? Or even just 'bits'?

DD and DNiece (5 and 4) absolutely use the correct words, and yes, have announced 'my vulva is itchy' in public.

Iwonderifiwonderwhy · 03/02/2022 22:25

Most people call it a vulva not a mini, I’ve only ever seen ‘mini’ on Mumsnet m. If you can’t bring yourself to say the word vulva then call it female private parts.

Teaching kids words like mini and worm just leaves them confused and unable to explain themselves properly which is bad safeguarding. Thisnis a good example: is your daughter trying to say he flashed his penies, or that he has threadworms?

Age 3 is an excellent age to explain the basics of sex and reproduction. Suggest you tell her what a penis is and what it’s for and why she should tell a supervising adult if she is shown one.

nokidshere · 03/02/2022 22:25

As someone who worked in child protection for years, I implore you please teach your daughter the correct terminology for her body. The correct words can save a child from the most heinous things happening to them, I speak from absolute experience. They aren’t rude curse words, it’s normal descriptive language.

I have been a childcare professional for over 40yrs. I have never not understood a child's terminology about their body in any context.

And a child cannot stop abuse happening to them simply because they know the right words.