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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why did he have that in his bum?

505 replies

IfIcouldturnbacktime217 · 03/02/2022 21:02

So tonight DD asked me when she was going to bed about something a boy in nursery had on his bum. She said he pulled his pants down and showed her a worm then starts showing me her mini saying she doesn't have a worm! I've tried to ask how this happened and not got a lot of sense from her (she's 3) I think it may of been in the toilet but she said there was no teacher there. AIBU to be thinking they shouldn't be going the toilet together without a teacher and slightly alarmed by this?

OP posts:
Original poster
IfIcouldturnbacktime217 · 03/02/2022 21:18

Shes never saw a willy before so that was why she said worm, she didn't know what it was. I don't mind using words like mini, would much rather her shout that round the shops than vagina. It was really about the words we use it was about the situation

OP posts:
sadpapercourtesan · 03/02/2022 21:19

You need to teach your dd more appropriate language - "bum" is the bit round the back! She should know words like vulva, penis etc.

I'd mention it discreetly to the teacher so they can have a word. No need for a big song and dance.

Pyriah · 03/02/2022 21:20

When you said mini I thought you were referring to a doll. No wonder your child is confused! Time to discuss biological differences using appropriate words not euphemisms.

Mediocrates · 03/02/2022 21:20

@IfIcouldturnbacktime217

Shes never saw a willy before so that was why she said worm, she didn't know what it was. I don't mind using words like mini, would much rather her shout that round the shops than vagina. It was really about the words we use it was about the situation
Ah yes, that terrible curse word - "vagina"

Do you have other names for her arm joints so that she doesn't yell "elbow" in a shop?

5keletor · 03/02/2022 21:21

Why would she be shouting "vagina" round the shops? Does she currently run round Tesco shouting "mini"?!

Nosnogginginthekitchen · 03/02/2022 21:21

No, you're right, the important thing is that she's unable to embarrass you round the shops. Yup.

mugoftea456 · 03/02/2022 21:21

Your kid is confused because you are teaching her cutesy words and not teaching her there are differences between boys and girls.

Stath · 03/02/2022 21:22

Why would she be shouting about her vulva around the shops? And even if she did why would you be so upset? Surely you’d just use your normal parenting distraction techniques to change the subject or tell your DD to be a bit quieter and chat later?

T00Ts · 03/02/2022 21:22

@dementedpixie

I hope you explained about male and female parts and gave them a better name than a worm and a mini
Sorry, I know this has potentially serious undertones, but this made me laugh.
Pyriah · 03/02/2022 21:22

How has she not seen one before? Does she not have a father? That would be the most appropriate place to begin a discussion.

Georgeskitchen · 03/02/2022 21:23

Why overload toddlers with scientific words? Winky for boys mini or foofoo for girls is fine
Good grief they are only babies, time aplenty for them to learn the proper names!!

T00Ts · 03/02/2022 21:24

I use proper words. It’s not cute but it certainly saves on confusion. If my kid is telling me they’ve seen something they perhaps shouldn’t, I don’t want them struggling to explain it to me and me struggling to understand.

Mellowyellow222 · 03/02/2022 21:24

Vagina isn’t a bad word! And it’s not her vagina.

Please teach her the correct words. A boy showed her his penis. She has a vulva. Not a mini.

You are teaching her that parts of her body are embarrassing and shouldn’t be discussed.

dementedpixie · 03/02/2022 21:24

Jeezo I've never used winky or foofoo!

SC215 · 03/02/2022 21:25

How has she not seen one before? Does she not have a father? That would be the most appropriate place to begin a discussion.

That would definitely not be the most appropriate place to begin a discussion, how strange! You can explain about penises and vaginas without flashing your own kid Confused

mugoftea456 · 03/02/2022 21:25

@Georgeskitchen exactly for the reasons op is struggling with.

An incident has happened at nursery and op has no clue what's going on because her child does not know the terms or differences between boys and girls.

Mediocrates · 03/02/2022 21:25

@Georgeskitchen

Why overload toddlers with scientific words? Winky for boys mini or foofoo for girls is fine Good grief they are only babies, time aplenty for them to learn the proper names!!
It's no more a scientific name than nose or eyebrow!

No wonder we end up with grown adults who can't even tell a medical professional about their health problems because of their profound embarrassment about using benign words like penis and vulva.

Beepus · 03/02/2022 21:25

Please not Foo Foo, there's a guide song called Little Bunny Foo Foo which has been ruined forever after I found out some people call a vulva a Foo Foo

CatsArePeople · 03/02/2022 21:26

time to explain differences between sexes

Hugasauras · 03/02/2022 21:26

I've never heard mini so if a kid was telling me anything about their mini I wouldn't have a clue. That's why you teach them proper names.

Foofoo is the name of an old lady's Bichon Frise. Not a vulva. If you don't want to use the scrip names then front bum is better than one of those dreadful cutesy names. At least everyone would understand that.

Mellowyellow222 · 03/02/2022 21:26

@Georgeskitchen

Why overload toddlers with scientific words? Winky for boys mini or foofoo for girls is fine Good grief they are only babies, time aplenty for them to learn the proper names!!
Oh my heavens penis isn’t a scientific word! Neither is vulva. Why is it different than elbow or knee?

You then just have to teach it twice.

And so many adult women come on here who have never been taught the correct words.

Why the shame?

Globaluser · 03/02/2022 21:26

Can you all stop telling OP which words she can and can’t use with her own DD, it’s annoying and very patronizing.

FedUpOfLighteningCrotch · 03/02/2022 21:26

I’m sure you’d much rather her shout the word mini than vagina in a shop. But god forbid if she is ever in a situation where she needs to be questioned on the subject, it is much, much more relevant and clear for her to call it a vagina, because that’s what it is.

“He touched my mini” could mean anything to anyone, only you know truly what she means, police won’t.

I know it’s not nice to think about but there is absolutely nothing wrong with calling body parts their anatomical names, they’re not bad words and they’re not embarrassing and should be made to think they are.

It’s not about you and your preference on what to call it, it’s about the safety and clarity of your child.

Plus for what it might be worth I’d cringe at a child saying ‘mini’ in reference to her vagina in a shop, rather than praising the parent who taught they’re child the correct word and shouted out ‘vagina’ .. although I would wonder why they were shouting it in the shop Grin

CrinklyCraggy · 03/02/2022 21:26

I thought tapeworm too and was thinking it can't possibly be true!

Which is why children need to use the correct names. Because one day they might need to make someone understand exactly what has happened.

Lisheen21 · 03/02/2022 21:27

@Hugasauras

What's a mini?
I think you know what the op is saying, it's pretty obvious within the context of her post...